Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Naval Efficiency

Volume 9, Issue 11 Friday, March 16, 2007

Hello All,

“Rising From the Rails” is the title of a book about the Pullman Porters who came to work for the railroads after the Civil War and continued nearly a century. If you ever rode on a Pullman car or wanted to, this is a great read. But even more, it’s the story of men who sacrificed for their families.
~~~~~
“Schools, Common Sense and the Government” The El Dorado Promise http://www.eldoradopromise.com/ guarantees a college education for graduates of El Dorado High School. I’ve got nothing but good things to say about the Murphy Corporation that is funding this.
But you don’t have to live in El Dorado to go to college. All of the schools in Columbia County, both public and private send a large percentage of their graduates to college.
They could probably send more if we were allowed to educate our kids instead of having to toe the federal government line.
Years ago, I heard the principal of the old “Freehope” School speak to the Magnolia Jaycees about the dangers of allowing the federal government to take our money and then give it back to us with strings attached as to how we spend it.
The use of standardized test scores to decide which schools get how much federal support is just the latest method used by the Feds to control local communities. And, like many federal programs, it’s effect is really the opposite of what was intended.
Instead of teaching, our educators are forced to practice test taking with the students. Instead of learning how to think for themselves, our students are learning how to choose A, or B, or C or D on a computerized test form.
Such “rote” learning almost guarantees the failure of our society when these future leaders are faced with difficult decisions.
We’ve seen a stark example in our own emergency team’s training. For years we trained at College Station with large groups of other fire fighters, learning to “step” together and fight each project according to a strict plan. Then, David Pry and the guys decided to pull us out of those large groups and develop our own training based on learning how to think, “size up” the problem and attack the situation successfully.
The result is that our small fire brigade has succeeded in fighting larger, more complicated fires and handling them quicker with fewer resources than the larger departments. A memorable example is the time that a large “CIMA” group was attacking the new (at the time) Pump Alley project. This group of 25 to 30 firefighters fought the project for 45 minutes before the TEEX instructors shut it down, seeing that the large group wasn’t making any progress.
We had eight guys there, watching the show, waiting their turn. The instructor asked them if they’d like to try it and they did. The result? The fire was out in 18 minutes. Why? Our guys were used to thinking on their feet and working together to solve problems.
Now, exactly how does a standardized test teach that?
We need to wake up to the fact that we are addicts who feed at the government trough. Our schools, law enforcement, medical care. etc. all bow the federal government in order to get funding.
Think of what we could do if local people could make decisions about what they were doing instead of having to do what some guy in Washington thinks is good for us.
~~~~~
The 38th Annual GMA Music Awards, also known as the Dove Awards, April 25, 2007 at the Grand Ole Opry House, Nashville, TN.
Our own Ryan Riggins band, "Pocket Full Of Rocks" [http://www.myspace.com/pocketfullofrocks] has been nominated for 2 Doves; New Artist of the year and Worship Album of the year
~~~~~
800-free-411 If you’re a cell phone user, try it, you’ll like it. Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial 1 (800) FREE 411, or 1 (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all.
This works on your home telephone as well!
~
That's not entirely true. If you call an 800 number from your cell phone, it will use minutes, so as long as you're not over your minutes, your o.k. However if you have Alltel and you have a text messaging plan, you can send the name of the person or business you need a number for, with the zip code as a text message to 46645 (that's googl without the 'e') and it will just count as a text.
Jim Pierce - Alltel Sales and Service Representative - 870.299.2830
~~~~~
Lighthouse Church is the name of the new Assembly of God church in Covington, LA, opening in the fall. Jimmy and Vanessa are working hard to share the light on the north shore.
~~~~~
FDA Issues New Warnings on Anemia Drugs, including Procrit, the one I use.

All Associated Press News WASHINGTON (AP) - Federal health officials issued stern new warnings Friday for doctors to more carefully prescribe widely used anemia drugs that can increase the risk of death and other serious problems in patients with cancer and kidney disease.
At issue are drugs sold under the brand names Procrit, Epogen and Aranesp. These drugs are genetically engineered versions of a natural protein, erythropoietin, that increases the number of red blood cells.
Anemia is common with certain forms of kidney disease, especially once a patient is on dialysis, and when cancer patients take chemotherapy.
But the Food and Drug Administration pointed to recent studies that found using too much of the drugs increased the risk of death, blood clots, strokes and heart attacks in patients with chronic kidney failure. In other studies, patients with head and neck cancer had more rapid tumor growth if they used higher-than-recommended doses.
Even when the anemia drugs were used at FDA-recommended doses, giving them to cancer patients not on chemotherapy increased the risk of death, the agency warned. Moreover, some doctors have begun giving the drugs to patients following orthopedic surgery, also increasing the risk of blood clots, FDA said.
Friday, the agency added stern warnings to each of the drug's labels urging that:
_doctors monitor patients' levels of red blood cells and use the lowest possible dose to avoid the need for blood transfusions.
_doctors and patients carefully weigh the risks of using anemia drugs vs. the risk of a transfusion if anemia gets too bad.
A panel of FDA advisers is scheduled to discuss the drugs at a May 10 meeting. Their recommendations could lead to further revisions of the drugs' labels, FDA officials said.
~~~~~
Michael Yon is still reporting from Iraq.
http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wp/ernie-is-dead.htm
~~~~~
Want to help the environment, recycle your fluorescent bulbs. The problem is, the bulb retailers don’t want to take them back. Wal-Mart was accepting them but quit so they could return more dollars to their shareholders. Maybe a Fluorescent bulb deposit would kick start recycling?
~~~~~
The photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include our on “Wild Hogs” leaving for a week of training at ESTI’s TEEX Fire School.
~~~~~
Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular
Current Avg. $ 2.35
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
Albemarle Employee’s pump $1.99
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - We’re sharing recipes from Food Network
Apricot-Glazed Pork Medallions Recipe courtesy Robin Miller
Show: Quick Fix Meals with Robin Miller - -Episode: High Five!


1 pound pork tenderloin, cut crosswise into ½-inch thick rounds
Salt and ground black pepper
2 teaspoons sesame oil
1 1/4 cups apricot preserves
1/4 cup tamari sauce
1 tablespoon chopped pickled ginger

Season both sides of pork with salt and black pepper. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add pork and sear 2 minutes per side. Add apricot preserves, tamari sauce and ginger and bring to a simmer. Simmer 5 minutes, until pork is cooked through and sauce reduces.


Nutrition Information
Nutritional Analysis Per Serving Calories 425
Total fat 6g Saturated fat 2g
Cholesterol 74mg Sodium 1152mg
Carbohydrates 66g Protein 26g
Fiber 0g


Recipe Summary
Difficulty: Easy
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Yield: 4 servings


http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_35458,00.html
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

Apostle to the Irish
3/16/2007

The Real Saint Patrick

If you ask people who Saint Patrick was, you're likely to hear that he was an Irishman who chased the snakes out of Ireland.

It may surprise you to learn that the real Saint Patrick was not actually Irish—yet his robust faith changed the Emerald Isle forever.

Patrick was born in Roman Britain to a middle-class family in about A.D. 390. When Patrick was a teenager, marauding Irish raiders attacked his home. Patrick was captured, taken to Ireland, and sold to an Irish king, who put him to work as a shepherd.

In his excellent book, How the Irish Saved Civilization, Thomas Cahill describes the life Patrick lived. Cahill writes, "The work of such slave-shepherds was bitterly isolated, months at a time spent alone in the hills."

Patrick had been raised in a Christian home, but he didn't really believe in God. But now—hungry, lonely, frightened, and bitterly cold—Patrick began seeking out a relationship with his heavenly Father. As he wrote in his Confession, "I would pray constantly during the daylight hours" and "the love of God . . . surrounded me more and more."

Six years after his capture, God spoke to Patrick in a dream, saying, "Your hungers are rewarded. You are going home. Look—your ship is ready."

What a startling command! If he obeyed, Patrick would become a fugitive slave, constantly in danger of capture and punishment. But he did obey—and God protected him. The young slave walked nearly two hundred miles to the Irish coast. There he boarded a waiting ship and traveled back to Britain and his family.

But, as you might expect, Patrick was a different person now, and the restless young man could not settle back into his old life. Eventually, Patrick recognized that God was calling him to enter a monastery. In time, he was ordained as a priest, then as a bishop.

Finally—thirty years after God had led Patrick away from Ireland—He called him back to the Emerald Isle as a missionary.

The Irish of the fifth century were a pagan, violent, and barbaric people. Human sacrifice was commonplace. Patrick understood the danger and wrote: "I am ready to be murdered, betrayed, enslaved—whatever may come my way."

Cahill notes that Patrick's love for the Irish "shines through his writings . . . He [worried] constantly for his people, not just for their spiritual but for their physical welfare."

Through Patrick, God converted thousands. Cahill writes, "Only this former slave had the right instincts to impart to the Irish a New Story, one that made sense of all their old stories and brought them a peace they had never known before." Because of Patrick, a warrior people "lay down the swords of battle, flung away the knives of sacrifice, and cast away the chains of slavery."

As it is with many Christian holidays, Saint Patrick's Day has lost much of its original meaning. Instead of settling for parades, cardboard leprechauns, and "the wearing of the green," we ought to recover our Christian heritage, celebrate the great evangelist, and teach our kids about this Christian hero.

Saint Patrick didn't chase the snakes out of Ireland, as many believe. Instead, the Lord used him to bring into Ireland a sturdy faith in the one true God—and to forever transform the Irish people.

This commentary first aired on March 17, 2004.

“Saint Patrick: Voice of Justice and Mercy” and “A Man of the Book: St. Patrick’s Approach to Scripture” by T. M. Moore. Also available: sheet music for “St. Patrick's Breastplate” (poem) set to the hymn “divinum mysterium” (“Of the Father’s Love Begotten”). To order copies, call 1-877-322-5527.

For Further Reading and Information

Thomas Cahill, How the Irish Saved Civilization (Doubleday, 1996).

T. M. Moore, Celtic Flame: The Burden of Patrick (Xlibris, 2000).

T. M. Moore, “Witness to Greatness: St. Patrick through the Eyes of a Contemporary,” BreakPoint Online, 15 March 2006.

T. M. Moore, “A Culture of Plunder and Praise,” BreakPoint Online, 2 February 2004.

Read The Confession of St. Patrick (translated from the Latin by Ludwig Bieler) and St. Patrick’s Letter to the Soldiers of Coroticus.

Mark Atherton, ed., Celts and Christians (University of Wales Press, 2002).

Philip Freeman, St. Patrick of Ireland: A Biography (Simon and Schuster, 2004).

BreakPoint Commentary No. 980316, “Service of the Scribes: How the Irish Saved Civilization.”

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
~~~~~
Words of the Week:

