Bugs Bleat 1Q 07: January 2007

Volume 9, Issue 03 Friday, January 19, 2007

Hello All,

We enjoyed the latest Food Network show on World Championship Steak Cook-Off. Our friends from Beech Creek won the 2006 Cook-Off. The 19th Annual Magnolia Blossom Festival & World Championship Steak Cook-Off will be held May 18 - May 19, 2007.
~~~~~
Remaining air times for the Food Network Challenge production, World Championship Steak Cookoff - 2006". Saturday, January 20, 5 pm, Sunday, January 21, 2 pm.
~~~~~
Our new Dell Dimension E520 is working like a charm. It’s a lot easier to get “Da Bleat” out when web pages come up and it doesn’t take 15 minutes to launch a program.
~~~~~
Secretary of the Navy Donald C. Winter announced today the selection of USS Gerald R. Ford as the name of the first aircraft carrier in what will be the Gerald R. Ford class of carriers.

This selection honors the 38th President of the United States and pays tribute to his lifetime of service in the Navy, in the U.S. government and to the nation.

“President Gerald R. Ford provided the United States great leadership at a time of constitutional crisis,” said Winter. "I am honored to have the opportunity to name the first ship in the new class of aircraft carriers after this great sailor, this great leader, this great man.”

Born in Omaha, Neb., in 1913, he grew up in Grand Rapids, Mich. He starred on the University of Michigan football team where he was a center and team most valuable player in 1934. After graduation he attended Yale Law School, where he served as assistant football coach while earning his law degree.

During World War II he attained the rank of lieutenant commander in the Navy, and served on the light carrier, the USS Monterey. After the war he returned to Grand Rapids, where he began the practice of law, and entered political life.
~~~~~
It is a good practice to remove or black out the UPS label on a package you plan to reuse. Today one of my employee's needed to send a lens back to the manufacture for a warranty repair. He used an old box that his employer had received some items in, to ship his lens back. He took the box to the UPS store to ship to the manufacturer for repair. On the 2nd day a box came into his employer and he signed for it. Later that day his boss saw the package and opened it in surprise he found a lens he ask the employee's about it and the guy said that is a lens I sent out the other day .Looking at the package there where 3 labels the original from the Distributor from China the 2nd label from the distributor to the employer and from my employee to the Lens Manufacture. They all had tracking number so we tracked them the "to Manufacture label" went from Magnolia to El Dorado then to Little Rock then no more scans. The "Distributor Label" went from St Louis to Little Rock to El dorado to Magnolia then delivered. The "China Label" said nothing. What had happened is the UPS Store didn't cover or black out the old labels and UPS pick up the package from Magnolia scanned the "Manufacture label " then took it to El Dorado Scanned it sent it to Little Rock someone there flipped the box over Scanned the "Distributor Label" sent it back to Magnolia. The UPS store said you shouldn't use used boxes.
I told the employee that he is lucky it didn't go to China.

Keith Burton
~~~~~
Calhoun Volunteer Fire Dept. Chili Supper
Union Street Station
January 27, 2007
4:00PM - 7:00PM
$5.00 - Dine in or carry out
See Pat Hammock 6468, Barry Brownlee 6468 or Jeff Morgan 6283 for tickets
A limited number of tickets will be available at the door
~~~~~
Oaklawn Park racing season opens today.
~~~~~
The 14-year-old daughter of Ken Magee (PDC), who has been extremely sick over the last month, passed away Wednesday. You can read the details of her condition at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/shelbymagee (password: HOSPITAL -- typed in all capital letters).
Ken and his wife, Jennifer, would like to "thank everyone from Albemarle who has been so supportive during this most painful time for [their] family." There was a Catholic Mass held for Shelby Thursday evening (January 16th) at St. Alphonsus at 13940 Greenwell Springs Road. Also, a fund for Shelby has been set up at Chase Bank by family and friends to assist Ken and Jenn with the expenses associated with Shelby's care, account number 734207079, under the name Shelby Magee. Most of all, though, they appreciate Shelby being kept in our thoughts.
Thanks very much on behalf of the Magee Family.
~~~~~
Debt Free Living Seminar by David Ramsey of Financial Peach University. daveramsey.com/fpu
Free Preview - - Saturday, January 27 @ 11 am, Farmers Bank and Trust.
Class Begins - - Sunday, February 4 @ 6 pm, Central Baptist Church
Call 234-2430 for more information.
~~~~~
The Albemarle sponsored gas station at South Plant is open for service. All Albemarle or Resident Contract employees who have an I.D.Card will have access to purchase gasoline. Instructions for operation of the pump and credit card reader are posted on the pump island. Your Albemarle I.D. Card and Personal Credit Card will be required to operate the pump. Debit Cards will not be accepted.
Please observe all signs posted at the pump for your own safety. This facility is a benefit for all employees therefore let’s take care of the installation to insure we have this option for years to come.
~~~~~
I asked Joe Tudor, who works for Shell, about the use of regular gas in our vehicles. Here’s his response: “Octane is a sales gimmick. If your vehicle doesn't knock and ping when you uses lower octane, you don't need higher octane. That is octane's only purpose (unless, I suppose, you are a high performance driver - who keeps detailed records and statistics, and knows exactly how many more horsepower you get from a tad more octane). Really - despite what the automakers say, if your engine isn't knocking, don't waste the money.

AND - don't waste your money buying "Top Tier" gas (Shell, Exxon, BP) on a regular basis. Gasoline is gasoline (what you buy at any Exxon station could easily come from a Shell refinery and vice versa). The only difference is detergent that keeps the carbon deposits down. If you buy a tank of top tier gasoline once in a while, it'll help keep it clean (or just get Jackie Bridges to clean your valves regularly).”
~~~~~
Speaking of Bridges, Annette had a "squeak" in her Yukon and took it out to Jackie Bridges Car Repair [for those unfamiliar with Bridge’s, Jackie’s shop is located on Columbia 27, in the woods south of Lake Columbia]. Ricky Bridges found a piece of debris on her left rear caliper. While she was there she asked him about the problem she was having with various warning lights blinking on and off. She'd had this since GM did some kind of recall work a year or so ago. She'd asked the GMC place to look at it but they were no help.

I told her not to bother Ricky. It was some computer glitch that he couldn't fix anyway. But being the wife she is, she asked Ricky to look at it. It took him less than three minutes to find a loose ground wire and tighten it.

No more blinking warning lights on the dash.

Total cost of the visit? <$10.

It's great to live in a small town.
~~~~~
Memorials for Don Munn
For any of you that may have read Don's obituary in the newspaper and wish to send a memorial to Victory Baptist church, the address to send donations is

Victory Baptist Church
c/o Ray Lindsey
1812 Dogwood
Magnolia, AR 7l753
~~~~~
The photos on the front of this weeks “Bleat” include Dusty playing “Upward” Basketball.
~~~~~
Dr. Pat Antoon’s New Address
Patrick Antoon
#06669-010
Federal Satellite Low-La Tuna
Anthony, NM/TX 88021
Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular
Current Avg. $ 2.10
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
Albemarle Employee’s pump $1.99
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - We’re sharing recipes from Shannon Voigt’s Taylor Recipe Book
Hot Tamale Dip - - Shannon Voigt

Ingredients:
1 large (2-lb) box Velveeta cheese
1-2 can(s) Ro-Tel, un-drained
(Depends on how "liquidy" you prefer it)
1 large can Hormel Beef Tamales
1 bunch green onions, finely chopped
1 small can chopped black olives
Chili seasoning mix, to taste
Cumin, to taste

Method:
Melt the Velveeta & Ro-Tel in a bowl in the microwave. Remove the husks from the tamales and mash the tamales, with juice, in a bowl. Add tamales to the cheese & continue to cook. Chop the green onions and black olives and stir into cheese. Add the chili seasoning & cumin. Continue to cook until hot & bubbly.
Notes: Can keep warm in crock-pot.
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

Asking the Right Question
1/19/2007
The War in Iraq

The debate over the war in Iraq intensifies in Washington and across the nation day by day. Just last week, I was asked by the Washington Post and Newsweek magazine to respond to a question about the war on their “On Faith” website. The question was: Is the Iraq war just?

It’s a question a lot of people continue to argue about. And it was a great question to ask in 2002. Now, in 2007, it’s not the right question.

At the time when American troops were first committed to Iraq, the issue was whether the war met the Augustinian “Just War” tradition with its various criteria: like just cause, proper authority, right intention, etc. I believed that just war standards were met by the threat presented.

There were precedents, as well, for a preemptive attack; as Sir Thomas More put it, “if any foreign prince takes up arms and prepares to invade their land, they immediately attack him in full force outside their own borders.” But it was a close call at the time, and particularly so now, in light of the failures of U.S. intelligence.

