Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Bar Time

Volume 9, Issue 02 Friday, January 12, 2007

Hello All,

We are extremely saddened by the death of Don Munn this week. Don is a long-time employee who was Production Supervisor in the CP-2000 unit. Fortunately, he was a Christian who is now with Christ.
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Our sympathy is extended to Fred Buggs in the death of his mother.
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This week we read Jeff Shaara’s "The Rising Tide" about the war in North Africa and Sicily.

My step father, James W. Duke, served in North Africa, Sicily and Italy, in Patton's army as a mess sergeant for an officer's mess.

He never admitted to experiencing combat but was in the hospital suffering from "Boils" (his description) when Patton slapped that soldier.

He told of being in his pup tent when "German" paratroopers tried to attack them. His description fits more your description of the US airborne troops being shot down over the beach head. He said that they had only been on the beach a day or so and that night the paratroopers attacked and our guys "shot them to hell" as he described the scene. He reported seeing planes downed and paratroopers shot as they floated down.

Another story involved the officers he cooked for asking if he wanted to go "see the war". They took him up a mountain and stopped with a view of a valley where American Tanks were attacking Germans. He said that during the battle, the Germans did great damage to the Americans and he said that many tank crews were killed.
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The photos on the front of this weeks “Bleat” include: “Upward” Basketball players pray before playing. Zac drives to the basket. Zac talks to the referee, Joey Cranston.
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Dr. Pat Antoon’s New Address
Patrick Antoon
#06669-010
Federal Satellite Low-La Tuna
Anthony, NM/TX 88021
Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
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We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com or you can see last quarter’s at http://www.bugsbleat4q06.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleat2q.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleatfirst.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat3q05.blogspot.com, and http://www.bugsbleat4q05.blogspot.com. Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
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Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
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www.aaa.com Regular
Current Avg. $ 2.16
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
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Recipe(s) of the week - We’re sharing recipes from Shannon Voigt’s Taylor Recipe Book

A cold, wet weekend, calls for Soup - - Chicken Gumbo - - Howard Gordon


Ingredients:
1 cup chopped onion
1 cup celery chopped
¼ cup bell pepper
1 ½ qt chicken broth
2 cups ham chopped
2 or 3 cups sausage
2 small bay leaves
2 cans (2 pt) tomatoes
1 tsp. sugar
2 tsp. dried parsley
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 tsp. black pepper
1 tsp. basil
1 tsp. thyme
½ tsp. dried cayenne pepper
3 cups okra
4 cups chicken
Roux:
3 Tbsp. baking oil or bacon drippings
¾ cup flour

Method:
Melt ½ cup chicken fat, sauté onion, celery and bell pepper until tender. Add stock, tomatoes, bay leaves, all seasonings and okra. Bring to boil and simmer 45 minutes slowly add 2 cup gumbo mix liquid to roux. Stir to avoid lumping. Add all together and simmer 30 minutes. Serve over rice.
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BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

America's Secular Jihadists
1/12/2007
Atheists on the Offensive

Just a few months ago, I thought it was insulting to be called a “theocrat.” I was wrong. “Theocrat” is almost a compliment compared to what the Left is calling Christians now.

According to a New York Times review, we Christians are fascists—that’s what the Nazis were. And if we’re not stopped, we’ll try to take over America. It’s an illustration of how vicious the invective has become against faithful Christians.

“Of course there are Christian fascists in America,” writes Rick Perlstein in the New York Times Sunday Book Review. How else, for example, to explain the cadres who took former Chief Justice Roy Moore’s Ten Commandments monument on tour?

Perlstein was reviewing the latest in the recent crop of hate books about the Christian faith, this one titled, American Fascists: The Christian Right and the War on America, written by Chris Hedges. He details all the wacky killings, like the Aryan brotherhood over the last twenty-five years, and then concludes by saying that Christians are about to do the same thing. Talk about guilt by association.

The really dangerous thing here is that, by writing this kind of stuff, they are likely to embolden some nut to start shooting pastors and Christian leaders.

Perlstein was honest enough to admit that there has been no violence from Christians lately—but he reminds us that there used to be, and may be again, driven by all those violent Left Behind books.

Gee, what a backhanded compliment! We’re not as bad as we used to be—or will be in the future.

American Fascists is just the latest book in a long line of anti-Christian literature to hit the best-seller lists—all reviewed and promoted by the New York Times. Richard Dawkins, who wrote The God Delusion, suggests that the government may have to stop parents from sharing their religious beliefs with their kids, calling it a form of child abuse.

What’s behind this witch hunt? Two things.

First, it’s an effort to drive Christians out of public debates, like abortion and same-sex “marriage,” and sadly, there are signs it might be working.

Second, as Sam Schulman noted last week in the Wall Street Journal, atheists are trying to move heaven and earth (so to speak) to destroy belief in God.

In the Victorian age, it was atheists who were gentlemen, rather civilized, though held in low public regard. Today, atheists are trying to turn the tables: turning religious faith into “a cause for personal embarrassment.”

To the new atheists, religious belief is both misguided and contemptible, “the mark of people who need to be told how to think and how to vote,” Schulman writes. Belief in God is “a form of stupidity”—or so they say.

But the faith these atheists present is a parody of the faith that thousands have given their lives for, and for causes like ending the slave trade and human rights causes today. Look over the history of Western civilization, as Rodney Stark, the great sociologist, writes, and you’ll see that Christianity has been the source of all the great reforms and advances of Western civilization.

The best response to these attacks, of course, is just a loving assertion of the truth and a renewed effort to silence the critics by doing good.

And in the midst of these best-selling books that try to embarrass us out of our faith, we ought to remember the words of the Apostle Paul: “I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the power of God for all those who believe.”

Subscribe today to BreakPoint WorldView magazine! Call 1-877-322-5527.

For Further Reading and Information

Rick Perlstein, “Christian Empire,” New York Times, 7 January 2007.

Mollie Ziegler, “We’re All Fascists Now,” Get Religion, 10 January 2007.

Sam Schulman, “Without God, Gall Is Permitted,” Wall Street Journal, 5 January 2007, W11.

Rodney Stark, The Victory of Reason (Random House, 2005).

Michelle Goldberg, “The Holy Blitz Rolls On,” Salon, 8 January 2007.

Dr. Benjamin Wiker, “If I Only Had a Brain,” To the Source, 10 January 2007.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 060804, “The ‘Threat’ of Theocracy: Somebody Take a Chill Pill.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 061129, “A Cultural Cold Front: Bashing Religion.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 070102, “Brooking No Debate: Scientism, Crowbars, and Bats.”

Regis Nicoll, “Faith under Fire,” BreakPoint Online, 8 December 2006.

Roberto Rivera, “Re: The Blasphemy Challenge,” The Point, 21 December 2006.

Jeff Clinton, “Beyond Belief: Atheism Defended?” The Point, 8 December 2006.

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
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Words of the Week:
chimerical: merely imaginary; fanciful.
sunder: to break apart.
uxorious: excessively fond of or submissive to a wife.
coxcomb: a vain, showy fellow.
bowdlerize: to remove or modify the parts considered offensive.
incarnadine: pink or red; also, to redden.
tractable: docile; manageable, governable.
from Dictionary.Com
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"Worry looks around, sorry looks back, Faith looks up."

"Half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm but the harm does not interest them." - T.S. Eliot

"To live happily is an inward power of the soul." - Marcus Aurelius

"To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else." - Emily Dickinson

"I am convinced that the best service a retired general can perform is to turn in his tongue along with his suit, and to mothball his opinions." - Omar Bradley

"Peace is an unstable equilibrium, which can be preserved only by acknowledged supremacy or equal power." - Will Durant

"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root, and it may be that he who bestows the largest amount of time and money on the needy is doing the most by his mode of life to produce that misery which he strives in vain to relieve." - Henry David Thoreau

"In the United States, it is now possible for a person eighteen years of age, female as well as male, to graduate from high school, college, or university without ever having cared for, or even held, a baby; without ever having comforted or assisted another human being who really needed help. . . . No society can long sustain itself unless its members have learned the sensitivities, motivations, and skills involved in assisting and caring for other human beings." - Urie Bronfenbrenner
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BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

# Prayer & Action Alert: Focus on the Family Warns of New Bill that could Limit Freedom of Speech
# Tony Blair Desires Strong American Alliance in War Against Terror—Lists Dangers of Passivity
# Christian Doctor's Organization Challenges the Marketing of Designer Babies
# Remarkable Video of Comet as it Streaks Across Early Morning Wisconsin Sky

EDITOR'S NOTE: I am finding it interesting how 2007 has begun with some inspiring accounts of heroism. From the man who saved a stranger's life in the NY subway, to the two men who caught a falling toddler a few days later, and a woman you'll read about today, who saved her husband and two others from a crocodile. Our lead story is also an extraordinary account of "giving oneself for others," as a Marine gave his life for two of his men in 2004—but was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor this week. What is God saying to us through these real-life stories? Keep your eyes open—I believe you'll see even more in the coming months! — Aimee Herd, BCN.

* Marine Who Smothered Grenade with His Body Receives Congressional Medal of Honor
* Judge Shoots Down Effort by Anti-God Group to Stifle Veterans' Right to Spiritual-based Treatment at VA Facilities
* Wife Saves Husband from Jaws of Crocodile
* Head of Australian Army Says Australians Would be Prepared to Accept Casualties in Iraq Because They Believe Their Job is Vital

# Documentary of William Wilberforce Will Remind Viewers of Crucial Role Christians Played in Abolition Movement
# Doctor Proposes Location for Priestly City of Nob in Israel
# Columnist Defends President Bush's Right to Express His Belief in Power of Prayer
# Identical Twins, Miraculously Healed in Childhood, Now Lead Popular Christian Children's Show

# Prayer & Action Alert: Important Information and Petition for UK Citizens Concerning the SOR Law Which Could Threaten Christian Organizations' Freedom
# New Study Confirms Exciting Amniotic Stem Cell Discovery
# Caregivers for End-of-Life Family Members or Friends Feel Rewarded in Their Labors
# Innovative Theatre Company Produces McSaul, a Play Based on the Bible and Shakespeare

# Biker's Help to Honor Fallen Soldiers
# Man Dedicates Career to Plumbing the Correlation of Music to Human Emotions
# Little-Known Christian Mom Who Won Important Election in Ohio — Supports Teaching Intelligent Design in School
# Iraqi-born Woman Has "Unwavering Love" for the United States

# New Gallup Poll Shows Most Americans Believe News Media's Coverage of Iraq War Too Negative
# Powerful Healings and Salvations in Columbia
# Israelis Buying Up Property on Moon
# Supreme Court Set to Hear Case on Unions Getting Consent of Workers before Spending Dues for Political Purposes

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GCF: Bar Time

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life.
Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus before it was sent.
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An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him.

"What'll you have?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out.

"Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

_ ____________________________ _

GCF: You're, um, Welcome

Found at The Shark Tank (Computerworld) -Tom
http://www.computerworld.com/action/sharktank.do?command=viewDailyFull&date=20061214&source=NLT_SHARK&nlid=6
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You know this sort of user: the kind who blames IT for everything. "If I walk past her desk and so much as glance in her direction, anything that happens on her PC, lost file or otherwise, must be my fault," says the network administrator.