nonplus: to confound; to perplex; to bewilder.
trepidation: a state of dread or alarm; apprehension.
cogitate: to think; to ponder.
descry: to catch sight of; to detect.
taciturn: not inclined to talk.
appurtenance: an adjunct or accessory.
specious: apparently right but not so in reality.
from Dictionary.Com

~~~~~
"Who is wise? He that learns from every One. Who is powerful? He that governs his Passions. Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody." - Benjamin Franklin

"Let us consider the polarity of love and hate.... Now, clinical observation shows not only that love is with unexpected regularity accompanied by hat (ambivalence), and not only that in human relationships hate is frequently a forerunner of love, but also that in many circumstances hate changes into love and love into hate." - Sigmund Freud

"If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself." - Charles Schulz

"A word in earnest is as good as a speech." - Charles Dickens

"You must have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by. Yes, but some of them are golden only because we let them slip." - James M. Barrie

"To want to be what one can be is purpose in life." - Cynthia Ozick

"The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking." - Albert Einstein
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

# Fresh Expressions are Blowing Through the Church in Great Britain
# Church in the Parks for the Homeless
# China May be Taking Another Step Toward Capitalism by Privatizing Property

# South Carolina Lawmakers Consider Law that Mandates an Ultrasound before Abortion
# Intercessory Prayer Study Shows God Answers Prayers for Healing
# Anne Frank Exhibit in New Mexico to Shed Light on "The Long and Complicated History of Jewish-Native American Interaction in the Southwest"
# The German-American Connection in the War on Terrorism—Selfless Military Personnel Have Impact on Residents

# Highest Court in France Upholds Traditional Marriage
# 97-Year Old Woman Honored for Rescuing 2,500 Jewish Children in WWII's Warsaw Ghetto
# Poland's President to Open International Pro-Family Conference
# New DVD to be Released at Easter: The Case for Christ's Resurrection

# Images of Solar Eclipse from Outer Space Draw Gasps from NASA Scientists
# Sudanese Refugees in Israel Feel Bond to Jews Because of Holocaust
# Zell Miller's Solution for Social Security, Immigration: Ban Abortions
# Many Top American Idol Contestants Raised in Churches

# Christian Graduate Student Doesn't Back Down After Professor Refuses to Grade Her Paper on Post-Abortion Syndrome in Women
# Holy Spirit Wind Stirs a Hunger-for-God in Russia's Youth
# Female Entrepreneur Uses Capitalism to Help Poor
# For This Chick-Fil-A Restaurant Owner, Business is Just a Means to the End of Glorifying God and Helping Others

# America Again Turns to First Nations People to Help in Battle—this Time in Hunt for Bin Laden
# Despite City's Restrictions on Event, the BattleCry of over 22,000 Christian Youth Heard Loud and Clear in San Francisco
# Chaplain Dismissed from Navy for Praying "In Jesus' Name" Awarded Highest Honor for Courage in Face of Adversity by Kentucky Governor
# Young New Zealanders Bring Pizzas and Flowers to Say "Thank You" to Local Police

# A Laugh-a-day Helps Keep Sickness Away
# Theologian Witnesses Explosion of Christianity in Nepal
# Christians in Barbados Prepare for World Cup through Prayer Walks and Cleaning Neighborhoods

Breaking Christian News
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GCF: Naval Efficiency

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Pat) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. SUBSCRIBE and UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus before it was sent.
----------------------------------------------------

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men. The ship steamed out of the channel and soon the port was far behind.

The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.

He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- Make Sure The Captain Is Aboard Before Getting Under Way."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: "M" is for.....

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Herman) -Tom
----------------------------------------------------

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Golf Partners

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Bill) -Tom
----------------------------------------------------

A fellow comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Tom O'Brien in the games anymore.

The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?"

"Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife.

"Well," says the husband, "Neither would Tom O'Brien."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Appeal a Case

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Suzanne) -Tom
----------------------------------------------------

Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."

Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"

Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Fairy Tales

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Naomi) -Tom
----------------------------------------------------

A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?"

He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise...'"
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Why is the alphabet in that \ /
\ _/order? Is it because of that song?\_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A truly wise man never \ /
\ _/ plays leapfrog with a unicorn. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "Don't ever take a fence down \ /
\ _/ until you know why it was put up."\_ /
/ / - Robert Frost. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If a tree falls in the forest \ /
\ _/ and no one is around to see it, \_ /
/ / do the other trees make fun of it? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Other people have wrinkles. \ /
\ _/ I have character lines. \_ /
/ / \ \
_ ____________________________ _
| Thomas S. Ellsworth |
| tellswor@slonet.org |
| http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor |
|___________________________|
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Hot-Headed Golfer

A hot-headed golfer with a penchant for breaking clubs was playing one day when he came to the 16th hole, where he faced an approach shot across a ravine.

He said to his caddie, "What kind of distance do we have, son?"

The caddie replied, "About 135, sir."

"My 6 iron, please," said the hothead.

His caddie replied, "It's going to have to be either a 3 iron or 3 wood, sir. That's all that's left in the bag!"

Received from Colorado Comments.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Rules for City Driving

Rules for City Driving

1. Never, EVER slow down when a light turns yellow. If you're within half a block of a stop light when it turns yellow, put the pedal to the metal.

2. When attempting to enter a street from any parking lot, make sure that at least the front third of your car is sticking out into the nearest lane.

3. When it starts raining, completely lose your ability to drive and act as if you've never done it before.

4. Using your turn signals is absolutely prohibited, except in limited circumstances, such as when you're five feet from the corner. NEVER use your signal when you're making a right turn and someone is waiting to pull out into YOUR lane.

5. A red light is not TRULY red until five seconds after the yellow light goes out.

Taken from "Cool but useless stuff" on the back of the FBA Youth's bulletin "Powerline."

Received from James B Hall.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Searching for Witnesses

A policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.

"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" inquired the officer.