But however the war started, the just war criteria are not in question now. In fact, in all the debate about pulling out our troops, no one is really asking the right question. For better or for worse, the United States made promises and commitments to the Iraqi people. So the question now is this: Is it morally acceptable for U.S. forces to leave Iraq in the midst of the bloodshed?

I know what I’m about to say is not going to be a popular thing. But to pick up and leave would break the promises we have made to the Iraqi people, would leave hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians defenseless, would lead to massive chaos and bloodshed, and would be an act of moral dishonor. It would be akin to what the Allies did after World War II, when they abandoned Eastern Europe to the Soviets and returned millions of Russian refugees and POWs to lands occupied by the Red Army—even though the Allies knew that, for many, it meant death and, for the rest, tyranny. That was one of the most shameful chapters in the history of the West—an abandonment of our most fundamental moral principles.

American policymakers must also consider the serious consequences for American security and for the security of our closest ally in the region, Israel. A total withdrawal now would only embolden al-Qaeda (which is active in Iraq and Afghanistan), and it would embolden Iran, whose president, a Holocaust-denier, has declared publicly and often that Israel must be wiped off the map. I believe that abandoning Iraq now could leave Israel’s very existence in question.

As we weigh our moral responsibilities, we need to remember that Thomas Aquinas put the just war doctrine—the idea of government wielding the sword—under the heading of “Love” in his great Summa Theologiae. He did that because being willing to defend innocent civilians is an act of Christian charity.

The job of government biblically is to wield the sword to preserve order and protect life. A policeman in the middle of a gun battle that starts during a robbery cannot just walk away when the shooting gets too heavy. It is his duty as a magistrate to stay and restore peace. Isn’t that the same position we are in now in Iraq?

The politicians tell us we should bring our troops home, and everything will be just fine. Sadly, in a fallen world, it doesn’t work that way. The innocent will die.

Subscribe today or get a friend or family member a gift subscription to BreakPoint WorldView magazine! Call 1-877-322-5527.

For Further Reading and Information

Charles Colson, “U.S. Withdrawal Morally Unacceptable until Iraq Stable,” On Faith, 12 January 2007.

Roberto Rivera, “Here to Stay,” The Point, 18 January 2007.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 061204, “Later Rather than Sooner: Withdrawing from Iraq.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 020306, “Loving Your Neighbor: Just War and Charity.”

See BreakPoint’s Fact Sheet on Just War Theory.

See St. Thomas Aquinas’s Summa Theologiae.

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
~~~~~
Words of the Week:

tractable: docile; manageable, governable.
bromide: a commonplace or conventional saying.
eddy: a current running contrary to a main current or in a circular direction.
imprecation: a curse.
foofaraw: excessive or flashy ornamentation; also, a fuss over a trivial matter.
cudgel: a short heavy stick.
yeasty: frothy; foamy; spumy, like yeast.
from Dictionary.Com

~~~~~
"The true danger is when liberty is nibbled away, for expedience, and by parts." - Edmund Burke

"The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated." - William James

"We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate." - Thomas Jefferson

"To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe." - Marilyn vos Savant

"Wisdom we know is the knowledge of good and evil not the strength to choose between the two." - John Cheever

"Everything should be first-rate in a person, his face, clothes, soul and thoughts." - Anton Pavlovich Chekhov

"Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem." - W. Somerset Maugham
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

# President Bush Proclaims Religious Freedom Day
# Italian Author Researches "Phenomenon" of Islamic Conversions to Christianity
# Update on the NY Subway Hero—although His Fame is Growing, His Family Keeps Him Grounded
# Israeli Families Use Breakthrough "Salt-Room" Therapy for Severe Asthma Conditions

# Presidential Hopeful Spends the Night in Jail to Promote Faith-Based Prison Programs
# British Prime Minister Tony Blair Says British Airways' Anti-Cross Policy for Check-In Staff Uniforms is a Waste of Energy
# First Lady of Uganda Tells Youth that Abstinence Alone Can Fully Protect Them against HIV/AIDS
# Egyptian Doctor Gives Up Practice to Become Pastor — Shares Thrilling Stories of Salvation

# Proposed California Bill would Outlaw Spanking
# American politicians and the White House flooded with calls for "Operation Assyrian Province"
# Christian College and Seminary in Iraq Reopens Its Doors
# Chastity: A Growing Trend in America

# Australian Prime Minister, at Request of Persecuted Pastors, to Address Catch the Fire Gathering
# Open Doors Ministries is Unleashing a SHOCKWAVE of Prayer through the Youth
# Urban Evangelist Says the Best Way to Revive Churches is to "Lose Yourself"
# Husband and Wife, Ballroom Dancing Champions, Dance for God

# Americans Help Homeschoolers in France Avert Legislation Banning Homeschooling
# Prayer & Action Alert: If Passed, New State Legislature Would Abandon Teaching about Memorial Day and Veterans Day in New Jersey Public Schools
# Archaeologists Summon Christian Researchers to Discovery in Mount Olive Cemetery That May be Site of Disciple's Burial
# Canadian Doctors Hopeful on Possible Breakthrough Research in Cancer Treatment

# Temple Aqueduct and Ritual Bath Excavated Opposite Temple Mount
# Christians Called-on to Remember Persecuted Believers on Religious Freedom Day
# Staggering Numbers of Muslims Coming to Christ — Some Due to Dreams and Visions of Jesus
# Embryo Rescued during Katrina is Born a Healthy Baby Boy Named Noah

# Recollection of a Leader Whose Message Changed a Nation
# Navy Chaplain Who Won Court Battle and Lost Job for Praying "In Jesus' Name" Would Do It All Again
# Bible Passed Down in One Family through Five Wars
# Pro-life Youth to Infiltrate American Campuses with Truth

# Triplets in the Womb Caught on Video
# Nancy Pelosi's Daughter Not Afraid to Agree With Mainstream Christians in Culture War
# Women In Christian Media Honors Vonette Bright With Their 3rd Annual 'Excellence In Communication' Award
# Lion Lavishes Affection on Woman Who Saved It

# World's Largest Student Missions Conference Kicks-Off Drawing Record Numbers
# "Taylor's Closet" Brings Hope for Teen Foster Kids
# A Story of Christ's Love-in-Action in Liecester, on Christmas Day
# Certainty is a Virtue, Not a Vice

# Remembering Former President Gerald Ford
# The Dutch are Moving Back to God
# Stranger at San Francisco Airport Helps Stranded Soldiers Get Home for Christmas
# Christ, Christmas, and Capitalism

Breaking Christian News
310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
541-928-2642
E-mail
US Orders: 1-866-358-7426

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: In the Fitting Room

Emailed to me another humor list (Tickled by Tony) -Tom
Subscribe to the Tickled by Tony list by sending an email to:
tickledbytony-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus before it was sent.
-----------------------------------------------------------

My girlfriend took her five-year-old daughter shopping with her. The little girl watched her mother try on outfit after outfit, exclaiming every time, "Mommy, you look beautiful."

A woman in the next fitting room called out, "May I borrow your daughter for a moment?"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Doctors - What They Say / What They Mean

Emailed to me another humor list (Tickled by Tony) -Tom
Subscribe to the Tickled by Tony list by sending an email to:
tickledbytony-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
-----------------------------------------------------------

"This should be taken care of right away."
- I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Well, what do we have here...?"
- He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Let me check your medical history."
- I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
- I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this is a waste of time.
- or-
- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

"We have some good news and some bad news."
- The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"Let's see how it develops."
- Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

"Let me schedule you for some tests."
- I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
- He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
- I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
- I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
- I think I'm going to throw up.

"This may smart a little."
- Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
- I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?

"This should fix you up."
- The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

"Everything seems to be normal."
- Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
- I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

"There is a lot of that going around."
- That's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.

"If the symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
- I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Glad I'm off next week.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Car Recognition

Emailed to me from another humor list (You Make Me Laugh) -Tom
To subscribe to You Make Me Laugh, send a blank email to:
SUBSCRIBE-laugh@lists.crosswalk.com
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn't gotten the license number. "What kind of car was he driving?" the husband asked.

"I don't know," she said. "I never can tell one car from another."

At that, the man decided the time had come for a learning course, and for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.

It worked.

About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on her face. "Darling," she said. "I hit a Buick!"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Timberrr!!!!!

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom
Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website:
Subscribe
-----------------------------------------------------------

While working as a radiology technician in a hospital emergency room, I took X-rays of a trauma patient. I brought the films to our radiologist, who studied the multiple fractures of the femurs and pelvis.

"What happened to this patient?" he asked in astonishment.

"He fell out of a tree," I reported.

The radiologist wanted to know what the patient was doing up a tree.

"I'm not sure, but his paperwork states he works for Bob's Expert Tree Service."