So he dreads the call he gets from her one day: "There's something wrong with my fax software. It hasn't worked in months. You must have done something to it."

He hasn't done any support on this user's PC in months and hasn't touched the fax software since he installed it four years ago. And he really doesn't want to go anywhere near the PC because he knows that, for months to come, everything will be his fault.

Hoping to dodge that headache, he emails the user. "Is the phone cable plugged into your computer and your phone?" he asks in the email.

The response comes by voice mail: "Well, that was pretty smart of you. The cable wasn't plugged in my phone. Thanks for your help -- you must have unplugged it the last time you were here!"

_ ____________________________ _

GCF: It Depends

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom
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A teacher said to her student, "William, if both of your parents were born in 1976, how old are they now?"

After a few moments, William answered, "It depends."

"It depends on what?" she asked.

"It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother."

_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Cleaning Instructions

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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I bought a great new toilet seat recently.

On the label was a suggestion on how to clean it.

Although nice to have the option, I doubt I'll take advantage of it.

My toilet seat, it seems, is "Dishwasher Safe."
_ ____________________________ _

(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Xerox never comes up \ /
\ _/ with anything original. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Too many couples marry for \ /
\ _/ better or for worse, \_ /
/ / but not for good. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / 7/5 of all people \ /
\ _/ do not understand fractions. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / On a scale of 1 to 10, \ /
\ _/ 4 is about 7. \_ /
/ / \ \
_ ____________________________ _
| Thomas S. Ellsworth |
| tellswor@slonet.org |
| http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor |
|____________________________|
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Maxine's Maxims

Time to lie on the beach. Yeah, I never tell the truth anywhere.

When repairmen say they'll "Come sometime next week," I usually say, "Fine, I'll pay you sometime next year."

I'm a pretty patient person. Just as long as I'm not kept waiting for anything.

I use my cookbook often -- to throw at people who suggest I cook.

Remember the "Twilight Zone" episode where a man went all day without saying anything stupid? That'll never happen in real life.

It's National Chili Week! Which makes next week National Stay Indoors Week.

I learned something important about burning leaves. Wait until they fall off the trees.

With each passing week, the days are getting a little bit shorter. Kind of like me.

Here's a spooky Halloween mystery: How do they fit so many calories into those mini candy bars?

Sadie Hawkins Day is when women hit on men. If noogies count, I hit on 'em every day.

I'm thinking of renewing my vow ... to never get married again.

Breaking up is hard to do. Unless you're mad and there's a vase nearby.

The best thing about late November is watching people who make homemade Christmas gifts start to really panic.

I could be a member of the "Polar Bear Club." Yeah, I stand in freezing cold water whenever someone flushes the toilet while I'm in the shower.

I enjoy battling mall crowds for the hot new Christmas toys. Oh, I don't buy the toy -- I just like battling.

Ever notice how the guy with the light-up Christmas tie always leaves the party alone?

I found a surprise or two under the tree -- the dog hates going outside in the snow.

I've got Christmas fever. That's what I get for skipping my flu shot.

My personal goal for this year is to get in the way of other people's goals.

I wish those long-distance phone companies would offer a special low rate on those calls to relatives that rattle on and on about nothing.

Now that the holidays are over, there are a lot of bargains out there -- in the form of slightly used gifts I've returned.

I cut my heating costs by 30 percent. Just let my legs go numb below the knee.

January is designated as National Diet Month -- mainly because December is National Eat-Like-a-Pig Month.

I'm getting cabin fever. Mainly from drinking syrup straight from the bottle.

Thought about taking up snowboarding, but then I figured, why not just ram myself into a tree and save that long trip to the mountains.

It's National Hot Tea Month! Throw a tea drinker into a harbor to celebrate.

The handy thing about credit cards is that they're a great way to pay off your credit cards.

Got the all-animal channel and the all-history channel, but I'm still waiting for the all-whining channel.

Received from Keith Sullivan.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Pack Lunch

One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to pack his own lunch for school. His mom agreed. But they couldn't agree on what he should pack, so they both made lists.

This was the mom's list:
One sandwich
One apple
Pretzels
A carton of milk

This was Jake's list:
Candy
Candy
Candy

Jake agreed to compromise. Sure enough, the next morning, Jake was ready for school and he packed his lunch. His mom came to check his lunch, and this is what he had:

An ice cream sandwich
A caramel apple
White chocolate-covered pretzels with sprinkles on top
A carton of Nesquik chocolate milk
And a bag of candy, of course, for dessert.

Received from Best of humor.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Jesus Is Watching You!

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are, anyway?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses!" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"

The bird promptly answered, "The same kind of people who would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!"

Received from Tom Williams.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Patients

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think file clerks are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and tail are interchangeable."

Received from CMZitzer.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] The Latest List of Vincent Van Gogh Relatives

After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

His obnoxious brother, Please Gogh.

His dizzy aunt, Verti Gogh.

The brother who ate prunes, Gotta Gogh.

The brother who worked at a convenience store, Stop n' Gogh.

The grandfather from Yugoslavia, U Gogh.

The brother who bleached his clothes white, Hue Gogh.

The cousin from Illinois, Chica Gogh.

His magician uncle, Wherediddy Gogh.

His Mexican cousin, Amee Gogh.

The Mexican cousin's American half brother, Grin Gogh.

The nephew who drove a stage coach, Wellsfar Gogh.

The constipated uncle, Cant Gogh.

The ballroom dancing aunt, Tan Gogh.

The bird lover uncle, Flamin Gogh.

His nephew psychoanalyst, E Gogh.

The fruit loving cousin, Man Gogh.

An aunt who taught positive thinking, Wayto Gogh.

The little bouncy nephew, Poe Gogh.

A sister who loved disco, Go Gogh.

His Italian uncle, Day Gogh.

And his niece who travels the country in a van, Winnie Bay
Gogh.

Received from Linda A Russell.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
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A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily-tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. "I yelled, "Now, back off biker boy or you'll answer to me!"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago."

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

His wife asks, "Where are you going?"

"To the kitchen " he replies.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"
Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

*Sunday School Trap*

The youth director had been trying for months to get the little boy down the street to come to church to be with his third grade Sunday school class.

Finally after talking to the boy and his mother for what seemed to be the hundredth time the boy finally agreed to go this next Sunday, which he did and seemed to enjoy all of the proceedings except as the baptismal service began he ran out the back door and ran all the way home. His mother asked him why did he run home instead of riding with the youth minister.

The little boy answered, "Its all a racket, They get you there and let you make all those nice things and tell you great stories just to get you relaxed so they can drown you at the end of one of the services.

(-:][:-)

*Boss Prepared*

As salesman was assigned to secure an important client but failed in his mission.

He faxed his secretary and asked her to break the news indirectly to his boss. His note read, "Failed in securing client, prepare the boss."

He received the following fax from his secretary:

"The boss is prepared... prepare yourself."

(-:][:-)

*Missionary Mimicking*

A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.

So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down, he sat down.

When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread. During the preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew. Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He was, and so the recruit clapped too.

Then the preacher said some words that he didn't understand and he saw the man next to him stand up. So he stood up too. Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing. So he sat down.

After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving. When the missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English: "I take it you don't speak Spanish."

The missionary recruit replied: "No I don't. It's that obvious?"

"Well yes," said the preacher, "I announced that the Acosta family had a newborn baby boy and would the proud father please stand up."

(-:][:-)

*Fatherly Chat*

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man.

The father invites the fiancee to his study for a chat. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.

"I am a Bible college student." he replies.

"A Bible college student. Hmmm," the father says. "admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance. The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."

(-:][:-)

Eye Laugh

"CD Burner"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw315

"Beware of"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw314

"Football is Catching On"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw313

"Don't Paint"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw312

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/2006/12/
Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate? (Humorous Quiz)
Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
If you’ve ever visited the delightful Bobbarama, you know that its witty proprietor posts the occasional Take Two. So, what exactly is a Take Two? It’s a battle of the sexes type humor collaboration, in which Bob and a funny female both write about a given topic.

Why am I telling you this? Because today I’m the female half of Bob’s collaboration, and the topic is shopping. I hope you’ll enjoy my take on shopping with your mate, which is in the form of a multiple choice quiz. (You’ll find a link to Bob’s take at the end of this post.)

Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate? (Humorous Quiz)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

One sure way to test a relationship is to shop with your mate. Not only is joint shopping stressful, but it amplifies differences in temperament and taste. It can even lead to bickering, brawls, and mayhem. So take this compatibility quiz now. Or risk being ousted from your favorite boutique.

1. When you arrive at the mall he:

a. Says “Let’s shop together. It’ll be fun.”
b. Says “Meet me in hardware.”
c. Vanishes.

2. In men’s clothing he:

a. Asks your opinion and compliments your taste.
b. Buys a tie he already owns.
c. Bemoans the demise of the leisure suit.

3. In lingerie he:

a. Says you look sexy in an oversized robe.
b. Asks you to model see-through garments too small to identify.
c. Hands you a Wonderbra.

4. While checking out men’s underwear he:

a. Agrees to try argyle socks.
b. Balks at replacing torn shirts because “They’re broken in just right.”
c. Doesn’t know his size. (”Mommy always buys my shorts.”)

5. When you try on a dress he:

a. Tells you everything looks great.
b. Checks the price before giving an opinion.
c. Snores.

6. At the jewelry counter he:

a. Admires a pair of his-and-her gold rings.
b. Claims to prefer flashy trinkets.
c. Promises to buy you something nicer “off the truck.”

7. In electronics he:

a. Helps you choose a home computer.
b. Asks for easy-to-use software for the “little lady.”
c. Watches the game.

8. At the video store he:

a. Finds a classic film you’ll both enjoy.
b. Hides out in the “adults only” department.
c. Suggests you buy a work-out tape.

9. In the book shop he:

a. Walks you to fiction where you discuss favorite authors.
b. Tells you he could write a Best Seller, if he only had the time.
c. Sprints to the swimsuit calendars.

10. In the record store he:

a. Finds you a long sought cd on the discount rack.
b. Heads for hard rock.
c. Asks for the 45’s.

11. At the toy mart he:

a. Helps select a game for your nephew.
b. Plays “People” non-stop on the electric piano.
c. Elbows children aside to play video games.

12. At “Pets R Us” he:

a. Oohs and aahs at kittens and pups.
b. Sneezes violently.
c. Mentions a childhood mishap involved parakeets and snakes.

13. In the pharmacy he:

a. Whips out a shopping list.
b. Pretends not to know you, while you ask for tampons:
c. Makes you buy the condoms.

14. At the supermarket he:

a. Says “You do aisles 1 to 8 and I’ll handle 9 to 16.”
b. Spends hours selecting beer and chips.
c. Appears stunned by the invention of scanners.”

15. If the supermarket line is long he:

a. Offers to save your place while you look around.
b. Pressures you to leave.
c. Wanders off to munch on “free samples.”

16. If something you bought is defective he:

a. Offers to return it.
b. Tries to convince you it “isn’t all that bad.”
c. Hides to avoid “a scene.”

When you’ve finished this quiz, total your abc’s. If you have ten or more a’s, you two may safely attempt a trip to the mall. Fewer than ten a’s? Seriously consider leaving him home.