"Sir," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole."

Received from You Make Me Laugh.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] GPA

At the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus party. Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful young thing and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at parties.

"Oh, I have a 3.9, so I'm much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb party animals," she said. "What's your G.P.A.?"

Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about 27 in the city and 38 on the highway."

Received from Pastor Tim.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] "M"

/* One final word of thanks to all of you that sent in a donation! Your generous donations will keep us running smoothly for another 6 months. Thanks, and have a great weekend! */

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother."

Received from Thomas S. Ellsworth

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
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Scientifically proven to work every time! - DR

STRESS RELIEF

I use this technique all the time, it really works :-)

In case you are having a rough day, Here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals.

Just follow the 7 steps below. The funny thing is that it really does work.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

Thanks to Daphne Roberts
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(You're gonna love this)

(It’s a real treat)

(A masterpiece)

(Wait for it)

(Here it comes)

The bank manager looks back at her and says ..

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are .)

Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!

Thanks to Nancy Terry
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Hymns for Her

One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Finally! A solution for all you guys who do not like to "tag-a-long" with the wife.

I really don't like to go shopping, my wife on the other hand loves to shop. She usually insists that I go along. Invariably, we always end up at Wal-Mart and by that time I am so bored I have to find something to do to keep my mind from turning to mush.

I guess that's why she got this letter from Wal-Mart yesterday.

Dear Mrs. ............,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against your husband are listed below.

1. June 15: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest-rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares... and then stood back and watched what happened.

5. Aug 4: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants.

11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but not least ...

15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

While we appreciate your business, we ask that in the future would you please leave your husband at home.

Sincerely,
Wal-Mart management

And that suits me just fine!

Thanks to Daphne Roberts
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*How Business Communications Work*

MEMORANDUM
From: Headquarters - New York
To: General Managers
Next Thursday at 10:30 Haley's Comet will appear over this area. This is an event which occurs only once every 75 years. Notify all directors and have them arrange for all employees to assemble on the Company lawn and inform them of the occurrence of this phenomenon. If it rains, cancel the day's observation and assemble in the auditorium to see a film about the comet.

MEMORANDUM
From: General Manager
To: Managers By order of the Executive Vice President, next Thursday at 10:30, Haley's Comet will appear over the Company lawn. If it rains, cancel the day's work and report to the auditorium with all employees where we will show films: a phenomenal event which occurs every 75 years.

MEMORANDUM
From: Manager
To: All Department Chiefs
By order of the phenomenal Vice President, at 10:30 next Thursday, Haley's Comet will appear in the auditorium. In case of rain over the Company lawn, the Executive Vice President will give another order, something which occurs only every 75 years.

MEMORANDUM
From: Department Chief
To: Section Chiefs
Next Thursday at 10:30 the Executive Vice President will appear in the auditorium with Haley's Comet, something which occurs every 75 years. If it rains, the Executive Vice President will cancel the comet and order us all out to our phenomenal Company lawn.

MEMORANDUM
From: Section Chief
To: All EA's
When it rains next Thursday at 10:30 over the Company lawn, the phenomenal 75 year old Executive Vice President will cancel all work and appear before all employees in the auditorium accompanied by Bill Haley and his Comets.

(-:][:-)

*Ships Passing*

A rather old minesweeper was cruising a lonely stretch of the South Pacific and was overtaken by a new Australian cruiser.

All the US sailors admired the new ship and the Captain sent a blinker-light message to the Aussies: "You are beautiful."

Less than 10 seconds later, the Aussie ship blinkered back: "I'll bet you say that to all the ships."

(-:][:-)

*Marriage Proposal*

Some teachers at state universities get to know our students fairly well. One instructor told his communications class of his plans to propose marriage.

A student spoke up and said that he had recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as well.

"What was her answer?" the instructor asked.

"I don't know," the student replied. "She hasn't e-mailed me back yet."

(-:][:-)

*Murphy's Laws on Computers*

- As soon as you delete a worthless file, you'll need it.

- Installing a new program will always mess up at least one old one.

- You can't win them all, but you sure can lose them all.

- The likelihood of a hard disk crash is in direct proportion to the value of the material that hasn't been backed up.

- There are only two kinds of computer users: Those whose hard disks have crashed, and those whose hard disks haven't crashed - yet.

- Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it. If you fiddle with something long enough, you'll break it.

(-:][:-)

*Foul Suspicion*

After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one.

A few minutes later the rooster walked in saw all the colored eggs, then stormed outside and killed the peacock.

(-:][:-)

Eye Laugh

"Climbing the Wall"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw352

"Post No Bills"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=154

"Blind Driver"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw351

"Cat Melon"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw350

"Moving Tape"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw349

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/taxingtimes.html
Taxing Times
March 16th, 2007

My husband Mark and I usually prepare our joint tax returns jointly. Being good citizens, we begin early in February with tax planning discussions like this:

Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.

By late March we’ve made impressive progress:

Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.

Our tax planning culminates promptly on April 14 when Mark boots up the computer, loads ShirkoTax, and does whatever it is one does with tax software. While Mark mans the keyboard, my official role is to hover behind him, feed him numbers, and say encouraging things like "Why the heck did you do that?"

I also rummage through sundry IRS publications searching for information that almost certainly could be found in ShirkoTax if only, just this once, Mark would consult "Help" or peruse the "README" file.

"I know what I'm doing," Mark always says reassuringly whenever the program insists on dunning us for tax assessed by some city we've never even flown over. Or when it nostalgically defaults to earnings and deductions from some long forgotten year. Or when it crashes our system, devouring Mark's entire input plus everything I've written in the last six months.