Gazing intently at the X-rays, the radiologist blinked and said, "Cross out 'expert.'"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Golf Survey

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom
Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website:
href="http://cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh/">Subscribe

-----------------------------------------------------------

My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes.

Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on.

When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear-cut swath leading out of the woods.

"There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to lose his ball!"
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If there were no golf balls, \ /
\ _/ how would we measure hail? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Clones are people two. \ /
\ _/ \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ /The office computer had a virus. \ /
\ _/ So I hired my mother to type in \_ /
/ / her recipe for chicken soup. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / If the walls have ears, \ \_/ ////
\ / why aren't they clearly marked? \ /
\ _/ The last thing I want to do is \_ /
/ / puncture an eardrum when I'm \ \
hanging up a picture.
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / "Suppose you were an idiot. \ \_/ ////
\ / And suppose you were a member \ /
\ _/ of Congress. But I repeat myself."\_ /
/ / -- Mark Twain \ \
_ ____________________________ _
| Thomas S. Ellsworth |
| tellswor@slonet.org |
| http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor |
|___________________________|
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
[GCFL.net] Office Vocabulary

Latest terms to add to your vocabulary at the office:

Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, messes up everything, and then leaves.

Blowing Your Buffer - Losing your train of thought.

Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM (Career-Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity, e.g., trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Costco or Kmart because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia, Tandyagonia, or Circuit Cityatosis.

Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the Adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-a-cubicle comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him -- he's 404, man."

Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, or housing development subdivisions. Used as in "We were so lost in Generica that I forgot what city we were in."

GOOD ("Get-Out-Of-Debt") Job - A well-paying job people will take to pay off their debts, which they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.

Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the daylights out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and all the co-workers' heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.

Umfriend - A relationship of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dale, my...um...friend."

Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."

Received from FranCMT2.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from a Cow

All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from a Cow

1. Wake up in a happy mooo-d.

2. Don't cry over spilled milk.

3. When chewing your cud, remember: There's no fat, no calories, no cholesterol, and no taste!

4. The grass is green on the other side of the fence.

5. Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on.

6. Seize every opportunity and milk it for all its worth!

7. It's better to be seen and not herd.

8. Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder relatives.

9. Never take any bull from anybody.

10. Always let them know who's the bossy.

11. Stepping on cowpies brings good luck.

12. Black and white is always an appropriate fashion statement.

13. Don't forget to cow-nt your blessings every day.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Side Effects of a Life in Comedy

Side Effects of a Life in Comedy

* Recurring nightmare: as your "Harpo Meets Teller" routine is bombing, you realize you're doing a radio show.

* Your social status is one small notch above mimes and rodeo clowns.

* People are always asking, "Ooh, do you know Adam Sandler?"

* Wisenheimer's Syndrome.

* You laugh on the outside, but inside you harbor a bitter resentment toward people who have enough money for food.

* Instead of crow's feet, you get punchlines.

* You have to start the day with a couple of quick knock-knock jokes to get rid of "the shakes."

* The grandkids keep breaking your dentures trying to wind them up.

* Mom was right: your face *does* freeze that way, after a couple of decades.

* You live in constant fear that your friends will discover your inflatable Ernie Kovacs doll.

* Everything tastes funny.

Received from HAND.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] A Horse Funny

Charlie was a regular visitor at the racetrack. One afternoon he noticed an unusual sight. Right before the first race, a Catholic priest visited one of the horses in the stable area and gave it a blessing. Charlie watched the horse race very carefully, and sure enough the blessed horse came in first!

Charlie followed the priest before the next race, and again he went to the stables and performed a similar procedure. Charlie played a hunch and put a couple of dollars on the blessed horse. Sure enough, the blessed horse came in by two lengths, and Charlie won close to fifty bucks!

The priest continued the same procedure through the next few races, and Charlie won each time. He was now ahead $1,000, so between races Charlie left the track and went to the bank and withdrew his life's savings, $20,000.

The biggest race of the day was the last one. Charlie followed the priest and watched carefully which horse he blessed. He then went to the betting window and put his whole $21,000 bundle of cash on that horse to win.

Then Charlie went out to watch the horses race. Down the stretch they came, and as they crossed the finish line, the horse Charlie's fortune was bet on was dead last!

Charlie was crushed. He located the priest and told him that he had been watching him bless the horses all day, and they all became winners except the last horse on which he had bet his life savings. Charlie then asked, "What happened to the last horse that you blessed? Why didn't it win like the others?"

"That's the trouble with you Protestants," sighed the priest. "You can never tell the difference between a blessing and the last rites."

Received from Mikey's Funnies.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
These have to be original and genuine. . No adult is this creative!!

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties.
Mine say five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window,"

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "it makes my teeth cough."

D.I. (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.. this particular Sunday sermon... "Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face.
"Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening)! leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer, hmmm, I can't seem to find your name, you must be in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is admitted.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and, as is the wont for engineers, starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks, "So how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and working escalators, and there's no telling what an engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?"

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
A guy arrives at home, feeling romantic.

He finds his wife sound asleep in bed with her mouth wide open, so he gets two aspirin and drops them in her mouth.

She wakes up choking, but recovers and asks - "What did you put in my mouth?"

He says, "Two aspirin."

She replies, "BUT I DON'T HAVE A HEADACHE!"

He says, - "That's all I wanted to hear".

Thanks to Janis Walker
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
If you were making a dessert and you had your choice of those below (or some great bakery was baking the dessert of your choice), which would you choose?

No cheating. Pick your dessert, then look to see what psychiatrists think about you!

Angel food

Brownies

Lemon Meringue

Vanilla with Chocolate Icing

Strawberry Short Cake

Chocolate on Chocolate

Ice Cream

Carrot Cake

NO ... You can't change your mind once you scroll down! So think carefully, what your choice will be!

---------------------------------------------------

OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you!

Angel food ... Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.

Brownies... You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

Lemon Meringue... Smooth,! sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.

Vanilla with Chocolate Icing ... Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.

Strawberry Short Cake ... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly emotional and annoying at times.

Chocolate on Chocolate ... Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

Ice Cream... You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

Carrot Cake... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.

Thanks to Janet Morrison
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Thought you guys might groan over this one.

Here's A TOAST "TO ALL THE GIRLS WE'VE LOVED BEFORE" ...

... How's This For Depressing?

Brigette Bardot 72

Stella Stevens 69

Sophia Loren 72

Gina Lollobrigida 79

Deborah Kerr 95 (WOW!)

Lena Horne 89

Kay Starr 84

Patti Page 79

Annette Funicello 64 (baby of the bunch!)

Barbara Eden 72

Angie Dickenson 75

Doris Day 82

Joan Collins 73

Julie Christie 65

Leslie Caron 75

Carroll Baker 75

Ann-Margret 65

Debra Padget 73

Julie Andrews 71

Ursula Andress 70

Rita Moreno 75

Jean Simmons 77

Julie Newmar 73

Kim Novak 73

Jane Powell 77

Debbie Reynolds 74

Shirley Temple 78 (NO!)

Jane Russell 85

Kathryn Grayson 84

Esther Williams 83

Elke Sommer 66

Gale Storm 84

Jill St John 66

Liz Taylor 74 (wow!)

Mamie Van Doren 75

UNBELIVEABLE.... HOW IN THE WORLD DID THEY GET OLD, AND WE DIDN'T?

Thanks to Daphne Roberts
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
I came across this phrase yesterday "FENDER SKIRTS".

A term I haven't heard in a long time and thinking about "fender skirts" started me thinking about other words that quietly disappear from our language with hardly a notice like "curb feelers"

And "steering knobs." (AKA) suicide knob

Since I'd been thinking of cars, my mind naturally went that direction first.

Any kids will probably have to find some elderly person over 50 to explain some of these terms to you.

Remember "Continental kits?"
They were rear bumper extenders and spare tire covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln Continental.

When did we quit calling them "emergency brakes?"
At some point "parking brake" became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama that went with "emergency brake."

I'm sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone who would call the accelerator the "foot feed."

Didn't you ever wait at the street for your daddy to come home, so you could ride the "running board" up to the house?

Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore - "store-bought." Of course, just about everything is store-bought these days. But once it was bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a store-bought bag of candy.

"Coast to coast" is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement and now means almost nothing. Now we take the term "world wide" for granted This floors me.

On a smaller scale, "wall-to-wall" was once a magical term in our homes. In the '50s, everyone covered his or her hardwood floors with, wow, wall-to-wall carpeting! Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall carpeting with hardwood floors. Go figure.

When's the last time you heard the quaint phrase "in a family way?" It's hard to imagine that the word "pregnant" was once considered a little too graphic, a little too clinical for use in polite company So we had all that talk about stork visits and "being in a family way" or simply” expecting."

Apparently "brassiere" is a word no longer in usage. I said it the other day and my daughter cracked up. I guess it's just "bra" now "Unmentionables" probably wouldn't be understood at all.