And if you have more than ten c’s, check his parents’ refund policy. Perhaps his folks will take him back.

http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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http://www.bartleby.com/73/ Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations
The 2,100 entries in this eminently researched collection form the constellation of collected wisdom in American political debate. In fulfilling decades of requests from Members of Congress for citation of quotations, the Library of Congress compiled the most frequently asked questions of the legislature for the edification of every citizen.
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http://www.archives.gov/about/m National Archives
Of all documents and materials created in the course of business conducted by the United States Federal government, only 1% - 3% are so important for legal or historical reasons that they are kept by us forever. Those valuable records are preserved and are available to you, whether you want to see if they contain clues about your family's history, need to prove a veteran's military service, or are researching an historical topic that interests you.

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http://gasbuddy.com/ GasBuddy.com
GasBuddy.com can help you find cheap gas prices in your city. It is comprised of 170 gas price information web sites that help consumers find low gasoline prices. All web sites are operated by GasBuddy. GasBuddy has the most comprehensive listings of gas prices anywhere by far. Related site: A Primer on Gasoline Prices.
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http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/suicideprevention/ National Strategy for Suicide Prevention
From the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Fact sheets, FAQs, statistics, policy papers, and other documents and information about suicide prevention. Related site: Suicide Prevention Resource Center.
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http://www.win.niddk.nih.gov/ Weight-control Information Network
The Weight-control Information Network provides the general public, health professionals, the media, and Congress with up-to-date, science-based information on weight control, obesity, physical activity, and related nutritional issues.
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http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/bmi/index.htm Body Mass Index
BMI stands for Body Mass Index. It is a number that shows body weight adjusted for height. BMI can be calculated with simple math using inches and pounds, or meters and kilograms. For adults aged 20 years or older, BMI falls into one of these categories: underweight, normal, overweight, or obese.
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http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/electronics-computers/tvs.htm TVs Decision Guide
Not sure where to start? A lot has changed in the past few years, and you have more choices than ever. This step-by-step guide by Consumer Reports contains the essential information you need to find the TV that best suits your preferences and your budget.
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| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
January 11, 2007
Today's Message is from Sandy Barclay (a Houston Albemarle employee).

It's almost time to do a little yearly pruning. Here's an article about pruning safety.

Plant and tree pruning is a necessary part of many agricultural-related operations. And although pruning may seem like a simple task, pruners need to be aware of the safety issues and hazards associated with pruning activities. Before pruning begins, workers should receive training in pruning hazards; safe pruning techniques; safe tool handling; ladder safety; and the proper personal protection to be worn.

Above all, pruners should be dressed for protection. Personal protective equipment like protective
eyewear, gloves, headwear, shoes, long-sleeved shirts, and pants help shield workers from many pruning hazards. Workers should be appropriately dressed for the day’s weather conditions with light-colored, thin clothing for the hot days and warmer layers for cold or wet days. And for all
outdoor work, adequate sunscreen and a wide-brimmed hat provides protection against the sun’s harmful rays.

One hazard of pruning is from the branches or foliage removed during the pruning process. As many pruning activities require workers to get in close to the plant or tree to see where to make the best cut, an eye could be poked or cut by a ricocheting branch, flying debris or sharp twig. So eye
protection, such as safety glasses or face shields, is an essential part of pruning equipment. To
protect against other cuts and scrapes from foliage, workers should wear long-sleeved shirts, neck
scarves, and long pants. In some cases, a dust mask may be necessary to prevent inhaling airborne
particles during the cutting, grinding or sawing of limbs and foliage. Workers are also advised to
wear hard hats and sturdy or steel toed shoes to protect against falling limbs and debris.

Another hazard of pruning is from the cutting tools required to do the job. Tools include pruning
knives and saws, anvils and scissor shears, manual and electric hedge shears, branch loppers, pole
pruners and power saws. These tools have common hazards—sharp blades and pinching points. Workers can protect themselves from cutting injuries by practicing safe tool handling techniques, maintaining and storing tools properly, and wearing protective gloves. Well-fitting gloves can also
provide a better tool grip and prevent blisters, cuts or puncture wounds.

Because tree and orchard pruners often work at heights, they should be trained in ladder safety, including proper climbing techniques, ladder placement, and ladder maintenance. Shoes with good tread provide traction for climbing. Tree pruners should also note the location and height of electrical lines and avoid touching them with foliage, pruning equipment or lift equipment.

Other general safety tips for pruners include using proper lifting techniques; avoiding awkward postures; using ear plugs working around power tools; drinking plenty of liquids to prevent heat exhaustion and dehydration; taking short, frequent breaks from repetitive tasks; and stretching before, during and after work. Sometimes bees, wasps, snakes, and ticks may be encountered while pruning, so workers should carefully observe areas for signs of insect or reptile and avoid or take
extra care in those locations. Lastly, maintaining good health and overall strength can reduce injuries from the physical labor of pruning. If workers prune with safety in mind, they can snip hazards in the bud.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
January 10, 2007
Preventing Slips, Trips, and Falls

Did you know that slips, trips, and falls are second only to automobile accidents in causing personal injury? On stairways alone, falls result in almost two million disabling injuries yearly. There are thousands more minor injuries caused by slips, trips, and falls each year. Most alarming of all is the fact that industrial falls cause over 1000 deaths each year. This topic discusses what can be done to prevent slips, trips and falls. Most of the suggestions in this article can be used on the job and at home.

Slips occur when there is too little friction between a person's feet and the walking surface. Many factors can cause a slip. Ice, oil, water, cleaning fluids, and other slippery substances are probably the most obvious causes. However, the flooring may be inappropriate-perhaps it is a slick material-or the person who slips may not be wearing proper shoes. To prevent slips, avoid walking in areas which pose slipping hazards if at all possible. Always promptly clean up spills of slippery substances. Better yet, prevent the spills in the first place. If an area is a chronic problem, re-route foot traffic in order to avoid it. If flooring is a problem, replace it or coat it with a non-slip surfacing material. Always follow your company's safe shoe policy. Most safe shoe policies require a slip-resistant sole.

Trips occur when a person's foot contacts an object and they are thrown off balance. The main cause of tripping is obvious--anytime something is in a walkway it could cause someone to trip. Another culprit is an object which projects into the walkway--perhaps material stored low on a shelf. Poor lighting and uneven walking surfaces also cause tripping. Prevention of trips is simple but does require diligence. Keep objects that could cause someone to trip out of the way. Repair uneven flooring and install proper lighting if required.

Falls can be caused by a number of things. Slips and trips frequently result in a fall. Falls also occur for other reasons. Improper use of ladders and scaffolding can result in a fall-usually a very serious one. Falls also happen when people climb objects without using fall protection equipment. Don't risk serious injury by taking shortcuts. If you are working on a ladder, scaffold, or other elevated platform, make sure you know the requirements for using them safely. Always use fall protection equipment when it is required.

Slips, trips, and falls cause numerous injuries every day. But they are among the easiest hazards to correct. Take the time to look around your worksite for these hazards and work to prevent them. Take care not to cause any slip, trip, or fall hazards as you go about your daily activities. Don't let a slip, trip, or fall keep you from enjoying all that life has to offer.

http://www.webworldinc.com/wes-con/slips.htm
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------

Today's Safety From the Heart message was submitted by Pam Kemp.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

Friday morning on my way in to work, 6:55 or so, I encountered quite an experience with another driver who's destination was the same as mine, HERE.

First of all he zoomed around me on a double yellow line, next he cut through a convenience store on the corner (I'm sitting at the light with my blinker on to turn onto the main road leading to our facility) and watching his dangerous attempt to make it to the plant in record time. When I pulled into the parking lot he was getting out of his car and putting his hard hat on...just seconds before I parked my car. For a couple of extra seconds this person drove like a maniac and put himself as well as others in danger. I'm not exactly sure what the speed limit is on the road in front of the plant but I really don't remember there being a sign that says accelerate to see just how fast you can go in a few hundred feet.

You know who you are!!! If you are running that far behind, you need to leave a tad earlier so you won't have to make others fear for their safety as you pass them like a streak of lightening. It was still dark outside and the roads were slick from the light rain we had during the night...not a good time to play Nascar driver; save that for the racetrack.

For your safety and ours.....slow down and be more considerate of other drivers trying to do the same thing you are trying to do.... arrive in one piece at your job. Safety is of utmost importance to us all...at home, on the road and at work no matter what the time of day or night...think about it.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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In 1960, I woke up one morning with six hungry babies and just 75 cents in my pocket. Their father was gone. The boys ranged from 3 months to 7 years; their sister was 2. Their Dad had never been much more than a presence they feared.

Whenever they heard his tires crunch on the gravel driveway they would scramble to hide under their beds.

He did manage to leave $15 a week to buy groceries.

Now that he had decided to leave, there would be no more beat-ings, but no food either.

If there was a welfare system in effect in southern Indiana at that time, I certainly knew nothing about it. I scrubbed the kids until they looked brand new and then put on my best homemade dress, loaded them into the rusty old '51 Chevy and drove off to find a job.

The seven of us went to every factory, store and restaurant in our small town. No luck.

The kids stayed crammed into the car and tried to be quiet while I tried to convince whomever would listen that I was willing to learn or do anything. I had to have a job.

Still no luck. The last place we went to, just a few miles out of town, was an old Root Beer Barrel drive-in that had been converted to a truck stop. It was called the Big Wheel.

An old lady named Granny owned the place and she peeked out of the window from time to time at all those kids. She needed someone on the graveyard shift, 11 at night until 7 in the morning. She paid 65 cents an hour, and I could start that night.

I raced home and called the teenager down the street that baby-sat for people. I bargained with her to come and sleep on my sofa for a dollar a night. She could arrive with her pajamas on and the kids would already be asleep. This seemed like a good
arrangement to her, so we made a deal.

That night when the little ones and I knelt to say our prayers, we all thanked God for finding Mommy a job. And so I started at the Big Wheel.

When I got home in the mornings I woke the baby-sitter up and sent her home with one dollar of my tip money -- fully half of what I averaged every night. As the weeks went by, heating bills added a strain to my meager wage.

The tires on the old Chevy had the consistency of penny balloons and began to leak. I had to fill them with air on the way to work and again every morning before I could go home.

One bleak fall morning, I dragged myself to the car to go home and found four tires in the back seat. New tires! There was no note, no nothing, just those beautiful brand new tires. Had angels taken up residence in Indiana , I wondered?

I made a deal with the local service station. In exchange for his mounting the new tires, I would clean up his office. I remember it took me a lot longer to scrub his floor than it did for him to do the tires.

I was now working six nights instead of five and it still wasn't enough. Christmas was coming and I knew there would be no money for toys for the kids.

I found a can of red paint and started repairing and painting some old toys. Then hid them in the basement so there would be something for Santa to deliver on Christmas morning. Clothes were a worry, too. I was sewing patches on top of patches on the boys pants and soon they would be too far gone to repair.

On Christmas Eve the usual customers were drinking coffee i n the Big Wheel. These were the truckers, Les, Frank and Jim, and a state trooper named Joe.

A few musicians were hanging around after a gig at the Legion and were dropping nickels in the pinball machine. The regulars all just sat around and talked through the wee hours of the morning and then left to get home before the sun came up.

When it was time for me to go home at 7 on Christmas morning, to my amazement, my old battered Chevy was filled full to the top with boxes of all shapes and sizes. I quickly opened the driver's
side door, crawled inside and kneeled in the front facing the back seat.