Last year, however, Mark was too busy for such taxing togetherness. So much to my chagrin, I was forced to file solo.

To his credit, Mark tried to bolster my confidence when he begged out of tax duo duty:

Mark: If you can write for computer publications, you should be able to use tax software without my help.
Me: But I don't write informative, high-tech pieces. I write humor.
Mark: That's debatable.

Mark tossed me several pounds worth of IRS instructions which apparently were written in Swahili. Then he left for work, hoping to earn enough money to pay our tax bill.

"Maybe QuickSand's Web site is in English," I muttered to my blank computer screen. So I surfed over to QuickSand.com, clicked on ShirkoTax Highlights, and spotted this heartening headline:

Confused? Bewildered? Horrified by this year's new and improved, economy-sized Taxpayer Relief Act? We have good news. Not for you, but for our Marketing Department. Congress and the IRS have outdone themselves this year. The new rules, regulations, and forms are so complicated, we expect to quadruple sales.
Resisting the temptation to sign off and hire a CPA, I kept reading:
This year's Schedule D (capital gains) is so convoluted even CPAs can't figure it out.
I was this close to a tax panic attack. But I forced myself to keep reading, moving on to another Shirko Tax Highlight which cheerfully explained that the IRA rules are inexplicable. Within seconds I was mired in a dissertation on traditional IRAs, Education IRAs and, my personal favorite, Grapes Of Wrath IRAs. Mercifully, I fell asleep at the keyboard. But my slumber didn't last; I accidentally hit the speaker volume control and was awakened by a blaring Internet Radio ad:
Doing your taxes can be as easy as eating pie.
But only with Quicksand's ShirkoTax.
Otherwise you'll die.
I'd tell you more about last year's tax misadventures, but I'm very pressed for time. I have to run out to buy ShirkoTax -- Super Duper Maxi Office Depot Plus is down to one copy.
Hey, what do you want from me? It's only April 1st.
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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http://www.wiredforbooks.org/ Wired for Books
For many years, most of the best writers of the English language found their way to Don Swaim's CBS Radio studio in New York. The one-on-one interviews typically lasted 30 to 45 minutes and then had to be edited down to a two-minute radio show. Wired for Books is proud to make these important oral documents publicly available for the first time in their entirety. Listen to the voices of many of the greatest writers of the twentieth century.
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http://www.whitehousetapes.org/ WhiteHouseTapes.org: Secret White House Tapes
Between 1940 and 1973, six American presidents from both political parties secretly recorded just under 5,000 hours of conversations. This site is designed as a service to the research community by making freely available all of the presidential recordings, along with relevant research materials, so that scholars, teachers, students, and the public can hear and use these remarkable tapes for themselves. The site is hosted and maintained by the Presidential Recordings Program at the University of Virginia's Miller Center of Public Affairs.
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http://www.ropercenter.uconn.edu/education/polling_fundamentals.html Polling 101: The Basics of Public Opinion Research
This tutorial is intended to offer a simplified glimpse into some of the fundamentals of public opinion polling. Designed for the novice, the site provides definitions, examples, and explanations that serve to introduce interested students to the field of public opinion research. Polls & Surveys: Gallup / Harris / Mason-Dixon / Pew
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http://www.forbes.com/home/billionaires/2007/03/07/billionaires-worlds- Forbes: The World's Billionaires
Forbes magazine annual listing of billionaires. This year, Forbes named 946 billionaires, including 178 newcomers and 17 people who climbed back into the ranks after being absent for a year or more. Two-thirds of last year's billionaires are richer. Only 17% are poorer, including 32 who fell below the billion-dollar mark. The billionaires' combined net worth climbed by $900 billion to $3.5 trillion.
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http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/conlaw/home.html Exploring Constitutional Law
This site explores some of the great issues and controversies that surround our Nation's founding document.
http://www.jimcrowhistory.org/home.htm The History of Jim Crow
Explore the complex African-American experience of segregation from the 1870s through the 1950s.
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http://scholar.google.com/ Google Scholar
Google Scholar provides a simple way to broadly search for scholarly literature. From one place, you can search across many disciplines and sources: peer-reviewed papers, theses, books, abstracts and articles, from academic publishers, professional societies, preprint repositories, universities and other scholarly organizations. Google Scholar helps you identify the most relevant research across the world of scholarly research.
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Dark and best kept secrets about Our Social Security.

Many years ago in Seattle, two wonderful neighbors, Elliott and Patty Roosevelt came to my home to swim on a regular basis. They were a great couple full of laughter and stories that today I continue to marvel at. Both are now deceased, but their stories remain. During the years of our friendship we had many, many discussions about Elliott's parents (President Franklin D. and Eleanor Roosevelt) and how his father and mother never intended for the Social Security and Welfare programs to turn out the way they are today. Elliott used to say that if his parents returned to earth and saw what the politicians had done to their programs they would have burned all of them in hell.
Here is a story I received today regarding the Social Security Program and I immediately thought of Elliott's comments. I Hope you will read this and think about it.
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Franklin Roosevelt, a Democrat, introduced the Social Security (FICA) Program. He promised: 1.) That participation in the Program would be completely voluntary, 2.) That the participants would only have to pay 1% of the first $1,400 of their annual incomes into the Program, 3.) That the money the participants elected to put into the Program would be deductible from their income for tax purposes each year, 4.) That the money the participants put into the independent "Trust Fund" rather than into the General operating fund, and therefore, would only be used to fund the Social Security Retirement Program, and no other Government program, and, 5.) That the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed as income
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Since many of us have paid into FICA for years and are now receiving a Social Security check every month -- and then finding that we are getting taxed on 85% of the money we paid to the Federal government to "put away" -- you may be interested in the following:
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Q: Which Political Party took Social Security from the independent "Trust Fund" and put it into the General fund so that Congress could spend it? A: It was Lyndon Johnson and the democratically controlled House and Senate.
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Q: Which Political Party eliminated the income tax deduction for Social Security (FICA) withholding? A: The Democratic Party.