I always loved going to the "picture show," but I considered "movie" an affectation.

Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a pure-'60s word I came across the other day - "rat fink." Ooh, what a nasty put-down!

Here's a word I miss - "percolator." That was just a fun word to say. And what was it replaced with? "Coffee maker." How dull. Mr. Coffee, I blame you for this.

I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so modern and now sound so retro. Words like "DynaFlow" and "Electrolux." Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV, now with "SpectraVision!"

Food for thought - Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago? Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe that's what castor oil cured, because I never hear mothers threatening kids with castor oil anymore.

Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered list. The one that grieves me most "supper." Now everybody says "dinner." Save a great word. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Lovers of the English language might enjoy this......How do non-natives ever learn all the nuances of English???

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP a and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir up trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this up is confusing:

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP . When it rains, it wets UP the earth.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .

One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so
....

Time to shut UP .....!

Oh...one more thing:!
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?

U P

Thank to Richard Matherne
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . Having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . Not piddling in your pants.

Thanks to Richard Matherne
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

*Second Opinion 2*

A man has not been feeling well and goes to the doctor for a check up. After the physical examination and a battery of blood tests and X-rays, he asks the doctor about his situation.

The doctor replies, "You are very sick. You might not live longer than perhaps three or four months."

The man, in despair, yet, with a glimpse of hope says, "If you don't mind, doctor, I would like to have a second opinion."

"Okay," the doctor answers, "you're ugly, too!"

(-:][:-)

*Let Us Know*

The following advertisement appeared in a physical culture magazine:

"Here's a good test for stomach muscles. Clasp your hands over your head and place your feet together on the floor. Now bend to the right at the waist as you sit down to the left of your feet. Now by sheer muscular control, haul yourself up, bend to the left and sit down on the floor to the right of your feet. Keep this up and let us know of the result."

The first letter received by the magazine said "HERNIA"

(-:][:-)

*Handy Gadget*

After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily.

Wow," the woman said. "I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car."

"Actually," I replied, "that's my husband."

(-:][:-)

*You Are A Bad Cook If...*

You Are A Bad Cook If... - The last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire

- Your apple pie bubbled over and ate the enamel off the bottom of the oven.

- You make tuna noodle broccoli surprise for your family and the surprise is that it glows in the dark!

- Your homemade bread can be used as a door stop.

- The leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.

- Those annoying pest control companies keep pestering you, wanting to buy and patent your recipe for candy Christmas cookies.

- You forget and leave a gallon of your homemade ice cream on the porch overnight during a record busting heat- and the next afternoon, not only is it still solid, but it tastes better.

- You hate rice, but you keep finding it floating around in your beef stew.

- Your kids know what exactly peas porridge in a crockpot nine days old tastes like.

- The EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red 'biohazard' symbols.

- You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.

- You consider it a culinary success if the pop-tart stays in one piece.

- Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.

- Your family buys Alka Seltzer and Kaopectate in bulk.

- When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.

- Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren.

- Your microwave display reads "TILT!"

- Your two best recipes are meatloaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests can't tell which is which.

- You've used three boxes of scouring pads and a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan.

- You make tuna noodle surprise and the surprise is that it glows in the dark and melts the silverware.

- Your family prays AFTER they eat!

(-:][:-)

*Happy Eggs*

One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan Air Base in South Korea, I was in line for breakfast and noticed that the cook behind the counter looked kind of harassed. After I gave him my order, he asked me how I wanted my eggs.

Not wanting to burden him further, I said cheerfully, "Oh, whatever is easiest for you."

With that, he took two eggs, cracked them open onto my plate and handed it back to me.

(-:][:-)

Eye Laugh

"Bird Mix-Up"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw317

"Hay!"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw318

"Minty Fresh"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=111

"Dog Sprinkler"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=113

"Half Mile Ticket"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw319

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/poodle.html - - I read recently that elegant dog garb and pricey canine day-care are "in" these days. Frankly, I was pleased to learn this. For until I acquired this seemingly frivolous bit of information, I was seriously concerned about my parents.

My mom and dad bought a toy poodle nearly a decade ago and, almost immediately, my mother took to her knitting. Multi-colored dog coats. Stylish woolen sweaters. Pixie the poodle dressed better than I do.

I wasn't worried, at first. I just assumed that my mother's knitting was part of a plot to garner grandchildren. Her unspoken message? "If you and your brother don't give me a reason to knit booties, I'll simply knit doggy-wear instead."

My mom's plan, although guilt inducing, didn't work. Neither my brother nor I had any interest in progeny production, and canine clothing wasn't going to change our minds. Nor were we moved to procreate by a parade of rhinestone dog collars -- one for each day of the week.

I must admit that I was a bit hurt when our graduation photographs were banished to the garage. Their replacement? A poodle portrait encircled by a frame worthy of kings.

Still, grandchildren failed to materialize. Which probably explains the mode my mother developed to introduce their dog to strangers: "I'd like you to meet Pixie, our only grandchild."

My father never took up knitting. Nor, as far as I can ascertain, has he ever mistaken Pixie for a granddaughter. However, he does have poodle proclivities that even my mother thinks strange.

Most nights, my father splits a banana with Pixie. If he's out of bananas, he serves her ice cream in a china bowl. And he's so reluctant to leave the dog home alone, that he'll forgo a gourmet meal and smuggle her into McDonald's. How does he avoid detection? He crams her into a carrying case and, as they approach the door, he bends to snout level and whispers "You're not supposed to be here, so keep down and be quiet."

"I told you she speaks English," my father proclaims after each poodle-smuggling success. And on those rare occasions when we persuade him to leave Pixie unattended, he talks about her constantly and hurries to get back. He even heralds his return with a honk of his car horn.

My parents have finally given up on getting non-canine grand-kids. But they still refuse to treat their dog like...well...a dog. Pixie parades about in poodle coats and presides at the head of the table. And, while she has yet to learn how to use a knife or fork, I'm sure it's only a matter of time.

So what does all this mean? Do my parents need therapy? Has grandchild-deprivation driven them mad? No, I'm relieved to discover. In fact, compared to many dog owners, my parents seem relatively sane. Not once have they considered a canine chiropractor. Or a coach to prep Pixie to meet with a co-op board. And they also spurn dog play-dates and doggie day-care where pets frolic, nap, swim, and watch cartoons. "Those dogs are spoiled," my mother says of canines who partake.

So I'm guilt-free at last -- I didn't induce dementia in my mom and dad. Thus assured of my parents' sanity, my husband and I may even adopt a poodle of our own.

We're already planning her winter wardrobe.

http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://www.livescience.com/ LiveScience
This site explains the latest research on the planet, from human biology to the animal world and the forces of nature.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://audio.search.yahoo.com/ Yahoo! Audio Search
Find audio files from across the Web including music, podcasts, interviews and more.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://www.infoplease.com/spot/mlkjrday1.html Martin Luther King Jr. Day
On January 15, 2007, United States citizens will celebrate a national holiday commemorating the life and achievements of civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. This InfoPlease site presents a biography, timeline, quotes and other resources on Dr. King. Related sites: The King Center / The Stanford MLK Research and Education Institute.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://www.mymoney.gov/ Mymoney.gov
MyMoney.gov is the U.S. government's website dedicated to teaching all Americans the basics about financial education. Whether you are planning to buy a home, balancing your checkbook, or investing in your 401k, the resources on MyMoney.gov can help you do it better. Throughout the site, you will find important information from 20 federal agencies government wide.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://www.moneyfactory.gov/ U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing
Welcome to the Bureau of Engraving and Printing's (BEP) web site. We are the largest producers of security documents in the United States. The BEP prints billions of Federal Reserve Notes for delivery to the Federal Reserve System each year (the BEP does not produce coins - all coinage is produced by the United States Mint). These notes are produced at our facilities in Washington, D.C. and Ft. Worth, Texas.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://www.newseum.org/pulitzer/ Capture the Moment: The Pulitzer Prize Photographs
Award winning photographs presented by the Newseum, the interactive museum of news.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://www.npguides.org/ Non-profit Guides
Non-profit guides are free web-based grant-writing tools for non-profit organizations, charitable, educational, public organizations, and other community-minded groups. These guides are designed to assist established non-profits through the grant-writing process.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
January 19, 2007
Watch Where You Are Walking

Today's Message is from Steve Alferi (a Houston Albemarle employee).
________________________________

Over the years, there have been several people who have had recordable injuries while walking. I can recall a person stumbled down stairs at the Tower and at least two people who severely sprained their ankles when they stepped on uneven ground.