Reaching back, I pulled off the lid of the top box. Inside was a whole case of little blue jeans, sizes 2-10! I looked inside another box: It was full of shirts to go with the jeans. Then I peeked inside some of the other boxes. There was candy and nuts and bananas and bags of groceries.

There was an enormous ham for baking, and canned vegetables and potatoes. There was pudding and Jell-O and cookies, pie filling and flour. There was a whole bag of laundry supplies and cleaning items.

And there were five toy trucks and one beautiful little doll.

As I drove back through em pty streets as the sun slowly rose on the most amazing Christmas Day of my life, I was sobbing with gratitude. And I will never forget the joy on the faces of my little ones that precious morning.

Yes, there were angels in Indiana that long-ago December. And they all hung out at the Big Wheel truck stop ..

THE POWER OF PRAYER. I believe that God only gives three answers to prayer:

1. "Yes!"
2. "Not yet."
3. "I have something better in mind."

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 12, Number 24 --- 11 Jan 2007
Tourbus Home -- http://www.InternetTourbus.com


TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: Fix Your Own Computer / Myspace Privacy

In today's TOURBUS, you'll find answers to 14 common computer problems that may be affecting you. Instead of an expensive trip to the repair shop, learn how to fix it yourself! We'll also take a look at the shocking security holes in Myspace affecting those with "private" profiles. Read on for answers!

------------------------
Fix Your Own Computer!
------------------------

A lot of the questions I get are from people with messed-up computers, wondering if they should head for the repair shop. In most cases, I recommend that people try to fix the problem on their own, and give them detailed instructions for doing so. I've put together a list of some of the most common "computer self help" questions from the past year, just in case you need a little help, and want to save a bunch of money. :-)

* SLOW COMPUTER? - I have a theory that sludge builds up inside a computer over time, much like an automobile engine. After a while, it doesn't start up like when it was new, it stalls unexpectedly, and performance is sluggish. Here's my special recipe to clean that icky goo out of your computer's pipes, so Windows will start quicker, run more reliably, and go faster on the information superhighway...

http://askbobrankin.com/make_windows_xp_run_faster.html

* WHICH ANTI-VIRUS OR ANTI-SPYWARE? - I hear from some readers who run 2 or 3 anti-virus programs, and half a dozen anti-spyware tools. Personally, I think that's overkill. Feuding "anti's" can cause system lockups, and slow down your computer. Here's my personal arsenal of free software to fight viruses, spyware and popups...

http://askbobrankin.com/antivirus_antispyware.html

* SYSTEM RESTORE - Wouldn't it be nice if you could go back to a point in time when your computer was working? Think of System Restore as the Undo command for Windows. Learn how to turn back the clock on your blunder or computer emergency...

http://askbobrankin.com/system_restore.html

* RECOVERY CONSOLE - Sometimes viruses, spyware or random cosmic rays will attack your computer,leaving you unable to even start Windows. In many cases, the Windows XP Recovery Console can help you fix the problem.

http://askbobrankin.com/recovery_console.html

* REMOTE ASSISTANCE - This free tool built into Windows lets your geeky friends interact with your computer just like they were sitting in front of it, even if they're half a world away. You see everything they're doing, so you can learn how to fix the problem yourself next time.

http://askbobrankin.com/remote_assistance.html

* SHARING A PRINTER - If you have two PC's but only one printer, you can share the printer so both can print to it. And you don't have to be a computer guru to make it happen. Here's how...

http://askbobrankin.com/sharing_a_printer.html

* LOW VIRTUAL MEMORY - If you get a message saying 'Your system is low on virtual memory' you probably need to install more RAM. But there are some other things you should check first...

http://askbobrankin.com/low_virtual_memory.html

* FIX MASTER BOOT RECORD - "I was trying to fix a spyware problem and it seems I messed up my computer. Now when I start Windows XP I get the 'MBR Corrupt' and 'Error loading operating system' messages." Here's how to fix a computer that won't boot up...

http://askbobrankin.com/fix_mbr.html

* DO YOU NEED A REGISTRY CLEANER? - If your computer keeps getting slower and slower, you might need to clean your registry. Here's the scoop on the Windows Registry and how to keep it tidy:

http://askbobrankin.com/do_i_need_a_registry_cleaner.html

* DO YOU NEED A FIREWALL? - Perhaps you've heard conflicting reports on whether or not you should be using a firewall. Some people say you MUST have a firewall if you have a highspeed DSL or cable connection. Here's the scoop on WHO needs a firewall, WHAT they do, and WHY you might be wasting your money on firewall software.

http://askbobrankin.com/do_i_need_a_firewall.html

* WIRELESS SECURITY - Since wireless networks are easy to set up, some people don't realize they are offering free Internet to anyone driving by with a laptop. Most people wouldn't want to allow their home network to be shared by strangers or used for illegal activity. Here's how to keep it from happening...

http://askbobrankin.com/wireless_security.html

* COMPUTER RESTARTS ITSELF - Does your Windows XP computer often restart itself for no apparent reason? It could be overheating, bad RAM, a software glitch, or spyware. Here's how to identify and solve the automatic restart problem...

http://askbobrankin.com/computer_restarts_itself.html

* INSTALLING A NEW HARD DRIVE - If you're running low on hard drive space, a new drive at today's low storage prices is a good idea. But should you a SATA, IDE, external or portable drive? And how big is big enough? Here are some tips on selecting & installing a drive, and help copying the files from your old drive.

http://askbobrankin.com/add_a_second_hard_drive.html

* CDROM OR DVD ICONS ARE GONE - If your CDROM and/or DVD icons are suddenly misssing, it's possible that evil gnomes have snuck into your computer and stolen the drive. But more likely, it's a software problem that's pretty easy to fix...

http://askbobrankin.com/cdrom_icon_missing.html

----------------------------------
Is There Any Privacy at Myspace?
----------------------------------

Myspace offers members the option to designate a profile as public or private. When you choose to have a private profile, only those people that you have selected as Myspace "friends" can view your profile, friends list, comments, etc. That's the theory anyway... but in actual practice, a surprising number of "hacks" have been discovered that allow ANYONE to view information on Myspace profiles that are supposed to be private.

My advice is to treat your Myspace page as a public forum and don't count on Myspace to keep ANYTHING private. For more information on exactly what may be exposed, and the details of how surprisingly easy it is to "hack" into private Myspace profiles, read on...

http://www.askbobrankin.com/view_private_profile.html

That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin

==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Staff Sgt. Charles D. Allen, 28, of Wasilla, Alaska, died Jan. 4 in Baghdad, Iraq, of injuries suffered when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire during combat operations. He was assigned to the 296th Brigade Support Battalion, 3rd Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Lewis, Wash.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three airmen who were killed Jan. 7 by a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device while performing duties in the Baghdad area supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. The airmen were assigned to the 775th Civil Engineer Squadron, Hill Air Force Base, Utah. Killed were:
02. Tech. Sgt. Timothy R. Weiner, 35, of Tamarac, Fla.
03. Senior Airman Elizabeth A. Loncki, 23, of New Castle, Del.
04. Senior Airman Daniel B. Miller Jr., 24, Galesburg, Ill.

05. Cpl. Jeremiah J. Johnson, 23, of Vancouver, Wash., died Jan. 6 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his vehicle rolled over Dec. 26 in Baghdad. Johnson was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 509th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team (Airborne), 25th Infantry Division, Fort Richardson, Alaska.

06. Sgt. Aron C. Blum, 22, of Tucson, Ariz., died Dec. 28 at Naval Medical Center, San Diego, Calif., of a non-hostile cause after being evacuated from Al Anbar province, Iraq, on Dec. 8. Blum was assigned to Marine Aerial Refueler Transport Squadron 352, Marine Aircraft Group 11, 3rd Marine Aircraft Wing, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Air Station Miramar, Calif.

07. Sgt. James M. Wosika Jr., 24, of St. Paul, Minn., died Jan. 9 in Fallujah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his unit while on combat patrol. Wosika was assigned to the 2nd Combined Arms Battalion, 136th Infantry, Crookston, Minn.

08. Spc. Eric T. Caldwell, 22, of Salisbury, Md., died Jan 7 in Iraq of wounds sustained when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

09. Spc. Raymond N. Mitchell, III, 21, of West Memphis, Ark., died Jan 6 in Baghdad, Iraq of wounds sustained during route security operations. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 14th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y.

10. Pfc. Ming Sun, 20, of Cathedral City, Calif., died Jan. 9 in Ar Ramadi, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire during combat patrol operations. Sun was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 9th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.

11. Pfc. Ryan R. Berg, 19, of Sabine Pass, Texas, died Jan. 9 in Baqubah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire. Berg was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 12th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

12. Maj. Michael L. Mundell, 47, of Brandenburg, Ky., died Jan. 5 in Fallujah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle during combat operations. Mundell was assigned to the 1st Brigade, 108th Division (Institutional Training), Spartanburg, S.C.

13. Cpl. Stephen J. Raderstorf, 21, of Peoria, Ariz., died Jan. 7 in Balad, Iraq, of wounds sustained during combat operations. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

~~~

Missing World War II Airmen are Identified

The Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that nine airmen missing in action from World War II have been identified and are being returned to their families for burial with full military honors.

The nine are 2nd Lt. Hugh L. Johnson Jr., Montgomery, Ala.; 2nd Lt. Byron L. Stenen, Northridge, Calif.; 2nd Lt. John F. Green, Watertown, N.Y.; 2nd Lt. John M. Meisner, Pembroke, Mass.; Staff Sgt. Walter Knudsen, Sioux City, Iowa; Cpl. John A. DeCarlo, Newark, N.J.; Cpl. Robert E. Raney, Monon, Ind.; Cpl. William G. Mohr, Mt. Wolf, Pa.; and Cpl. Michael J. Pushkar, Mahanoy City, Pa. All were assigned to the U.S. Army Air Forces.

The individually identified remains of Stenen, Green, Meisner, Mohr and Pushkar, as well as the group remains representing all nine crewmen, are being buried today at Arlington National Cemetery near Washington, D.C. Johnson, Knudsen and Raney will be buried elsewhere.

On the morning of Oct. 9, 1944, the crew took off on a training mission from Nadzab, New Guinea, in their B-24D Liberator. The aircraft was not seen again, and it was speculated that it had encountered bad weather.

In early 2002, the deputy chief of mission at the U.S. Embassy in Port Moresby reported the discovery of two dog tags by villagers from a World War II crash site in Morobe Province. Specialists from the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) traveled to Papua, New Guinea, in November 2002 to investigate several World War II aircraft losses. The team interviewed the two villagers who gave them the dog tags, then surveyed the site where aircraft wreckage and human remains were found.

A joint team of JPAC and Papua, New Guinea specialists mounted a full-scale excavation at the site January through February 2003, when they recovered additional human remains and crew-related artifacts from the wreckage field. JPAC scientists and Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory specialists used mitochondrial DNA as one of the forensic tools to help identify the remains. Laboratory analysis of dental remains also confirmed their identification.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO Web site at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo/ or call (703) 699-1169 .

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
~~~
MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Eph 4:22-24 Ezek 11:19-21 Acts 19:18-20 Num 28:11-13 Psa 7:17 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the "Blog" version just go to one of the several addresses on the web. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com or http://www.bugsbleat3q06.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleatfirst.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat3q05.blogspot.com, and http://www.bugsbleat4q05.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2007 before it was sent.
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We are extremely saddened by the death of Don Munn this week. Don is a long-time employee who was Production Supervisor in the CP-2000 unit. Fortunately, he was a Christian who is now with Christ.
~~~~~
Our sympathy is extended to Fred Buggs in the death of his mother.
~~~~~
This week we read Jeff Shaara’s "The Rising Tide" about the war in North Africa and Sicily.