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Q: Which Political Party started taxing Social Security annuities???? A: The Democratic Party, with Al Gore casting the "tie-breaking" deciding vote as President of the Senate, while he was Vice President of the US.
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Q: Which Political Party decided to start giving annuity payments to immigrants? This is MY FAVORITE: A: That's right! Jimmy Carter! And the Democratic Party of course! Immigrants moved into this country, and at age 65, began to receive Social Security payments! The Democratic Party gave these payments to them, even though they never paid a dime into it! ------------------------------------------------------
Then, after doing all this lying and thieving and violating of the original contract (FICA), the Democrats turn around and tell you that the Republicans want to take your Social Security away! And the worst part about it is uninformed citizens believe it!
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"Spreading His Message"

They were there for breakfast, and they were there to cheer New York Jets running back Curtis Martin. And it was Martin who received the Athletes in Action Bart Starr Award Saturday morning. But the hundreds who gathered in fourth-floor ballroom at the Marriott Renaissance in Detroit , Mich. , on the morning before Super Bowl XL were clearly touched by the featured speaker.

That speaker was Colts Head Coach Tony Dungy.

Two hours into the breakfast, emcee Brent Jones introduced Dungy, who was welcomed with a lengthy standing ovation. Dungy thanked the crowd, shared an anecdote about Martin, then told the crowd he was going to speak for about 15 minutes.

"It's great to be here," Dungy told the crowd, then adding with a laugh, "I just wish I wasn't here in this capacity so many times of being just that close to being in the game and just being an invited speaker. My goal is to have our team here one day and have a couple of tables with all of our guys here. Because we have a special group of young men, a great group of Christian guys. It'd be wonderful to have them here so you could see their hearts and what they're all about."

"It hasn't quite happened yet, but we're still hoping one day it will." He told them he was going to talk about lessons he had learned from his three sons. The crowd fell silent. Then Dungy spoke.

Although this was a breakfast - and although at many such events speakers speak over the clinking of glasses and murmurs from semi-interested listeners - for most of the 15 minutes the room was silent except for Dungy's voice.

He spoke of his middle son, Eric, who he said shares his competitiveness and who is focused on sports "to where it's almost a problem." He spoke of his youngest son, Jordan, who has a rare congenital condition which causes him not to feel pain. "He feels things, but he doesn't get the sensation of pain," Dungy said.

The lessons learned from Jordan , Tony Dungy said, are many. "That sounds like it's good at the beginning, but I promise you it's not," Dungy said. "We've learned a lot about pain in the last five years we've had Jordan . We've learned some hurts are really necessary for kids. Pain is necessary for kids to find out the difference between what's good and what's harmful."

Jordan, Dungy said, loves cookies. "Cookies are good," Dungy said, "but in Jordan 's mind, if they're good out on the plate, they're even better in the oven. He will go right in the oven when my wife's not looking, reach in, take the rack out, take the pan out, burn his hands and eat the cookies and burn his tongue and never feel it. He doesn't know that's bad for him."

Jordan, Dungy said, "has no fear of anything, so we constantly have to watch him." The lesson learned, Dungy said, is simple.

"You get the question all the time, 'Why does the Lord allow pain in your life? Why do bad things happen to good people? If God is a God of love, why does he allow these hurtful things to happen?' Dungy said. "We've learned that a lot of times because of that pain, that little temporary pain, you learn what's harmful. You learn to fear the right things.

"Pain sometimes lets us know we have a condition that needs to be healed. Pain inside sometimes lets us know that spiritually we're not quite right and we need to be healed and that God will send that healing agent right to the spot. "Sometimes, pain is the only way that will turn us as kids back to the Father."

Finally, he spoke of James.

James Dungy, Tony Dungy's oldest son, died three days before Christmas. As he did while delivering James' eulogy in December, Dungy on Saturday spoke of him eloquently and steadily, speaking of lessons learned and of the positives taken from experience.

"It was tough, and it was very, very painful, but as painful as it was, there were some good things that came out of it," Dungy said.

Dungy spoke at the funeral of regretting not hugging James the last time he saw him, on Thanksgiving of last year. "I met a guy the next day after the funeral," Dungy said. "He said, 'I was there. I heard you talking. I took off work today. I called my son. I told him I was taking him to the movies. We're going to spend some time and go to dinner.' That was a real, real blessing to me."

Dungy said he has gotten many letters since James' death relaying similar messages. "People heard what I said and said, 'Hey, you brought me a little closer to my son,' or, 'You brought me a little closer to my daughter,' Dungy said. "That is a tremendous blessing."

Dungy also said some of James' organs were donated through donors programs. "We got a letter back two weeks ago that two people had received his corneas, and now they can see,' Dungy said. "That's been a tremendous blessing."

Dungy also said he received a letter from a girl from the family's church in Tampa . She had known James for many years, Dungy said. She went to the funeral because she knew James.

"When I saw what happened at funeral, and your family and the celebration and how it was handled, that was the first time I realized there had to be a God," Dungy said the girl wrote. "I accepted Christ into my life and my life's been different since that day." Added Dungy, "That was an awesome blessing, so all of those things kind of made me realize what God's love is all about."

Dungy also said he was asked often how he was able to return to the Colts so quickly after James' death. James died on December 22, and Dungy returned to the team one week later. Dungy said the answer was simple. "People asked me, 'How did you recover so quickly?"' Dungy said. "I'm not totally recovered. I don't know that I ever will be. It's still very, very painful, but I was able to come back because of something one of my good Christian friends said to me after the funeral.

"He said, 'You know James accepted Christ into his heart, so you know he's in heaven, right?' I said, 'Right, I know that.' He said, 'So, with all you know about heaven, if you had the power to bring him back now, would you?'

When I thought about it, I said, 'No, I wouldn't. I would not want him back with what I know about heaven.'

"That's what helped me through the grieving process. Because of Christ's spirit in me, I had that confidence that James is there, at peace with the Lord, and I have the peace of mind in the midst of something that's very, very painful. That's my prayer today, that everyone in this room would know the same thing"

Written by John Oehser. "NFL Insider" Posted in February, 2006 at www.colts.com

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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"The Most Influential Supreme Court Decision You've Never Heard Of" by David Michaels
A new article investigates the impact of a Supreme Court decision that's preventing many expert witnesses from testifying in court.