I know it sounds simple, but you have to watch where you are walking!!
Look out for stumbling hazards and uneven surfaces, and spots with liquids on the floor or ground.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
January 18, 2007
DRIVING SAFETY TIPS

Driving in Snow and Ice

The best advice for driving in bad winter weather is not to drive at all, if you can avoid it. Don't go out until the snow plows and sanding trucks have had a chance to do their work, and allow yourself extra time to reach your destination.

If you must drive in snowy conditions, make sure your car is prepared and that you know how to handle road conditions. It's helpful to practice winter driving techniques in a snowy, open parking lot, so you're familiar with how your car handles. Consult your owner's manual for tips specific to your vehicle.

Driving safely on icy roads
Decrease your speed and leave yourself plenty of room to stop. You should allow at least three times more space than usual between you and the car in front of you.

Brake gently to avoid skidding. If your wheels start to lock up, ease off the brake.

Turn on your lights to increase your visibility to other motorists.

Keep your lights and windshield clean.

Use low gears to keep traction, especially on hills.

Don't use cruise control or overdrive on icy roads.

Be especially careful on bridges, overpasses and infrequently traveled roads, which will freeze first. Even at temperatures above freezing, if the conditions are wet, you might encounter ice in shady areas or on exposed roadways like bridges.

Don't pass snow plows and sanding trucks. The drivers have limited visibility, and you're likely to find the road in front of them worse than the road behind.

Don't assume your vehicle can handle all conditions. Even four-wheel and front-wheel drive vehicles can encounter trouble on winter roads.

If your rear wheels skid...
Take your foot off the accelerator.

Steer in the direction you want the front wheels to go. If your rear wheels are sliding left, steer left. If they're sliding right, steer right.

If your rear wheels start sliding the other way as you recover, ease the steering wheel toward that side. You might have to steer left and right a few times to get your vehicle completely under control.

If you have standard brakes, pump them gently.

If you have anti-lock brakes (ABS), do not pump the brakes. Apply steady pressure to the brakes. You will feel the brakes pulse -- this is normal.

If your front wheels skid...
Take your foot off the gas and shift to neutral, but don't try to steer immediately.

As the wheels skid sideways, they will slow the vehicle and traction will return. As it does, steer in the direction you want to go. Then put the transmission in "drive" or release the clutch, and accelerate gently.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
January 17, 2007
Don’t Forget about CO!

Carbon monoxide poisoning can kill you before you even know it. Carbon monoxide is a colorless, tasteless and odorless gas that is produced by the incomplete combustion of fuel. It deprives your body of oxygen, causing a reaction similar to slow suffocation. Symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning include headache, fever, skin rashes, dizziness, weakness, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, shortness of breath, chest pain and difficulty thinking. If your blood has too much carbon monoxide, you can lose consciousness and possibly die.

Take the time to know these safety tips that will help you identify if there is a carbon monoxide problem in your home.

- Be suspicious if everyone in your home is experiencing the same symptoms. - If these symptoms are alleviated when you leave your house and come back when you return, get the house checked.
- Be aware of common sources, such as gas and oil furnaces, wood stoves, kerosene heaters, gas appliances, pool heaters and engine exhaust fumes.
- Have all fuel-burning appliances and furnaces, wood stoves and fireplaces installed by a professional.
- Don’t let appliances go without repair. Blocked or disconnected vents can let carbon monoxide into your home.
- Use gas or kerosene space heaters only in well-ventilated rooms, but don’t ever use them overnight.
- Have a qualified technician check your home’s gas or oil heating system and gas appliances regularly.
- Don’t use a charcoal grill or hibachi inside a home, a closed garage or a recreational vehicle or tent.
- Never run a car in a closed garage.

Get a carbon monoxide detector.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
December 19, 2006
45,000 deaths from traffic accidents

Today's Message is from Jerry Runk (a Houston Albemarle employee).
__________________________________

Every year the United States averages approximately 45,000 deaths from traffic accidents. Nearly all are considered preventable.

This morning on the way to work I saw an accident in Pasadena. I hope it didn't involve fatalities, because it was bad.

With 300 million people living in the US, the odds (everyone with equal exposure) are 1 in 6,667 that you will die in a traffic accident.

With the holiday season many folks are out on the road more thus increasing their exposure. Everyone is hurried at this time of year with lots of things on their mind. Please take your time, concentrate on the task of getting to your destination safely, and making it home to your loved ones.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
December 15, 2006

Today's Safety From the Heart message was submitted by Allen Smoak.
_________________________________

Winter Driving Safety

This morning was a much milder weather day...just a thin sheen of ice on the windshield. I allowed my defrost to clear my windshield before leaving for work. The morning drive was normal...slow down on Cattle Creek Road by the Duke's farm...normally there are deer present...oops there are two crossing the highway. I turn right on Hwy. 21 toward Orangeburg. While traveling through Rowesville.. speed limit 45 MPH...I get behind an Rav4 travelling 25 MPH. The 1.5 mile road through Rowesville has double yellow lines so I slow down to 25 MPH and keep a safe distant.

About half way through Rowesville, a signal light on a trailing vehicle indicates that patience has run out on the drivers behind me. A log truck passes...then a pickup truck passes the Rav4. I notice the driver of the Rav4 is peering through a small hole in the ice on his windshield...that explains the slow speed. As we approach the end of the town limit and can accelerate to 55 MPH, I wait until the double yellow lines have ended. By this time, there are several additional trailing vehicles. The Rav 4 is now at 35 MPH. I signal to pass and increase my acceleration. At 55 MPH the Rav4 is still beside me...the driver in tunnel vision to what is going on around him is now speeding up because his windshield is clear. I prepare to slow and return to my trailing position and notice two other vehicles have pulled out behind me.

I performed the safer move to prevent an accident....I floor my vehicle and let those 325 horses run... not only to pass the Rav4 ...but allow the other two vehicles to pass before encountering an approaching vehicle.
Just a normal drive into work..........yeah right.....

PS...As I approached the intersection near the Highway Department, guess who is waiting at the light....the log truck and the pickup. Their unsafe act did not get them to their destination any quicker.

First....take the extra time to defrost an icy windshield...
Second....be patient....don't pass on double yellow lines.....the time one saves is not negligible....
Third....drive defensively.....deer and other Rav4 creatures may provide obstacles to manage in one's morning commute...
Fourth...be prepared by expecting the unexpected.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
December 14, 2006

Winter Safety Tips

Today's Safety From the Heart message was submitted by Darrell Kennerly last week when it was in the mid-teens for several days here in Orangeburg. Today the high temperature here is supposed to be in the low 70s, but more winter weather will be coming.

Watches and Warnings

Winter Storm Watch
Severe winter conditions, such as heavy snow and/or ice are possible within the next day or two. Prepare now!

Winter Storm Warning
Severe winter conditions have begun or are about to begin in your area. Stay indoors!

Blizzard Warning
Snow and strong winds will combine to produce blinding snow (near zero visibility), deep drifts, and life-threatening wind chill. Seek refuge immediately.

Frost/Freeze Warning
Below freezing temperatures are expected and may cause significant damage to plants, crops, or fruit trees.

Effects of the Cold

Frostbite
Frostbite is a severe reaction to cold exposure, and can cause permanently damage. Symptoms include a loss of feeling, and a white or pale appearance in fingers, toes, or nose and ear lobes.

Hypothermia
Hypothermia is a condition that occurs when the body temperature drops below 90 degrees Fahrenheit. Symptoms include uncontrollable shivering, slow speech, memory lapses, frequent stumbling, drowsiness, and exhaustion.

Treatment
If frostbite or hypothermia is suspected, begin warming the person slowly and seek immediate medical assistance.

Warm the person's trunk first. Use your own body heat to help. Arms and legs should be warmed last because stimulation of the limbs can drive cold blood toward the heart and lead to heart failure.

Put the person in dry clothing and wrap their entire body in a blanket.

Never give a frostbite or hypothermia victim something with caffeine (like coffee or tea) or alcohol. Caffeine is a stimulant and can make the heart beat faster, hastening the effects of the cold on the body. Alcohol is a depressant and can slow the heart, also hastening the ill effects of cold body temperatures.

Winter Safety Tips

FOR THE ELDERLY
As we get older, we're more sensitive to the cold
Find a "buddy" to check on you daily, in person or by telephone
Stay active. Sitting in one place can make you colder
Ask a friend or relative to de-ice or shovel your walkways and porches to avoid a fall

WHEN INSIDE
Use proper precautions when using alternate heating, such as a fireplace, wood stove, or electric heater, including proper ventilation and keeping flammables far away
Eat. This helps your body produce its own heat.
Avoid alcohol, which can make your body lose heat
Close off unused rooms to conserve heat
Wear loose-fitting, light-weight, warm clothing. Remove layers to avoid perspiring.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
December 12, 2006
Guns on School Property

Today's Safety From the Heart message was submitted by Don Banner.
__________________________________

This is remotely safety-related and very good information. I recently spoke with my younger brother who related the following story to me.