My step father, James W. Duke, served in North Africa, Sicily and Italy, in Patton's army as a mess sergeant for an officer's mess.

He never admitted to experiencing combat but was in the hospital suffering from "Boils" (his description) when Patton slapped that soldier.

He told of being in his pup tent when "German" paratroopers tried to attack them. His description fits more your description of the US airborne troops being shot down over the beach head. He said that they had only been on the beach a day or so and that night the paratroopers attacked and our guys "shot them to hell" as he described the scene. He reported seeing planes downed and paratroopers shot as they floated down.

Another story involved the officers he cooked for asking if he wanted to go "see the war". They took him up a mountain and stopped with a view of a valley where American Tanks were attacking Germans. He said that during the battle, the Germans did great damage to the Americans and he said that many tank crews were killed.
~~~~~
The photos on the front of this weeks “Bleat” include: “Upward” Basketball players pray before playing. Zac drives to the basket. Zac talks to the referee, Joey Cranston.
~~~~~
Dr. Pat Antoon’s New Address
Patrick Antoon
#06669-010
Federal Satellite Low-La Tuna
Anthony, NM/TX 88021
Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com or you can see last quarter’s at http://www.bugsbleat4q06.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleat2q.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleatfirst.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat3q05.blogspot.com, and http://www.bugsbleat4q05.blogspot.com. Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular
Current Avg. $ 2.21
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - We’re sharing recipes from Shannon Voigt’s Taylor Recipe Book

A cold, wet weekend, calls for Soup

Chicken Gumbo
Howard Gordon
Ingredients:
1 cup chopped onion
1 cup celery chopped
¼ cup bell pepper
1 ½ qt chicken broth
2 cups ham chopped
2 or 3 cups sausage
2 small bay leaves
2 cans (2 pt) tomatoes
1 tsp. sugar
2 tsp. dried parsley
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 tsp. black pepper
1 tsp. basil
1 tsp. thyme
½ tsp. dried cayenne pepper
3 cups okra
4 cups chicken
Roux:
3 Tbsp. baking oil or bacon drippings
¾ cup flour
Method:
Melt ½ cup chicken fat, saute onion, celery and bell pepper until tender. Add stock, tomatoes, bay leaves, all seasonings and okra. Bring to boil and simmer 45 minutes slowly add 2 cup gumbo mix liquid to roux. Stir to avoid lumping. Add all together and simmer 30 minutes. Serve over rice.


~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

America's Secular Jihadists
1/12/2007
Atheists on the Offensive

Just a few months ago, I thought it was insulting to be called a “theocrat.” I was wrong. “Theocrat” is almost a compliment compared to what the Left is calling Christians now.

According to a New York Times review, we Christians are fascists—that’s what the Nazis were. And if we’re not stopped, we’ll try to take over America. It’s an illustration of how vicious the invective has become against faithful Christians.

“Of course there are Christian fascists in America,” writes Rick Perlstein in the New York Times Sunday Book Review. How else, for example, to explain the cadres who took former Chief Justice Roy Moore’s Ten Commandments monument on tour?

Perlstein was reviewing the latest in the recent crop of hate books about the Christian faith, this one titled, American Fascists: The Christian Right and the War on America, written by Chris Hedges. He details all the wacky killings, like the Aryan brotherhood over the last twenty-five years, and then concludes by saying that Christians are about to do the same thing. Talk about guilt by association.

The really dangerous thing here is that, by writing this kind of stuff, they are likely to embolden some nut to start shooting pastors and Christian leaders.

Perlstein was honest enough to admit that there has been no violence from Christians lately—but he reminds us that there used to be, and may be again, driven by all those violent Left Behind books.

Gee, what a backhanded compliment! We’re not as bad as we used to be—or will be in the future.

American Fascists is just the latest book in a long line of anti-Christian literature to hit the best-seller lists—all reviewed and promoted by the New York Times. Richard Dawkins, who wrote The God Delusion, suggests that the government may have to stop parents from sharing their religious beliefs with their kids, calling it a form of child abuse.

What’s behind this witch hunt? Two things.

First, it’s an effort to drive Christians out of public debates, like abortion and same-sex “marriage,” and sadly, there are signs it might be working.

Second, as Sam Schulman noted last week in the Wall Street Journal, atheists are trying to move heaven and earth (so to speak) to destroy belief in God.

In the Victorian age, it was atheists who were gentlemen, rather civilized, though held in low public regard. Today, atheists are trying to turn the tables: turning religious faith into “a cause for personal embarrassment.”

To the new atheists, religious belief is both misguided and contemptible, “the mark of people who need to be told how to think and how to vote,” Schulman writes. Belief in God is “a form of stupidity”—or so they say.

But the faith these atheists present is a parody of the faith that thousands have given their lives for, and for causes like ending the slave trade and human rights causes today. Look over the history of Western civilization, as Rodney Stark, the great sociologist, writes, and you’ll see that Christianity has been the source of all the great reforms and advances of Western civilization.

The best response to these attacks, of course, is just a loving assertion of the truth and a renewed effort to silence the critics by doing good.

And in the midst of these best-selling books that try to embarrass us out of our faith, we ought to remember the words of the Apostle Paul: “I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the power of God for all those who believe.”

Subscribe today to BreakPoint WorldView magazine! Call 1-877-322-5527.

For Further Reading and Information

Rick Perlstein, “Christian Empire,” New York Times, 7 January 2007.

Mollie Ziegler, “We’re All Fascists Now,” Get Religion, 10 January 2007.

Sam Schulman, “Without God, Gall Is Permitted,” Wall Street Journal, 5 January 2007, W11.

Rodney Stark, The Victory of Reason (Random House, 2005).

Michelle Goldberg, “The Holy Blitz Rolls On,” Salon, 8 January 2007.

Dr. Benjamin Wiker, “If I Only Had a Brain,” To the Source, 10 January 2007.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 060804, “The ‘Threat’ of Theocracy: Somebody Take a Chill Pill.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 061129, “A Cultural Cold Front: Bashing Religion.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 070102, “Brooking No Debate: Scientism, Crowbars, and Bats.”

Regis Nicoll, “Faith under Fire,” BreakPoint Online, 8 December 2006.

Roberto Rivera, “Re: The Blasphemy Challenge,” The Point, 21 December 2006.

Jeff Clinton, “Beyond Belief: Atheism Defended?” The Point, 8 December 2006.

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
chimerical: merely imaginary; fanciful.
sunder: to break apart.
uxorious: excessively fond of or submissive to a wife.
coxcomb: a vain, showy fellow.
bowdlerize: to remove or modify the parts considered offensive.
incarnadine: pink or red; also, to redden.
tractable: docile; manageable, governable.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"Worry looks around, sorry looks back, Faith looks up."

"Half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm but the harm does not interest them." - T.S. Eliot

"To live happily is an inward power of the soul." - Marcus Aurelius

"To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else." - Emily Dickinson

"I am convinced that the best service a retired general can perform is to turn in his tongue along with his suit, and to mothball his opinions." - Omar Bradley

"Peace is an unstable equilibrium, which can be preserved only by acknowledged supremacy or equal power." - Will Durant

"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root, and it may be that he who bestows the largest amount of time and money on the needy is doing the most by his mode of life to produce that misery which he strives in vain to relieve." - Henry David Thoreau

"In the United States, it is now possible for a person eighteen years of age, female as well as male, to graduate from high school, college, or university without ever having cared for, or even held, a baby; without ever having comforted or assisted another human being who really needed help. . . . No society can long sustain itself unless its members have learned the sensitivities, motivations, and skills involved in assisting and caring for other human beings." - Urie Bronfenbrenner
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

# Prayer & Action Alert: Focus on the Family Warns of New Bill that could Limit Freedom of Speech
# Tony Blair Desires Strong American Alliance in War Against Terror—Lists Dangers of Passivity
# Christian Doctor's Organization Challenges the Marketing of Designer Babies
# Remarkable Video of Comet as it Streaks Across Early Morning Wisconsin Sky

EDITOR'S NOTE: I am finding it interesting how 2007 has begun with some inspiring accounts of heroism. From the man who saved a stranger's life in the NY subway, to the two men who caught a falling toddler a few days later, and a woman you'll read about today, who saved her husband and two others from a crocodile. Our lead story is also an extraordinary account of "giving oneself for others," as a Marine gave his life for two of his men in 2004—but was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor this week. What is God saying to us through these real-life stories? Keep your eyes open—I believe you'll see even more in the coming months! — Aimee Herd, BCN.

* Marine Who Smothered Grenade with His Body Receives Congressional Medal of Honor
* Judge Shoots Down Effort by Anti-God Group to Stifle Veterans' Right to Spiritual-based Treatment at VA Facilities
* Wife Saves Husband from Jaws of Crocodile
* Head of Australian Army Says Australians Would be Prepared to Accept Casualties in Iraq Because They Believe Their Job is Vital

# Documentary of William Wilberforce Will Remind Viewers of Crucial Role Christians Played in Abolition Movement
# Doctor Proposes Location for Priestly City of Nob in Israel
# Columnist Defends President Bush's Right to Express His Belief in Power of Prayer
# Identical Twins, Miraculously Healed in Childhood, Now Lead Popular Christian Children's Show

# Prayer & Action Alert: Important Information and Petition for UK Citizens Concerning the SOR Law Which Could Threaten Christian Organizations' Freedom
# New Study Confirms Exciting Amniotic Stem Cell Discovery
# Caregivers for End-of-Life Family Members or Friends Feel Rewarded in Their Labors
# Innovative Theatre Company Produces McSaul, a Play Based on the Bible and Shakespeare

# Biker's Help to Honor Fallen Soldiers
# Man Dedicates Career to Plumbing the Correlation of Music to Human Emotions
# Little-Known Christian Mom Who Won Important Election in Ohio — Supports Teaching Intelligent Design in School
# Iraqi-born Woman Has "Unwavering Love" for the United States

# New Gallup Poll Shows Most Americans Believe News Media's Coverage of Iraq War Too Negative
# Powerful Healings and Salvations in Columbia
# Israelis Buying Up Property on Moon
# Supreme Court Set to Hear Case on Unions Getting Consent of Workers before Spending Dues for Political Purposes
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GCF: Bar Time

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life.
Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus before it was sent.
------------------------------------------------

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him.

"What'll you have?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out.

"Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

_ ____________________________ _

GCF: You're, um, Welcome

Found at The Shark Tank (Computerworld) -Tom
http://www.computerworld.com/action/sharktank.do?command=viewDailyFull&date=20061214&source=NLT_SHARK&nlid=6
------------------------------------------------

You know this sort of user: the kind who blames IT for everything. "If I walk past her desk and so much as glance in her direction, anything that happens on her PC, lost file or otherwise, must be my fault," says the network administrator.