http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2007/03/13/the-most-influential-supreme-court-decision-youve-never-heard-of/
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Purpose of a Dog - from a 4 yr. old

How true...

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -> - like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The four year old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Mouse Story ...

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.

"What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning.

"There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you but it is of no consequence to me.

I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap-- alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife.

The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever.

Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock.

To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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In March, 2005, this song was performed at a Diamond Rio concert. They received an immediate standing ovation, and continue to do so every time they perform it! Sadly, major radio stations wouldn't play it because it was considered politically incorrect. Consequently, the song was never released to the public. If this song speaks to your heart, share it with friends and loved ones. Then let us cease being the silent majority and join together
--
not as a particular political party, but as Americans! this is truly beautiful, ENJOY!

Diamond Rio Song

Thanks to Gary Foreman
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1895 Eighth Grade Final Exam

Remember when our grandparents, great-grandparents, and such stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. - - -

This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, KS, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, KS, and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

8th GRADE FINAL EXAM

Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.
2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no Modifications.
3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.
4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of lie, lay and run
5. Define Case, Illustrate each Case.
6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.
7. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs ., what is it worth at 50 cts/bushel, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000 What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $! 20 per meter?
8 Find bank discount on $300 for! 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance around which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U. S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
1. Give the epochs into which U. S. History is divided.
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you ! can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln , Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, and 1865.

Orthography (Time, one hour)
1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, and syllabication?
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph, sub vocals, diphthong, cognate letters, and linguals?
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u'.
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)
1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America.
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia , Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall & Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which t he water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

Also notice that the exam took five hours to complete.
Gives the saying "she/he only had an 8th grade education" a whole new meaning, doesn't it?
What happened to us? It is kind of humbling, isn't it?

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
March 12, 2007
Today's Message is from Jerry Runk (a Houston Albemarle employee).

Learn from your mistakes!

Nearly all my safety messages involve driving safety. A line of severe thunderstorms was passing through the area on my way to work this morning. It was raining hard enough that there was accumulation on the roads in low spots.

I was taking it easy in the right lane when a pickup passed me on the left. As he approached a traffic light it turned yellow. The driver of the pickup hit his brakes and slid sideways through the intersection. Fortunately, no one was coming through the intersection in the other direction.

The driver of the pickup then took off again even faster than before. I guess he was late or embarrassed or both.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
March 16, 2007
2007 St. Patrick's Day

In 2005, 59 percent of all traffic fatalities that occurred during the evening of St. Patrick’s Day to the early hours of the following morning involved drivers with blood alcohol concentrations (BAC) of .01 and higher. Of those, 89 percent involved a driver with a BAC of .08 or higher. This year, the risk may be even greater since St. Patrick’s Day festivities will take place on a Saturday night.

Driving with a BAC of .08 or higher is illegal in every state, but too many are still not getting the message. According to the FBI’s Uniform Crime Report, more than 1.3 million people were arrested for driving under the influence during 2005.

Drunk driving is simply not worth the risk. Not only do you risk killing yourself or someone else but the trauma and financial costs of a crash or an arrest for driving impaired can be significant. Violators often face jail time, the loss of their driver’s license, higher insurance rates, big attorney fees, unpaid time away from work, and dozens of other expenses.

Join us in reminding everyone, if they plan on using alcohol this St. Patrick’s Day, Designate a Sober Driver Before the Party Begins.

http://trafficsafetymarketing.gov/tools.cfm?tool=National&page=2007%20St%2E%20Patrick%27s%20Day%20Planner
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| Safety from the Heart |
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March 15, 2007
An Accident or A Stupid Act
Today's Message is from Joe Coury (a Houston Albemarle employee).

If a man puts on a blindfold, hops in his car, and speeds down I-45, is the resultant mayhem, destruction, and death an "accident?" Or was it just a stupid act?

Engineers at Chernobyl decided to run a plant test where over 100 safety interlocks were intentionally overridden to see if one nuclear reactor while starting up could use the latent heat of another nuclear reactor shutting down. Was the resultant meltdown, contamination, destruction, and death an "accident?" Or was it just a stupid act?
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| Safety from the Heart |
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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Activities and Events of Interest

Albemarle Employees and Contractors - Steak & Bingo Dinner
Saturday, April 14, Magnolia Junior High School Cafeteria from 6:00–9:00 p.m.
~~~
Saturday, April 21/2007 and Sunday, April 22/2007, Defenders of Liberty Barksdale AFB Air Show. Gates Open at 9:am Special Performances by... F-15E Strike Eagle Demo, U.S. Army Black Daggers, Air Force Reserve’s Ed Hamill, C-17 Globemaster III Demo, Shockwave, Gene Soucy & Teresa Stokes, Wyche Coleman, Bill Stein, C-130, A-10, B-2, F-117, Tora 101, MiG-17
http://www.barksdaleafbairshow.com/index.html
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19th Annual Magnolia Blossom Festival & World Championship Steak Cook-Off
May 18 - May 19, 2007
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The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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Weekly Toll - - http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne - ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
A partial list of workplace fatalities.