He had been deer hunting and quit just in time to get to his son's wrestling match. On arrival at the school, he placed his deer stand inside the vehicle and entered the gymnasium. Shortly he was escorted from the gym by the police to his truck. The juvenile officer patrolling the parking lot noticed his deer stand and took a closer look. He spotted two rifles and a pistol in his back seat. Having weapons on the property of a school is a felony offense.

My brother was taken to jail and will now have to face the DA in court to determine his fate. My brother has never been in trouble and had no ill intent, but he really messed up. If the DA chooses, my brother could become a convicted felon. This would cause him not to be able to own a gun and never be able to hunt again. Because it was obvious he was returning from hunting, he will probably get his guns back and a slap on the hand.

I related this to both of my shops to find this is a mistake many of the guys could easily make. At least one indicated he had made this mistake. This is information all hunters should be aware of. My brother had no idea he was committing a felony.

Have a great/safe day.
------------------------------------------------------------

Update from Donald Banner on 12/11/06:

My brother went in front of the DA. If he is a good boy for 90 days, the charge will be dismissed and his guns returned. Thus, all is well.

Donald Banner
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
November 27, 2006

Vehicle Break-In

Today's Message is from Emory Baker (a Houston Albemarle employee).

Recently while at Bear Creek Park baseball complex, my vehicle was broken into and I had a few things stolen. When I filed the report with HPD, the officer told me a few things I wanted to pass along.

Apparently when we pulled into the parking lot we were being watched by the lousy, no good so and so's. I digress. The officer told me that when a woman walks away from a vehicle anywhere without her purse, it is a 99% indication that it is in the vehicle. They break into the vehicle go thru the purse and remove one or two credit cards and then put everything back like it was so as not to arouse suspicion. Then they go have a $170.00 meal and buy lots of gasoline.

With the holiday shopping season coming, please pass this info along. Also, never shop alone if at all possible.

Additionally, the route of entry was to knock out the keyway on the driver's side because most of us are in the habit of using keyless entry nowadays so it is not readily noticed that the keyway has been knocked out, especially at night.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
I recently made a batch of pancakes for my healthy 14-year-old son, using a mix that was in our pantry.
He said that they tasted "funny," but ate them anyway. About 10 minutes later, he began having difficulty breathing and his lips began turning purple. I gave him his allergy pill, had him sit on the sofa and told him to relax. He was wheezing while inhaling and exhaling.

My husband, a volunteer Firefighter and EMT, heated up some water, and we had my son lean over the water so the steam could clear his chest and sinuses. Soon, his breathing became more regular and his lips returned to a more normal color.

We checked the date on the box of pancake mix and, to my dismay, found it was very outdated. As a reference librarian at an academic institution, I have the ability to search through many research databases. I did just that, and found an article the next day that mentioned a 19-year-old male DYING after eating pancakes made with outdated mix. Apparently, the mold that forms in old pancake mix can be toxic!

When we told our friends about my son's close call, we were surprised at the number of people who mentioned that they should check their own pancake mix since they don't use it often, or they had purchased it some time ago.

With so many people shopping at warehouse-type stores and buying large sizes of pancake mix, I hope your readers will take the time to check the expiration date on their boxes.

Also, beware of outdated cake, brownie and cookie mixes.

Comments: This "Dear Abby" column was published in newspapers in April 2006. The story checks out. As Abby's correspondent mentions, her son's allergic reaction to the "funny-tasting" pancakes she fed him matches a case reported in the September 2001 issue of the American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology in which a 19-year-old male with mold allergies died of anaphylactic shock after consuming pancakes made from an outdated mix.

Note that in both cases, the patient experiencing the attack had specific allergies pertaining to food molds.

These molds can grow in all kinds of food products, not just baking mixes, bacteriologist Chris Atkinson notes in an article in The Hub Weekly, so it behooves consumers to monitor the expiration dates on packaged foods across the board. Since not all food molds are visible to the naked eye or detectable by smell, nor are the mycotoxins they produce eliminated by cooking, Atkinson recommends a better-safe-than-sorry approach and shares several helpful tips for preventing mold contamination of food in the home. - - http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_pancake_mix_mold.htm

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Shocking Senatorial Votes

"Never argue with an idiot; they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." ~ anonymous

The following senators voted AGAINST making English the official language of America :

Akaka (D-HI)
Bayh (D-IN)
Biden (D-DE)
Bingaman (D-NM)
Boxer (D-CA)
Cantwell (D-WA)
Clinton (D-NY)
Dayton (D-MN)
Dodd (D-CT)
Domenici (R-NM)
Durbin (D-IL)
Feingold (D-WI)
Feinstein (D-CA)
Harkin (D-IA)
Inouye (D-HI)
Jeffords (I-VT)
Kennedy (D-MA)
Kerry (D-MA)
Kohl (D-WI)
Lautenberg (D-NJ)
Leahy (D-VT)
Levin (D-MI)
Lieberman (D-CT)
Menendez (D-NJ)
Mikulski (D-MD)
Murray (D-WA)
Obama (D-IL)
Reed (D-RI)
Reid (D-NV)
Salazar (D-CO)
Sarbanes (D-MD)
Schumer (D-NY)
Stabenow (D-MI)
Wyden (D-OR)

Now, the following are the senators who voted to give illegal aliens Social Security benefits. They are grouped by home state. If a state is not listed, there was no voting representative.

Alaska : Stevens (R)
Arizona : McCain (R)
Arkansas : Lincoln (D) Pryor (D)
California : Boxer (D) Feinstein (D)
Colorado : Salazar (D)
Connecticut : Dodd (D) Lieberman (D)
Delaware : Biden (D) Carper (D)
Florida : Martinez (R)
Hawaii : Akaka (D) Inouye (D)
Illinois : Durbin (D) Obama (D)
Indiana : Bayh (D) Lugar (R)
Iowa : Harkin (D)
Kansas : Brownback (R)
Louisiana : Landrieu (D)
Maryland : Mikulski (D) Sarbanes (D)
Massachusetts : Kennedy (D) Kerry (D)
Montana : Baucus (D)
Nebraska : Hagel (R)
Nevada : Reid (D)
New Jersey : Lautenberg (D) Menendez (D)
New Mexico : Bingaman (D)
New York : Clinton (D) Schumer (D)
North Dakota : Dorgan (D)
Ohio : DeWine (R) oinovich(R)
Oregon : Wyden (D)
Pennsylvania : Specter (R)
Rhode Island : Chafee (R) Reed (D)
South Carolina : Graham (R)
South Dakota : Johnson (D)
Vermont : Jeffords (I) Leahy (D)
Washington : Cantwell (D) Murray (D)
West Virginia: Rockefeller (D), by Not Voting
Wisconsin : Feingold (D) Kohl (D)

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
This is a test for the old kids! The answers are printed below, but don't you cheat. How many will get right?

01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?____________

02. When the Beatles first came to the US in early 1964, we all watched them on The __________________ Show.

03. "Get your kicks, ___________________."

04. "The story you are about to see if true. The names have been changed___________________."

05. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________."

06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the "_____________."

07. "N_E_S_T_L_E_S", Nestle's makes the very best _________."

08. Satchmo w as America's "Ambassador of Goodwill." Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.

09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________

10. Red Skelton's hobo character was named ____________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, "Good Night, and "_______________".

11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their____________.

12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did ! it go by ? ____________ & _______________.

13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, "the day the music died." This was a tribute to ___________________.

14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.

15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ________ ________

ANSWERS:

01. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03 On Route 66
04. To protect the innocent.
05. The Lion sleeps tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader, and "Good Night, and may God Bless"
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned.)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop

Send this to your "old" friends. It will drive them crazy! And, keep them busy and let them forget their aches and pains for a few minutes.

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Statement from Carolyn W. Merritt, Chairman and CEO, U.S. Chemical Safety Board, on the Release of the BP Refineries Independent Safety Review Panel Report

The CSB commends the BP Refineries Independent Safety Review Panel for its diligence in producing this comprehensive report on BP's safety management and culture, which was released today.

The panel, which BP formed in response to the CSB's urgent recommendation of August 2005, has completed its task in a thorough, independent, and credible manner, as it was chartered to do. We thank Secretary Baker for his leadership as well as the other ten distinguished panelists and the panel staff. We acknowledge BP for funding the panel and for its cooperation.

The Baker panel has given us an unprecedented insight into the safety culture of BP, one of the world's largest corporations, which experienced a catastrophic accident in Texas City in March 2005.

The report demonstrates that the 'serious concerns' the CSB voiced in August 2005 about BP's safety practices - in the early phases of our accident investigation - were indeed justified.

There is no doubt that the issues of safety culture and safety management identified in this report are serious and warrant immediate action by BP, its executives, and its board of directors.