So he dreads the call he gets from her one day: "There's something wrong with my fax software. It hasn't worked in months. You must have done something to it."

He hasn't done any support on this user's PC in months and hasn't touched the fax software since he installed it four years ago. And he really doesn't want to go anywhere near the PC because he knows that, for months to come, everything will be his fault.

Hoping to dodge that headache, he emails the user. "Is the phone cable plugged into your computer and your phone?" he asks in the email.

The response comes by voice mail: "Well, that was pretty smart of you. The cable wasn't plugged in my phone. Thanks for your help -- you must have unplugged it the last time you were here!"

_ ____________________________ _

GCF: It Depends

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom
------------------------------------------------

A teacher said to her student, "William, if both of your parents were born in 1976, how old are they now?"

After a few moments, William answered, "It depends."

"It depends on what?" she asked.

"It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother."

_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Cleaning Instructions

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
------------------------------------------------

I bought a great new toilet seat recently.

On the label was a suggestion on how to clean it.

Although nice to have the option, I doubt I'll take advantage of it.

My toilet seat, it seems, is "Dishwasher Safe."
_ ____________________________ _

(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Xerox never comes up \ /
\ _/ with anything original. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Too many couples marry for \ /
\ _/ better or for worse, \_ /
/ / but not for good. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / 7/5 of all people \ /
\ _/ do not understand fractions. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / On a scale of 1 to 10, \ /
\ _/ 4 is about 7. \_ /
/ / \ \
_ ____________________________ _
| Thomas S. Ellsworth |
| tellswor@slonet.org |
| http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor |
|____________________________|
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Maxine's Maxims

Time to lie on the beach. Yeah, I never tell the truth anywhere.

When repairmen say they'll "Come sometime next week," I usually say, "Fine, I'll pay you sometime next year."

I'm a pretty patient person. Just as long as I'm not kept waiting for anything.

I use my cookbook often -- to throw at people who suggest I cook.

Remember the "Twilight Zone" episode where a man went all day without saying anything stupid? That'll never happen in real life.

It's National Chili Week! Which makes next week National Stay Indoors Week.

I learned something important about burning leaves. Wait until they fall off the trees.

With each passing week, the days are getting a little bit shorter. Kind of like me.

Here's a spooky Halloween mystery: How do they fit so many calories into those mini candy bars?

Sadie Hawkins Day is when women hit on men. If noogies count, I hit on 'em every day.

I'm thinking of renewing my vow ... to never get married again.

Breaking up is hard to do. Unless you're mad and there's a vase nearby.

The best thing about late November is watching people who make homemade Christmas gifts start to really panic.

I could be a member of the "Polar Bear Club." Yeah, I stand in freezing cold water whenever someone flushes the toilet while I'm in the shower.

I enjoy battling mall crowds for the hot new Christmas toys. Oh, I don't buy the toy -- I just like battling.

Ever notice how the guy with the light-up Christmas tie always leaves the party alone?

I found a surprise or two under the tree -- the dog hates going outside in the snow.

I've got Christmas fever. That's what I get for skipping my flu shot.

My personal goal for this year is to get in the way of other people's goals.

I wish those long-distance phone companies would offer a special low rate on those calls to relatives that rattle on and on about nothing.

Now that the holidays are over, there are a lot of bargains out there -- in the form of slightly used gifts I've returned.

I cut my heating costs by 30 percent. Just let my legs go numb below the knee.

January is designated as National Diet Month -- mainly because December is National Eat-Like-a-Pig Month.

I'm getting cabin fever. Mainly from drinking syrup straight from the bottle.

Thought about taking up snowboarding, but then I figured, why not just ram myself into a tree and save that long trip to the mountains.

It's National Hot Tea Month! Throw a tea drinker into a harbor to celebrate.

The handy thing about credit cards is that they're a great way to pay off your credit cards.

Got the all-animal channel and the all-history channel, but I'm still waiting for the all-whining channel.

Received from Keith Sullivan.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Pack Lunch

One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to pack his own lunch for school. His mom agreed. But they couldn't agree on what he should pack, so they both made lists.

This was the mom's list:
One sandwich
One apple
Pretzels
A carton of milk

This was Jake's list:
Candy
Candy
Candy

Jake agreed to compromise. Sure enough, the next morning, Jake was ready for school and he packed his lunch. His mom came to check his lunch, and this is what he had:

An ice cream sandwich
A caramel apple
White chocolate-covered pretzels with sprinkles on top
A carton of Nesquik chocolate milk
And a bag of candy, of course, for dessert.

Received from Best of humor.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Jesus Is Watching You!

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are, anyway?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses!" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"

The bird promptly answered, "The same kind of people who would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!"

Received from Tom Williams.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Patients

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think file clerks are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and tail are interchangeable."

Received from CMZitzer.

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[GCFL.net] The Latest List of Vincent Van Gogh Relatives

After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

His obnoxious brother, Please Gogh.

His dizzy aunt, Verti Gogh.

The brother who ate prunes, Gotta Gogh.

The brother who worked at a convenience store, Stop n' Gogh.

The grandfather from Yugoslavia, U Gogh.

The brother who bleached his clothes white, Hue Gogh.

The cousin from Illinois, Chica Gogh.

His magician uncle, Wherediddy Gogh.

His Mexican cousin, Amee Gogh.

The Mexican cousin's American half brother, Grin Gogh.

The nephew who drove a stage coach, Wellsfar Gogh.

The constipated uncle, Cant Gogh.

The ballroom dancing aunt, Tan Gogh.

The bird lover uncle, Flamin Gogh.

His nephew psychoanalyst, E Gogh.

The fruit loving cousin, Man Gogh.

An aunt who taught positive thinking, Wayto Gogh.

The little bouncy nephew, Poe Gogh.

A sister who loved disco, Go Gogh.

His Italian uncle, Day Gogh.

And his niece who travels the country in a van, Winnie Bay
Gogh.

Received from Linda A Russell.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
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A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily-tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. "I yelled, "Now, back off biker boy or you'll answer to me!"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago."

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

His wife asks, "Where are you going?"

"To the kitchen " he replies.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"
Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

*Sunday School Trap*

The youth director had been trying for months to get the little boy down the street to come to church to be with his third grade Sunday school class.

Finally after talking to the boy and his mother for what seemed to be the hundredth time the boy finally agreed to go this next Sunday, which he did and seemed to enjoy all of the proceedings except as the baptismal service began he ran out the back door and ran all the way home. His mother asked him why did he run home instead of riding with the youth minister.

The little boy answered, "Its all a racket, They get you there and let you make all those nice things and tell you great stories just to get you relaxed so they can drown you at the end of one of the services.

(-:][:-)

*Boss Prepared*

As salesman was assigned to secure an important client but failed in his mission.

He faxed his secretary and asked her to break the news indirectly to his boss. His note read, "Failed in securing client, prepare the boss."

He received the following fax from his secretary:

"The boss is prepared... prepare yourself."

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*Missionary Mimicking*

A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.

So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down, he sat down.

When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread. During the preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew. Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He was, and so the recruit clapped too.

Then the preacher said some words that he didn't understand and he saw the man next to him stand up. So he stood up too. Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing. So he sat down.

After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving. When the missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English: "I take it you don't speak Spanish."

The missionary recruit replied: "No I don't. It's that obvious?"

"Well yes," said the preacher, "I announced that the Acosta family had a newborn baby boy and would the proud father please stand up."

(-:][:-)

*Fatherly Chat*

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man.

The father invites the fiancee to his study for a chat. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.

"I am a Bible college student." he replies.

"A Bible college student. Hmmm," the father says. "admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance. The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."

(-:][:-)

Eye Laugh

"CD Burner"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw315

"Beware of"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw314

"Football is Catching On"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw313

"Don't Paint"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw312

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/2006/12/
Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate? (Humorous Quiz)
Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
If you’ve ever visited the delightful Bobbarama, you know that its witty proprietor posts the occasional Take Two. So, what exactly is a Take Two? It’s a battle of the sexes type humor collaboration, in which Bob and a funny female both write about a given topic.

Why am I telling you this? Because today I’m the female half of Bob’s collaboration, and the topic is shopping. I hope you’ll enjoy my take on shopping with your mate, which is in the form of a multiple choice quiz. (You’ll find a link to Bob’s take at the end of this post.)

Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate? (Humorous Quiz)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

One sure way to test a relationship is to shop with your mate. Not only is joint shopping stressful, but it amplifies differences in temperament and taste. It can even lead to bickering, brawls, and mayhem. So take this compatibility quiz now. Or risk being ousted from your favorite boutique.

1. When you arrive at the mall he:

a. Says “Let’s shop together. It’ll be fun.”
b. Says “Meet me in hardware.”
c. Vanishes.

2. In men’s clothing he:

a. Asks your opinion and compliments your taste.
b. Buys a tie he already owns.
c. Bemoans the demise of the leisure suit.

3. In lingerie he:

a. Says you look sexy in an oversized robe.
b. Asks you to model see-through garments too small to identify.
c. Hands you a Wonderbra.

4. While checking out men’s underwear he:

a. Agrees to try argyle socks.
b. Balks at replacing torn shirts because “They’re broken in just right.”
c. Doesn’t know his size. (”Mommy always buys my shorts.”)

5. When you try on a dress he:

a. Tells you everything looks great.
b. Checks the price before giving an opinion.
c. Snores.

6. At the jewelry counter he:

a. Admires a pair of his-and-her gold rings.
b. Claims to prefer flashy trinkets.
c. Promises to buy you something nicer “off the truck.”

7. In electronics he:

a. Helps you choose a home computer.
b. Asks for easy-to-use software for the “little lady.”
c. Watches the game.

8. At the video store he:

a. Finds a classic film you’ll both enjoy.
b. Hides out in the “adults only” department.
c. Suggests you buy a work-out tape.

9. In the book shop he:

a. Walks you to fiction where you discuss favorite authors.
b. Tells you he could write a Best Seller, if he only had the time.
c. Sprints to the swimsuit calendars.

10. In the record store he:

a. Finds you a long sought cd on the discount rack.
b. Heads for hard rock.
c. Asks for the 45’s.

11. At the toy mart he:

a. Helps select a game for your nephew.
b. Plays “People” non-stop on the electric piano.
c. Elbows children aside to play video games.

12. At “Pets R Us” he:

a. Oohs and aahs at kittens and pups.
b. Sneezes violently.
c. Mentions a childhood mishap involved parakeets and snakes.

13. In the pharmacy he:

a. Whips out a shopping list.
b. Pretends not to know you, while you ask for tampons:
c. Makes you buy the condoms.

14. At the supermarket he:

a. Says “You do aisles 1 to 8 and I’ll handle 9 to 16.”
b. Spends hours selecting beer and chips.
c. Appears stunned by the invention of scanners.”

15. If the supermarket line is long he:

a. Offers to save your place while you look around.
b. Pressures you to leave.
c. Wanders off to munch on “free samples.”

16. If something you bought is defective he:

a. Offers to return it.
b. Tries to convince you it “isn’t all that bad.”
c. Hides to avoid “a scene.”

When you’ve finished this quiz, total your abc’s. If you have ten or more a’s, you two may safely attempt a trip to the mall. Fewer than ten a’s? Seriously consider leaving him home.