Co-Pilot Lands Flight As Pilot Dies
McALLEN Texas -- The pilot of a Continental Airlines flight became ill after takeoff and was later pronounced dead after the plane made an emergency landing, a company spokeswoman said. The 210 passengers on Saturday's flight, which departed from Houston, were never in danger and the co-pilot landed the plane safely, Continental spokeswoman Macky Osorio said.

Police arrest teen in New Albany businessman's death
NEW ALBANY Miss. -- Hamza Ahmed Basha, 38, was shot this past Thursday at Central Station, his convenience store on Central Avenue off the U.S. 78 bypass. An autopsy confirmed that Basha died from a single shotgun wound to the back of the head.

Brookville man killed in logging accident
Borrkville, PA -- A logger was killed in Jefferson County when the butt end of the tree he was cutting swung around and pinned him against another tree, state police said. Dennis A. Clinger, 41, of Brookville, died at about 9:15 a.m. Wednesday at a logging site in Knox Township.

Dock worker's death ruled accidental
Carroll Township, PA --Blaine Edward Martin Jr., 55, of Donora, died of head injuries, said Coroner S. Timothy Warco, who ruled the death an accident. The body was found on a barge that was docked on the Monongahela River next to a towboat.
Martin's body was found by co-workers after his wife called his employer yesterday morning to say that Martin hadn't returned home from work Wednesday, Warco said.
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Pfc. Alberto Garcia Jr., 23, of Bakersfield, Calif., died Mar. 13 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire and an improvised explosive device. Garcia was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 26th Infantry, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Schweinfurt, Germany.