The panel's findings present a landmark opportunity for the boards of directors and executives of oil and chemical companies throughout the world to re-examine their own safety cultures and ask whether they are sufficiently investing in the people, procedures, and equipment that will make their workplaces safe from catastrophic accidents. This is an opportunity for review and reform on a worldwide scale.

Corporate leadership at the highest level is accountable for the safe operation of facilities that use hazardous chemicals. Safety culture is created at the top, and when it fails there, it fails workers far down the line. That is what happened at BP.

After we have had the opportunity to review the panel's report in detail over the next few weeks, we anticipate the Chemical Safety Board will vote on closing the August 2005 urgent recommendation to BP. When that occurs, we will make a further public announcement.

The CSB's final report on the root causes of the March 2005 explosion is in the final drafting stages and is currently planned to be released on March 20, 2007, at a public meeting in Texas City. It will propose recommendations at the national level to prevent similar tragedies in the future.

Background Information

The CSB is an independent federal agency charged with investigating industrial chemical accidents. The agency's board members are appointed by the president and confirmed by the Senate. CSB investigations look into all aspects of chemical accidents, including physical causes such as equipment failure as well as inadequacies in safety regulations, standards, and management systems. The Board does not issue citations or fines but does make safety recommendations to plants, industry organizations, labor groups, and regulatory agencies such as OSHA and EPA. Please visit our website, www.CSB.gov.

For more information, contact Daniel Horowitz at (202) 441-6074 cell (Houston) or Sandy Gilmour at (202) 251-5496 cell (Houston). To arrange an interview with Chairman Merritt or CSB lead investigator Don Holmstrom, please contact Jennifer Jones in Washington, DC, at (202) 261-3603 or (202) 577-8448 cell.

A Chronology of the CSB's Investigation of the 2005 Texas City Accident

March 23, 2005 - An explosion during restarting of the ISOM unit at the BP Texas City refinery kills 15 workers in and around trailers and injures about 180 others

March 24, 2005 - CSB investigators arrive at the BP Texas City refinery

March 26, 2005 - The CSB team points out the hazard of placing trailers so close to operating refinery units

April 1, 2005 - CSB investigators make initial entry into the damaged ISOM unit and identify the atmospheric blowdown drum as the likely source of the release

April 28, 2005 - CSB investigators say diminished outflow from an ISOM unit distillation tower resulted in over pressurization and flooding and led to the flammable release during startup

June 28, 2005 - CSB lead investigator Don Holmstrom announces that a review of computer records shows that two alarms and a level transmitter, which could have warned operators of the flooded condition of ISOM unit equipment, failed to operate properly in the hours leading to the explosion

July 28, 2005 - The Texas City refinery experiences a serious hydrogen fire in the Resid Hydrotreater Unit that causes $30 million in property damage and forces residents to take shelter

August 10, 2005 - Another incident related to mechanical integrity in the refinery's Gas Oil Hydrotreater forces another community shelter-in-place alert

August 17, 2005 - The Chemical Safety Board issues its first-ever urgent safety recommendation, calling on BP to convene an independent panel to assess safety culture and oversight at all five of its North American refineries

October 24, 2005 - BP announces formation of the 11-member panel of experts, chaired by former U.S. Secretary of State James A. Baker III

October 25, 2005 - The Chemical Safety Board issues new urgent safety recommendations calling on the American Petroleum Institute to develop new safety guidance for the placement of trailers away from hazardous process areas

October 27, 2005 - In preliminary findings released at a public meeting in Texas City, CSB investigators describe a history of abnormal startups in the ISOM unit, previous vapor releases, and mechanical failures; they refer to the unit's blowdown system as 'outdated and unsafe'

November 10, 2005 - CSB Chairman Merritt testifies before the newly established Baker panel, notes the role of worker fatigue and operator downsizing in the accident

December 22, 2005 - The CSB releases a narrated computer animation of the events leading the accident; the video is viewed in refineries and chemical plants worldwide

June 30, 2006 - The CSB releases blast damage information for 44 trailers located near the ISOM unit; notes serious damage to a distance of almost 600 feet from the center of the explosions

October 15, 2006 - The CSB issues a safety bulletin based on the July 28, 2005, hydrogen fire, calling for expanded use of positive material verification to prevent accidental releases

October 30, 2006 - The CSB releases new preliminary findings pointing to the role of corporate cost cutting in setting the stage for the Texas City accident, and noting that BP executives were aware of safety problems in Texas City prior to the explosion

October 31, 2006 - The CSB recommends that the American Petroleum Institute develop new practices urging the elimination of atmospheric blowdown drums similar to those in Texas City at all U.S. refineries; the Board also calls on OSHA to establish a refinery special emphasis enforcement program

The CSB investigation of the accident at BP Texas City is the largest, costliest, and most complex in the nine-year history of the agency. To date, more than $2 million has been spent conducting this independent federal investigation.

This message was transmitted at 11:31 AM Eastern Time (U.S.A.) on January 16, 2007.

____________________________

Visit us on the World Wide Web at http://www.csb.gov
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the pastor decided to visit him.

It was a chilly evening. The pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire. Guessing the reason for his pastors visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a comfortable chair near the fireplace and waited.

The pastor made himself at home but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around the burning logs. After some minutes, the pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent. The host watched all this in quiet contemplation. As the one lone ember's flame flickered and diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and dead.

Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. The Pastor glanced at his watch and realized it was time to leave. He slowly stood up, picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow, once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.

As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said with a tear running down his cheek, "Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday."

We live in a world today, which tries to say too much with too little. Consequently, few listen. Sometimes the best sermons are the ones left unspoken

If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything!

Thanks to Waneta
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Charles Plumb was a US Navy jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience! One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!" "How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb. "I packed your parachute," the man replied. Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The ma n pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked!" Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today." Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb says, "! I kept wondering what he had looked like in a Navy uniform: a white hat; a bib in the back; and bell-bottom trousers. I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said 'Good morning, how are you?' or anything because, you see, I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor." Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent at a long wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he didn't know. Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?" Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day. He also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy territory -- he needed his physical parachute, his mental parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute. He called on all these supports before reaching safety. Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason. As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize people who pack your parachutes.

Thanks to Ricky Shepherd
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Muslim History Lesson

Pass this on to your congressmen.

"If we do not learn from history, we are doomed to repeat it!"

Democrat Keith Ellison is now officially the first Muslim United States congressman. True to his pledge, he placed his hand on the Quran, the Muslim book of jihad and pledged his allegiance to the United States during his ceremonial swearing-in. Capitol Hill staff said Ellison's swearing-in photo opportunity drew more media than they had ever seen in the history of the U.S. House. Ellison represents the 5th Congressional District of Minnesota.

The Quran Ellison used was no ordinary book. It once belonged to Thomas Jefferson, third president of the United States and one of America 's founding fathers. Ellison borrowed it from the Rare Book Section of the Library of Congress. It was one of the 6,500 Jefferson books archived in the library.

Ellison, who was born in Detroit and converted to Islam while in college, said he chose to use Jefferson's Quran because it showed that "a visionary like Jefferson " believed that wisdom could be gleaned from many sources.

There is no doubt Ellison was right about Jefferson believing wisdom could be "gleaned" from the Muslim Quran. At the time Jefferson owned the book, he needed to know everything possible about Muslims because he was about to advocate war against the Islamic "Barbary" states of Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia and Tripoli.

Ellison's use of Jefferson's Quran as a prop illuminates a subject once well-known in the history of the United States, but, which today, is mostly forgotten - the Muslim pirate slavers who over many centuries enslaved millions of Africans and tens of thousands of Christian Europeans and Americans in the Islamic "Barbary" states.

Over the course of 10 centuries, Muslim pirates cruised the African and Mediterranean coastline, pillaging villages and seizing slaves. The taking of slaves in pre-dawn raids on unsuspecting coastal villages had a high casualty rate. It was typical of Muslim raiders to kill off as many of the "non-Muslim" older men and women as possible so the preferred "booty" of only young women and children could be collected. Young non-Muslim women were targeted because of their value as concubines in Islamic markets. Islamic law provides for the sexual interests of Muslim men by allowing them to take as many as four wives at one time and to have as many concubines as their fortunes allow.

Boys, as young as 9 or 10 years old, were often mutilated to create eunuchs who would bring higher prices in the slave markets of the Middle East. Muslim slave traders created "eunuch stations" along major African slave routes so the necessary surgery could be performed. It was estimated that only a small number of the boys subjected to the mutilation survived after the surgery.

When American colonists rebelled against British rule in 1776, American merchant ships lost Royal Navy protection. With no American Navy for protection, American ships were attacked and their Christian crews enslaved by Muslim pirates operating under the control of the "Dey of Algiers"--an Islamist warlord ruling Algeria.