And if you have more than ten c’s, check his parents’ refund policy. Perhaps his folks will take him back.

http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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http://www.bartleby.com/73/ Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations
The 2,100 entries in this eminently researched collection form the constellation of collected wisdom in American political debate. In fulfilling decades of requests from Members of Congress for citation of quotations, the Library of Congress compiled the most frequently asked questions of the legislature for the edification of every citizen.
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http://www.archives.gov/about/m National Archives
Of all documents and materials created in the course of business conducted by the United States Federal government, only 1% - 3% are so important for legal or historical reasons that they are kept by us forever. Those valuable records are preserved and are available to you, whether you want to see if they contain clues about your family's history, need to prove a veteran's military service, or are researching an historical topic that interests you.

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http://gasbuddy.com/ GasBuddy.com
GasBuddy.com can help you find cheap gas prices in your city. It is comprised of 170 gas price information web sites that help consumers find low gasoline prices. All web sites are operated by GasBuddy. GasBuddy has the most comprehensive listings of gas prices anywhere by far. Related site: A Primer on Gasoline Prices.
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http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/suicideprevention/ National Strategy for Suicide Prevention
From the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Fact sheets, FAQs, statistics, policy papers, and other documents and information about suicide prevention. Related site: Suicide Prevention Resource Center.
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http://www.win.niddk.nih.gov/ Weight-control Information Network
The Weight-control Information Network provides the general public, health professionals, the media, and Congress with up-to-date, science-based information on weight control, obesity, physical activity, and related nutritional issues.
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http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/bmi/index.htm Body Mass Index
BMI stands for Body Mass Index. It is a number that shows body weight adjusted for height. BMI can be calculated with simple math using inches and pounds, or meters and kilograms. For adults aged 20 years or older, BMI falls into one of these categories: underweight, normal, overweight, or obese.
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http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/electronics-computers/tvs.htm TVs Decision Guide
Not sure where to start? A lot has changed in the past few years, and you have more choices than ever. This step-by-step guide by Consumer Reports contains the essential information you need to find the TV that best suits your preferences and your budget.
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| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
January 11, 2007
Today's Message is from Sandy Barclay (a Houston Albemarle employee).

It's almost time to do a little yearly pruning. Here's an article about pruning safety.

Plant and tree pruning is a necessary part of many agricultural-related operations. And although pruning may seem like a simple task, pruners need to be aware of the safety issues and hazards associated with pruning activities. Before pruning begins, workers should receive training in pruning hazards; safe pruning techniques; safe tool handling; ladder safety; and the proper personal protection to be worn.

Above all, pruners should be dressed for protection. Personal protective equipment like protective
eyewear, gloves, headwear, shoes, long-sleeved shirts, and pants help shield workers from many pruning hazards. Workers should be appropriately dressed for the day’s weather conditions with light-colored, thin clothing for the hot days and warmer layers for cold or wet days. And for all
outdoor work, adequate sunscreen and a wide-brimmed hat provides protection against the sun’s harmful rays.

One hazard of pruning is from the branches or foliage removed during the pruning process. As many pruning activities require workers to get in close to the plant or tree to see where to make the best cut, an eye could be poked or cut by a ricocheting branch, flying debris or sharp twig. So eye
protection, such as safety glasses or face shields, is an essential part of pruning equipment. To
protect against other cuts and scrapes from foliage, workers should wear long-sleeved shirts, neck
scarves, and long pants. In some cases, a dust mask may be necessary to prevent inhaling airborne
particles during the cutting, grinding or sawing of limbs and foliage. Workers are also advised to
wear hard hats and sturdy or steel toed shoes to protect against falling limbs and debris.

Another hazard of pruning is from the cutting tools required to do the job. Tools include pruning
knives and saws, anvils and scissor shears, manual and electric hedge shears, branch loppers, pole
pruners and power saws. These tools have common hazards—sharp blades and pinching points. Workers can protect themselves from cutting injuries by practicing safe tool handling techniques, maintaining and storing tools properly, and wearing protective gloves. Well-fitting gloves can also
provide a better tool grip and prevent blisters, cuts or puncture wounds.

Because tree and orchard pruners often work at heights, they should be trained in ladder safety, including proper climbing techniques, ladder placement, and ladder maintenance. Shoes with good tread provide traction for climbing. Tree pruners should also note the location and height of electrical lines and avoid touching them with foliage, pruning equipment or lift equipment.

Other general safety tips for pruners include using proper lifting techniques; avoiding awkward postures; using ear plugs working around power tools; drinking plenty of liquids to prevent heat exhaustion and dehydration; taking short, frequent breaks from repetitive tasks; and stretching before, during and after work. Sometimes bees, wasps, snakes, and ticks may be encountered while pruning, so workers should carefully observe areas for signs of insect or reptile and avoid or take
extra care in those locations. Lastly, maintaining good health and overall strength can reduce injuries from the physical labor of pruning. If workers prune with safety in mind, they can snip hazards in the bud.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
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January 10, 2007
Preventing Slips, Trips, and Falls

Did you know that slips, trips, and falls are second only to automobile accidents in causing personal injury? On stairways alone, falls result in almost two million disabling injuries yearly. There are thousands more minor injuries caused by slips, trips, and falls each year. Most alarming of all is the fact that industrial falls cause over 1000 deaths each year. This topic discusses what can be done to prevent slips, trips and falls. Most of the suggestions in this article can be used on the job and at home.

Slips occur when there is too little friction between a person's feet and the walking surface. Many factors can cause a slip. Ice, oil, water, cleaning fluids, and other slippery substances are probably the most obvious causes. However, the flooring may be inappropriate-perhaps it is a slick material-or the person who slips may not be wearing proper shoes. To prevent slips, avoid walking in areas which pose slipping hazards if at all possible. Always promptly clean up spills of slippery substances. Better yet, prevent the spills in the first place. If an area is a chronic problem, re-route foot traffic in order to avoid it. If flooring is a problem, replace it or coat it with a non-slip surfacing material. Always follow your company's safe shoe policy. Most safe shoe policies require a slip-resistant sole.

Trips occur when a person's foot contacts an object and they are thrown off balance. The main cause of tripping is obvious--anytime something is in a walkway it could cause someone to trip. Another culprit is an object which projects into the walkway--perhaps material stored low on a shelf. Poor lighting and uneven walking surfaces also cause tripping. Prevention of trips is simple but does require diligence. Keep objects that could cause someone to trip out of the way. Repair uneven flooring and install proper lighting if required.

Falls can be caused by a number of things. Slips and trips frequently result in a fall. Falls also occur for other reasons. Improper use of ladders and scaffolding can result in a fall-usually a very serious one. Falls also happen when people climb objects without using fall protection equipment. Don't risk serious injury by taking shortcuts. If you are working on a ladder, scaffold, or other elevated platform, make sure you know the requirements for using them safely. Always use fall protection equipment when it is required.

Slips, trips, and falls cause numerous injuries every day. But they are among the easiest hazards to correct. Take the time to look around your worksite for these hazards and work to prevent them. Take care not to cause any slip, trip, or fall hazards as you go about your daily activities. Don't let a slip, trip, or fall keep you from enjoying all that life has to offer.

http://www.webworldinc.com/wes-con/slips.htm
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------

Today's Safety From the Heart message was submitted by Pam Kemp.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

Friday morning on my way in to work, 6:55 or so, I encountered quite an experience with another driver who's destination was the same as mine, HERE.

First of all he zoomed around me on a double yellow line, next he cut through a convenience store on the corner (I'm sitting at the light with my blinker on to turn onto the main road leading to our facility) and watching his dangerous attempt to make it to the plant in record time. When I pulled into the parking lot he was getting out of his car and putting his hard hat on...just seconds before I parked my car. For a couple of extra seconds this person drove like a maniac and put himself as well as others in danger. I'm not exactly sure what the speed limit is on the road in front of the plant but I really don't remember there being a sign that says accelerate to see just how fast you can go in a few hundred feet.

You know who you are!!! If you are running that far behind, you need to leave a tad earlier so you won't have to make others fear for their safety as you pass them like a streak of lightening. It was still dark outside and the roads were slick from the light rain we had during the night...not a good time to play Nascar driver; save that for the racetrack.

For your safety and ours.....slow down and be more considerate of other drivers trying to do the same thing you are trying to do.... arrive in one piece at your job. Safety is of utmost importance to us all...at home, on the road and at work no matter what the time of day or night...think about it.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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In 1960, I woke up one morning with six hungry babies and just 75 cents in my pocket. Their father was gone. The boys ranged from 3 months to 7 years; their sister was 2. Their Dad had never been much more than a presence they feared.

Whenever they heard his tires crunch on the gravel driveway they would scramble to hide under their beds.

He did manage to leave $15 a week to buy groceries.

Now that he had decided to leave, there would be no more beat-ings, but no food either.

If there was a welfare system in effect in southern Indiana at that time, I certainly knew nothing about it. I scrubbed the kids until they looked brand new and then put on my best homemade dress, loaded them into the rusty old '51 Chevy and drove off to find a job.

The seven of us went to every factory, store and restaurant in our small town. No luck.

The kids stayed crammed into the car and tried to be quiet while I tried to convince whomever would listen that I was willing to learn or do anything. I had to have a job.

Still no luck. The last place we went to, just a few miles out of town, was an old Root Beer Barrel drive-in that had been converted to a truck stop. It was called the Big Wheel.

An old lady named Granny owned the place and she peeked out of the window from time to time at all those kids. She needed someone on the graveyard shift, 11 at night until 7 in the morning. She paid 65 cents an hour, and I could start that night.

I raced home and called the teenager down the street that baby-sat for people. I bargained with her to come and sleep on my sofa for a dollar a night. She could arrive with her pajamas on and the kids would already be asleep. This seemed like a good
arrangement to her, so we made a deal.

That night when the little ones and I knelt to say our prayers, we all thanked God for finding Mommy a job. And so I started at the Big Wheel.

When I got home in the mornings I woke the baby-sitter up and sent her home with one dollar of my tip money -- fully half of what I averaged every night. As the weeks went by, heating bills added a strain to my meager wage.

The tires on the old Chevy had the consistency of penny balloons and began to leak. I had to fill them with air on the way to work and again every morning before I could go home.

One bleak fall morning, I dragged myself to the car to go home and found four tires in the back seat. New tires! There was no note, no nothing, just those beautiful brand new tires. Had angels taken up residence in Indiana , I wondered?

I made a deal with the local service station. In exchange for his mounting the new tires, I would clean up his office. I remember it took me a lot longer to scrub his floor than it did for him to do the tires.

I was now working six nights instead of five and it still wasn't enough. Christmas was coming and I knew there would be no money for toys for the kids.

I found a can of red paint and started repairing and painting some old toys. Then hid them in the basement so there would be something for Santa to deliver on Christmas morning. Clothes were a worry, too. I was sewing patches on top of patches on the boys pants and soon they would be too far gone to repair.

On Christmas Eve the usual customers were drinking coffee i n the Big Wheel. These were the truckers, Les, Frank and Jim, and a state trooper named Joe.

A few musicians were hanging around after a gig at the Legion and were dropping nickels in the pinball machine. The regulars all just sat around and talked through the wee hours of the morning and then left to get home before the sun came up.