02. Lance Cpl. Raymond J. Holzhauer, 19, of Dwight, Ill., died March 15 from a non-hostile incident in Al Anbar province, Iraq. His death is currently under investigation.

03. Sgt. Robert M. Carr, 22, of Warren, Ohio, died Mar. 13 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Carr was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 12th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.

04. Spc. Stephen M. Kowalczyk, 32, of San Diego, died Mar. 14 in Muqdadiyah, Iraq, when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire. Kowalczyk was assigned to the 6th Squadron, 9th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

05. Cpl. Brian L. Chevalier, 21, of Athens, Ga., died Mar. 14 in Mufrek, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near him. Chevalier was assigned to the 5th Battalion, 20th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Lewis, Wash.

06. Spc. Adam J. Rosema, 27, of Pasadena, Calif., died Mar. 14 south of Baqubah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle during recovery operations. Rosema was assigned to the 215th Brigade Support Battalion, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

07. Lance Cpl. Steven M. Chavez, 20, of Hondo, N.M., died March 14 from a non-hostile incident in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Chavez’s death is currently under investigation.

08. Lance Cpl.Angel Rosa, 21, of South Portland, Maine, died March 13 from wounds received while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Rosa was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

09. Sgt. 1st Class Douglas C. Stone, 49, of Taylorsville, Utah, died Mar. 11 in Iraq of wounds suffered from a non-combat related incident. His death is under investigation.

10. Sgt. Thomas L. Latham, 23, of Delmar, Md., died March 11 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his Humvee. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 14th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y.

11. Sgt. Daniel E. Woodcock, 25, of Glennallen, Alaska, died Mar. 11, in Ad Dawr, Iraq, of wounds suffered from a building explosion while on combat patrol. Woodcock was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 505th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

12. Lance Cpl. Nathanial D. Windsor, 20, of Scappoose, Ore., died March 13 from wounds received while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Windsor was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.

13. Spc. Jonathan K. Smith, 19, of Atlanta, died Mar. 11 in Baghdad, Iraq, of a non-combat related incident, which is under investigation. Smith was assigned to the 115th Brigade Support Battalion, 1st Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

14. Lance Cpl. Dennis J. Veater, 20, of Jessup, Pa., died March 9 from wounds received while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Veater was assigned to Marine Forces Reserve’s Marine Wing Support Squadron 472, Marine Wing Support Group 47, 4th Marine Aircraft Wing, Wyoming, Pa.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Prov 16:21-24 Ezek 34:14-17 Mark 5:15-20 Luke 14:26-28 Mat 24:4-8 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the "Blog" version just go to one of the several addresses on the web. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleat_q__.blogspot.com, where _ is the quarter (1, 2, 3, or 4) and __ is the year (05, 06, or 07). We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
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