Because American commerce in the Mediterranean was being destroyed by the pirates, the Continental Congress agreed in 1784 to negotiate treaties with the four Barbary States . Congress appointed a special commission consisting of John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and Benjamin Franklin, to oversee the negotiations.

Lacking the ability to protect its merchant ships in the Mediterranean, the new American government tried to appease the Muslim slavers by agreeing to pay tribute and ransoms in order to retrieve seized American ships and buy the freedom of enslaved sailors.

Adams argued in favor of paying tribute as the cheapest way to get American commerce in the Mediterranean moving again. Jefferson was opposed. He believed there would be no end to the demands for tribute and wanted matters settled "through the medium of war." He proposed a league of trading nations to force an end to Muslim piracy.

In 1786, Jefferson, then the American ambassador to France, and Adams, then the American ambassador to Britain , met in London with Sidi Haji Abdul Rahman Adja, the "Dey of Algiers" ambassador to Britain .

The Americans wanted to negotiate a peace treaty based on Congress' vote to appease.

During the meeting Jefferson and Adams asked the Dey's ambassador why Muslims held so much hostility towards America , a nation with which they had no previous contacts.

In a later meeting with the American Congress, the two future presidents reported that Ambassador Sidi Haji Abdul Rahman Adja had answered that Islam "was founded on the Laws of their Prophet, that it was written in their Quran, that all nations who should not have acknowledged their authority were sinners, that it was their right and duty to make war upon them wherever they could be found, and to make slaves of all they could take as Prisoners, and that every Mussel man (Muslim) who should be slain in Battle was sure to go to Paradise."

For the following 15 years, the American government paid the Muslims millions of dollars for the safe passage of American ships or the return of American hostages. The payments in ransom and tribute amounted to 20 percent of United States government annual revenues in 1800.

Not long after Jefferson's inauguration as president in 1801, he dispatched a group of frigates to defend American interests in the Mediterranean , and informed Congress. Declaring that America was going to spend "millions for defense but not one cent for tribute," Jefferson pressed the issue by deploying American Marines and many of America 's best warships to the Muslim Barbary Coast .

The USS Constitution, USS Constellation, USS Philadelphia, USS Chesapeake, USS Argus, USS Syren and USS Intrepid all saw action.

In 1805, American Marines marched across the desert from Egypt into Tripolitania, forcing the surrender of Tripoli and the freeing of all American slaves.

During the Jefferson administration, the Muslim Barbary States, crumbling as a result of intense American naval bombardment and on shore raids by Marines, finally officially agreed to abandon slavery and piracy.

Jefferson's victory over the Muslims lives on today in the Marine Hymn, with the line, "From the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli, we will fight our country's battles on the land as on the sea."

It wasn't until 1815 that the problem was fully settled by the total defeat of all the Muslim slave trading pirates.

Jefferson had been right. The "medium of war" was the only way to put an end to the Muslim problem. Mr. Ellison was right about Jefferson . He was a "visionary" wise enough to read and learn about the enemy from their own Muslim book of jihad

Thanks to Daphne Roberts
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 12, Number 25 --- 17 Jan 2007
Tourbus Home -- http://www.InternetTourbus.com

+---------------------------------------+

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: iPhone / International Tracing Service

Howdy, y'all, from deep behind the orange curtain in beautiful Irvine, California, where "so many lives are on the breeze even the stars are ill at ease." [I know I am going to serve time in purgatory for this, but the first thing I thought of when I learned that four mansions in Malibu were on fire -- see http://tinyurl.com/tpws2 -- was Bad Religion's song "Los Angeles is Burning".]

+---------------------------------------+

On with the show...

----------------------------------------------
The iPhone
Audience: People interested in new cell phones
----------------------------------------------

Earlier this week, Apple entered the cell phone business with the introduction of the iPhone, a combination iPod, phone, digital camera, dessert topping, floor wax, and mobile internet communicator all running on a portable OS X platform. The phones drop in the US in June and will be sold at both Cingular/AT&T and Apple retail outlets for between US$499 [4 GB] and $599 [8 GB] with a two year contract.

Between you, me, and the fencepost, this thing is pretty darned sexy. Check out Apple's new iPhone page at

http://www.apple.com/iphone/

for more information and a demo of the iPhone's new features. Even if you aren't remotely interested in buying an iPhone, visit Apple's page and take a look at some of the iPhone's features. Why? Well, I'm pretty certain you're going to see a LOT of these features in other consumer electronic products in the years to come. Think of this as a sneak peek at what's just around the tech corner.

For more in-depth information about the iPhone, Engadget has a minute by minute recap of Steve Jobs' Macworld keynote presentation at http://tinyurl.com/yyfb9f and Apple has posted a video of Steve Jobs' keynote at http://events.apple.com.edgesuite.net/j47d52oo/event/

-----------------------------
International Tracing Service
Audience: Everyone
-----------------------------

Late Last Year, the CBS' news magazine 60 Minutes gave viewers a never before seen look into the International Tracing Service [http://www.its-arolsen.org/] in Bad Arolsen, Germany. Created by the Red Cross shortly after World War II, the International Tracing Service is the largest Holocaust archive in the world. On its 16 miles of shelves are 50 million documents holding the stories of 17 million victims of the Holocaust, including

* The paper trail for "Frank, Annaliese Marie" as she was sent from Amsterdam to her eventual death at Bergen-Beslen. Annaliese is known today as "Anne Frank."

* A list of 700 men and 300 women needed to work in a munitions factory in Brnenec-Brunnlitz in the Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia. The factory was owned by Oskar Schindler.

* An April 20 "Totenbuch" [or "death book"] recording the execution of one prisoner every two minutes.

The most moving and fascinating part of 60 Minutes' piece is that the show invited Walter Feiden, Miki Schwartz, and Jack Rosenthal to visit Bad Arolsen. The three men are the first Holocaust survivors to enter the archive, and the Red Cross located documents for each.

You can watch the 60 Minutes story, in its entirety, online at
http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/i_video/main500251.shtml?id=2274705n

This link will open a new browser window and resize it to the width of CBS' embedded video player, so be ready for that. The video is just under 13 minutes long.

---------------------------------
Wii Replacement Strap
Audience: All Nintendo Wii Owners
---------------------------------

Finally, if you were fortunate enough to snag a new Nintendo Wii game console this past holiday season, you need to know that Nintendo is offering to replace the strap on your Wii remote ["wiimote?"] for free. Apparently, the strap breaks kind of easily, causing the Wii remote to become a potentially destructive projectile.

Just fill out a form at

http://www.nintendo.com/consumer/strapreplace.jsp

and Nintendo will snail mail you a new strap at no cost. Play safe. That's it for today. Have a safe and happy week, and we'll talk again soon.

==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Cpl. Stephen J. Raderstorf, 21, of Peoria, Ariz., died Jan. 7 in Balad, Iraq, of wounds sustained during combat operations. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

02. Spc. James D. Riekena, 22, of Redmond, Wash., died Jan. 14 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Riekena was assigned to the 145th Brigade Support Battalion, Post Falls, Idaho.

03. Sgt. Paul T. Sanchez, 32, of Irving, Texas, died Jan. 14 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Sanchez was assigned to the 543rd Military Police Company, 91st Military Police Battalion, 10th Sustainment Brigade, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y.

The Department of Defense announced the death of four soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Jan 15 in Mosul, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle during combat operations. The soldiers were assigned to the 2nd Squadron, 7th Cavalry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Bliss, Texas. Killed were:
04. 2nd Lt. Mark J. Daily, 23, of Irvine, Calif.
05. Sgt. Ian C. Anderson, 22, of Prairie Village, Kan.
06. Sgt. John E. Cooper, 29, of Ewing, Ky.
07. Spc. Matthew T. Grimm, 21, of Wisconsin Rapids, Wis.

08. Sgt. Gregroy A. Wright, 28, of Boston, died Jan. 13 in Muqdadiyah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle during combat operations. Wright was assigned to the 1st Engineer Battalion, 1st Brigade, 1st Infantry Division, Fort Riley, Kan.

09. Spc. Collin R. Schockmel, 19, of Richwood, Texas, died Jan. 16 in Ar Ramadi, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using grenades during security and observation operations. Schockmel was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 9th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Scheduled Activities
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
~~~
MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Dan 7:1-3 1 Sam 15:19-22 Ezek 10:4-5 1 Sam 19:1-3 2 Pet 3:8-9 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the "Blog" version just go to one of the several addresses on the web. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com or http://www.bugsbleat3q06.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleatfirst.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat3q05.blogspot.com, and http://www.bugsbleat4q05.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2007 before it was sent.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

Bugs Bleat 1Q 07

Blog Archive

About Me

Friday, January 26, 2007

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: In the Fitting Room - - Front Page Photos

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: In the Fitting Room - - Back Page Photos

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: In the Fitting Room