When it was time for me to go home at 7 on Christmas morning, to my amazement, my old battered Chevy was filled full to the top with boxes of all shapes and sizes. I quickly opened the driver's
side door, crawled inside and kneeled in the front facing the back seat.

Reaching back, I pulled off the lid of the top box. Inside was a whole case of little blue jeans, sizes 2-10! I looked inside another box: It was full of shirts to go with the jeans. Then I peeked inside some of the other boxes. There was candy and nuts and bananas and bags of groceries.

There was an enormous ham for baking, and canned vegetables and potatoes. There was pudding and Jell-O and cookies, pie filling and flour. There was a whole bag of laundry supplies and cleaning items.

And there were five toy trucks and one beautiful little doll.

As I drove back through em pty streets as the sun slowly rose on the most amazing Christmas Day of my life, I was sobbing with gratitude. And I will never forget the joy on the faces of my little ones that precious morning.

Yes, there were angels in Indiana that long-ago December. And they all hung out at the Big Wheel truck stop ..

THE POWER OF PRAYER. I believe that God only gives three answers to prayer:

1. "Yes!"
2. "Not yet."
3. "I have something better in mind."

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 12, Number 24 --- 11 Jan 2007
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TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: Fix Your Own Computer / Myspace Privacy

In today's TOURBUS, you'll find answers to 14 common computer problems that may be affecting you. Instead of an expensive trip to the repair shop, learn how to fix it yourself! We'll also take a look at the shocking security holes in Myspace affecting those with "private" profiles. Read on for answers!

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Fix Your Own Computer!
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A lot of the questions I get are from people with messed-up computers, wondering if they should head for the repair shop. In most cases, I recommend that people try to fix the problem on their own, and give them detailed instructions for doing so. I've put together a list of some of the most common "computer self help" questions from the past year, just in case you need a little help, and want to save a bunch of money. :-)

* SLOW COMPUTER? - I have a theory that sludge builds up inside a computer over time, much like an automobile engine. After a while, it doesn't start up like when it was new, it stalls unexpectedly, and performance is sluggish. Here's my special recipe to clean that icky goo out of your computer's pipes, so Windows will start quicker, run more reliably, and go faster on the information superhighway...

http://askbobrankin.com/make_windows_xp_run_faster.html

* WHICH ANTI-VIRUS OR ANTI-SPYWARE? - I hear from some readers who run 2 or 3 anti-virus programs, and half a dozen anti-spyware tools. Personally, I think that's overkill. Feuding "anti's" can cause system lockups, and slow down your computer. Here's my personal arsenal of free software to fight viruses, spyware and popups...

http://askbobrankin.com/antivirus_antispyware.html

* SYSTEM RESTORE - Wouldn't it be nice if you could go back to a point in time when your computer was working? Think of System Restore as the Undo command for Windows. Learn how to turn back the clock on your blunder or computer emergency...

http://askbobrankin.com/system_restore.html

* RECOVERY CONSOLE - Sometimes viruses, spyware or random cosmic rays will attack your computer,leaving you unable to even start Windows. In many cases, the Windows XP Recovery Console can help you fix the problem.

http://askbobrankin.com/recovery_console.html

* REMOTE ASSISTANCE - This free tool built into Windows lets your geeky friends interact with your computer just like they were sitting in front of it, even if they're half a world away. You see everything they're doing, so you can learn how to fix the problem yourself next time.

http://askbobrankin.com/remote_assistance.html

* SHARING A PRINTER - If you have two PC's but only one printer, you can share the printer so both can print to it. And you don't have to be a computer guru to make it happen. Here's how...

http://askbobrankin.com/sharing_a_printer.html

* LOW VIRTUAL MEMORY - If you get a message saying 'Your system is low on virtual memory' you probably need to install more RAM. But there are some other things you should check first...

http://askbobrankin.com/low_virtual_memory.html

* FIX MASTER BOOT RECORD - "I was trying to fix a spyware problem and it seems I messed up my computer. Now when I start Windows XP I get the 'MBR Corrupt' and 'Error loading operating system' messages." Here's how to fix a computer that won't boot up...

http://askbobrankin.com/fix_mbr.html

* DO YOU NEED A REGISTRY CLEANER? - If your computer keeps getting slower and slower, you might need to clean your registry. Here's the scoop on the Windows Registry and how to keep it tidy:

http://askbobrankin.com/do_i_need_a_registry_cleaner.html

* DO YOU NEED A FIREWALL? - Perhaps you've heard conflicting reports on whether or not you should be using a firewall. Some people say you MUST have a firewall if you have a highspeed DSL or cable connection. Here's the scoop on WHO needs a firewall, WHAT they do, and WHY you might be wasting your money on firewall software.

http://askbobrankin.com/do_i_need_a_firewall.html

* WIRELESS SECURITY - Since wireless networks are easy to set up, some people don't realize they are offering free Internet to anyone driving by with a laptop. Most people wouldn't want to allow their home network to be shared by strangers or used for illegal activity. Here's how to keep it from happening...

http://askbobrankin.com/wireless_security.html

* COMPUTER RESTARTS ITSELF - Does your Windows XP computer often restart itself for no apparent reason? It could be overheating, bad RAM, a software glitch, or spyware. Here's how to identify and solve the automatic restart problem...

http://askbobrankin.com/computer_restarts_itself.html

* INSTALLING A NEW HARD DRIVE - If you're running low on hard drive space, a new drive at today's low storage prices is a good idea. But should you a SATA, IDE, external or portable drive? And how big is big enough? Here are some tips on selecting & installing a drive, and help copying the files from your old drive.

http://askbobrankin.com/add_a_second_hard_drive.html

* CDROM OR DVD ICONS ARE GONE - If your CDROM and/or DVD icons are suddenly misssing, it's possible that evil gnomes have snuck into your computer and stolen the drive. But more likely, it's a software problem that's pretty easy to fix...

http://askbobrankin.com/cdrom_icon_missing.html

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Is There Any Privacy at Myspace?
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Myspace offers members the option to designate a profile as public or private. When you choose to have a private profile, only those people that you have selected as Myspace "friends" can view your profile, friends list, comments, etc. That's the theory anyway... but in actual practice, a surprising number of "hacks" have been discovered that allow ANYONE to view information on Myspace profiles that are supposed to be private.

My advice is to treat your Myspace page as a public forum and don't count on Myspace to keep ANYTHING private. For more information on exactly what may be exposed, and the details of how surprisingly easy it is to "hack" into private Myspace profiles, read on...

http://www.askbobrankin.com/view_private_profile.html

That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin

==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
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.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Activities and Events of Interest
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The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Staff Sgt. Charles D. Allen, 28, of Wasilla, Alaska, died Jan. 4 in Baghdad, Iraq, of injuries suffered when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire during combat operations. He was assigned to the 296th Brigade Support Battalion, 3rd Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Lewis, Wash.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three airmen who were killed Jan. 7 by a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device while performing duties in the Baghdad area supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. The airmen were assigned to the 775th Civil Engineer Squadron, Hill Air Force Base, Utah. Killed were:
02. Tech. Sgt. Timothy R. Weiner, 35, of Tamarac, Fla.
03. Senior Airman Elizabeth A. Loncki, 23, of New Castle, Del.
04. Senior Airman Daniel B. Miller Jr., 24, Galesburg, Ill.

05. Cpl. Jeremiah J. Johnson, 23, of Vancouver, Wash., died Jan. 6 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his vehicle rolled over Dec. 26 in Baghdad. Johnson was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 509th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team (Airborne), 25th Infantry Division, Fort Richardson, Alaska.

06. Sgt. Aron C. Blum, 22, of Tucson, Ariz., died Dec. 28 at Naval Medical Center, San Diego, Calif., of a non-hostile cause after being evacuated from Al Anbar province, Iraq, on Dec. 8. Blum was assigned to Marine Aerial Refueler Transport Squadron 352, Marine Aircraft Group 11, 3rd Marine Aircraft Wing, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Air Station Miramar, Calif.

07. Sgt. James M. Wosika Jr., 24, of St. Paul, Minn., died Jan. 9 in Fallujah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his unit while on combat patrol. Wosika was assigned to the 2nd Combined Arms Battalion, 136th Infantry, Crookston, Minn.

08. Spc. Eric T. Caldwell, 22, of Salisbury, Md., died Jan 7 in Iraq of wounds sustained when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

09. Spc. Raymond N. Mitchell, III, 21, of West Memphis, Ark., died Jan 6 in Baghdad, Iraq of wounds sustained during route security operations. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 14th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y.

10. Pfc. Ming Sun, 20, of Cathedral City, Calif., died Jan. 9 in Ar Ramadi, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire during combat patrol operations. Sun was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 9th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.

11. Pfc. Ryan R. Berg, 19, of Sabine Pass, Texas, died Jan. 9 in Baqubah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire. Berg was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 12th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

12. Maj. Michael L. Mundell, 47, of Brandenburg, Ky., died Jan. 5 in Fallujah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle during combat operations. Mundell was assigned to the 1st Brigade, 108th Division (Institutional Training), Spartanburg, S.C.

13. Cpl. Stephen J. Raderstorf, 21, of Peoria, Ariz., died Jan. 7 in Balad, Iraq, of wounds sustained during combat operations. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

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Missing World War II Airmen are Identified

The Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that nine airmen missing in action from World War II have been identified and are being returned to their families for burial with full military honors.

The nine are 2nd Lt. Hugh L. Johnson Jr., Montgomery, Ala.; 2nd Lt. Byron L. Stenen, Northridge, Calif.; 2nd Lt. John F. Green, Watertown, N.Y.; 2nd Lt. John M. Meisner, Pembroke, Mass.; Staff Sgt. Walter Knudsen, Sioux City, Iowa; Cpl. John A. DeCarlo, Newark, N.J.; Cpl. Robert E. Raney, Monon, Ind.; Cpl. William G. Mohr, Mt. Wolf, Pa.; and Cpl. Michael J. Pushkar, Mahanoy City, Pa. All were assigned to the U.S. Army Air Forces.

The individually identified remains of Stenen, Green, Meisner, Mohr and Pushkar, as well as the group remains representing all nine crewmen, are being buried today at Arlington National Cemetery near Washington, D.C. Johnson, Knudsen and Raney will be buried elsewhere.

On the morning of Oct. 9, 1944, the crew took off on a training mission from Nadzab, New Guinea, in their B-24D Liberator. The aircraft was not seen again, and it was speculated that it had encountered bad weather.

In early 2002, the deputy chief of mission at the U.S. Embassy in Port Moresby reported the discovery of two dog tags by villagers from a World War II crash site in Morobe Province. Specialists from the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) traveled to Papua, New Guinea, in November 2002 to investigate several World War II aircraft losses. The team interviewed the two villagers who gave them the dog tags, then surveyed the site where aircraft wreckage and human remains were found.

A joint team of JPAC and Papua, New Guinea specialists mounted a full-scale excavation at the site January through February 2003, when they recovered additional human remains and crew-related artifacts from the wreckage field. JPAC scientists and Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory specialists used mitochondrial DNA as one of the forensic tools to help identify the remains. Laboratory analysis of dental remains also confirmed their identification.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO Web site at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo/ or call (703) 699-1169 .

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Eph 4:22-24 Ezek 11:19-21 Acts 19:18-20 Num 28:11-13 Psa 7:17 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

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