Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Naval Efficiency - - Photos

  Our own "Wild Hogs" leave for Fire Fighter Training at College Station
 

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Naval Efficiency - - Photos

  Kathy Reynolds, Miller County OEM, and I watch a transportation emergency training class.
  Ethan and I enjoy the Albemarle Kids Fishing Derby
  The last MCC health fair.

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Naval Efficiency

Volume 9, Issue 11 Friday, March 16, 2007

Hello All,

“Rising From the Rails” is the title of a book about the Pullman Porters who came to work for the railroads after the Civil War and continued nearly a century. If you ever rode on a Pullman car or wanted to, this is a great read. But even more, it’s the story of men who sacrificed for their families.
~~~~~
“Schools, Common Sense and the Government” The El Dorado Promise http://www.eldoradopromise.com/ guarantees a college education for graduates of El Dorado High School. I’ve got nothing but good things to say about the Murphy Corporation that is funding this.
But you don’t have to live in El Dorado to go to college. All of the schools in Columbia County, both public and private send a large percentage of their graduates to college.
They could probably send more if we were allowed to educate our kids instead of having to toe the federal government line.
Years ago, I heard the principal of the old “Freehope” School speak to the Magnolia Jaycees about the dangers of allowing the federal government to take our money and then give it back to us with strings attached as to how we spend it.
The use of standardized test scores to decide which schools get how much federal support is just the latest method used by the Feds to control local communities. And, like many federal programs, it’s effect is really the opposite of what was intended.
Instead of teaching, our educators are forced to practice test taking with the students. Instead of learning how to think for themselves, our students are learning how to choose A, or B, or C or D on a computerized test form.
Such “rote” learning almost guarantees the failure of our society when these future leaders are faced with difficult decisions.
We’ve seen a stark example in our own emergency team’s training. For years we trained at College Station with large groups of other fire fighters, learning to “step” together and fight each project according to a strict plan. Then, David Pry and the guys decided to pull us out of those large groups and develop our own training based on learning how to think, “size up” the problem and attack the situation successfully.
The result is that our small fire brigade has succeeded in fighting larger, more complicated fires and handling them quicker with fewer resources than the larger departments. A memorable example is the time that a large “CIMA” group was attacking the new (at the time) Pump Alley project. This group of 25 to 30 firefighters fought the project for 45 minutes before the TEEX instructors shut it down, seeing that the large group wasn’t making any progress.
We had eight guys there, watching the show, waiting their turn. The instructor asked them if they’d like to try it and they did. The result? The fire was out in 18 minutes. Why? Our guys were used to thinking on their feet and working together to solve problems.
Now, exactly how does a standardized test teach that?
We need to wake up to the fact that we are addicts who feed at the government trough. Our schools, law enforcement, medical care. etc. all bow the federal government in order to get funding.
Think of what we could do if local people could make decisions about what they were doing instead of having to do what some guy in Washington thinks is good for us.
~~~~~
The 38th Annual GMA Music Awards, also known as the Dove Awards, April 25, 2007 at the Grand Ole Opry House, Nashville, TN.
Our own Ryan Riggins band, "Pocket Full Of Rocks" [http://www.myspace.com/pocketfullofrocks] has been nominated for 2 Doves; New Artist of the year and Worship Album of the year
~~~~~
800-free-411 If you’re a cell phone user, try it, you’ll like it. Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial 1 (800) FREE 411, or 1 (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all.
This works on your home telephone as well!
~
That's not entirely true. If you call an 800 number from your cell phone, it will use minutes, so as long as you're not over your minutes, your o.k. However if you have Alltel and you have a text messaging plan, you can send the name of the person or business you need a number for, with the zip code as a text message to 46645 (that's googl without the 'e') and it will just count as a text.
Jim Pierce - Alltel Sales and Service Representative - 870.299.2830
~~~~~
Lighthouse Church is the name of the new Assembly of God church in Covington, LA, opening in the fall. Jimmy and Vanessa are working hard to share the light on the north shore.
~~~~~
FDA Issues New Warnings on Anemia Drugs, including Procrit, the one I use.

All Associated Press News WASHINGTON (AP) - Federal health officials issued stern new warnings Friday for doctors to more carefully prescribe widely used anemia drugs that can increase the risk of death and other serious problems in patients with cancer and kidney disease.
At issue are drugs sold under the brand names Procrit, Epogen and Aranesp. These drugs are genetically engineered versions of a natural protein, erythropoietin, that increases the number of red blood cells.
Anemia is common with certain forms of kidney disease, especially once a patient is on dialysis, and when cancer patients take chemotherapy.
But the Food and Drug Administration pointed to recent studies that found using too much of the drugs increased the risk of death, blood clots, strokes and heart attacks in patients with chronic kidney failure. In other studies, patients with head and neck cancer had more rapid tumor growth if they used higher-than-recommended doses.
Even when the anemia drugs were used at FDA-recommended doses, giving them to cancer patients not on chemotherapy increased the risk of death, the agency warned. Moreover, some doctors have begun giving the drugs to patients following orthopedic surgery, also increasing the risk of blood clots, FDA said.
Friday, the agency added stern warnings to each of the drug's labels urging that:
_doctors monitor patients' levels of red blood cells and use the lowest possible dose to avoid the need for blood transfusions.
_doctors and patients carefully weigh the risks of using anemia drugs vs. the risk of a transfusion if anemia gets too bad.
A panel of FDA advisers is scheduled to discuss the drugs at a May 10 meeting. Their recommendations could lead to further revisions of the drugs' labels, FDA officials said.
~~~~~
Michael Yon is still reporting from Iraq.
http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wp/ernie-is-dead.htm
~~~~~
Want to help the environment, recycle your fluorescent bulbs. The problem is, the bulb retailers don’t want to take them back. Wal-Mart was accepting them but quit so they could return more dollars to their shareholders. Maybe a Fluorescent bulb deposit would kick start recycling?
~~~~~
The photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include our on “Wild Hogs” leaving for a week of training at ESTI’s TEEX Fire School.
~~~~~
Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular
Current Avg. $ 2.35
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
Albemarle Employee’s pump $1.99
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - We’re sharing recipes from Food Network
Apricot-Glazed Pork Medallions Recipe courtesy Robin Miller
Show: Quick Fix Meals with Robin Miller - -Episode: High Five!


1 pound pork tenderloin, cut crosswise into ½-inch thick rounds
Salt and ground black pepper
2 teaspoons sesame oil
1 1/4 cups apricot preserves
1/4 cup tamari sauce
1 tablespoon chopped pickled ginger

Season both sides of pork with salt and black pepper. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add pork and sear 2 minutes per side. Add apricot preserves, tamari sauce and ginger and bring to a simmer. Simmer 5 minutes, until pork is cooked through and sauce reduces.


Nutrition Information
Nutritional Analysis Per Serving Calories 425
Total fat 6g Saturated fat 2g
Cholesterol 74mg Sodium 1152mg
Carbohydrates 66g Protein 26g
Fiber 0g


Recipe Summary
Difficulty: Easy
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Yield: 4 servings


http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_35458,00.html
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

Apostle to the Irish
3/16/2007

The Real Saint Patrick

If you ask people who Saint Patrick was, you're likely to hear that he was an Irishman who chased the snakes out of Ireland.

It may surprise you to learn that the real Saint Patrick was not actually Irish—yet his robust faith changed the Emerald Isle forever.

Patrick was born in Roman Britain to a middle-class family in about A.D. 390. When Patrick was a teenager, marauding Irish raiders attacked his home. Patrick was captured, taken to Ireland, and sold to an Irish king, who put him to work as a shepherd.

In his excellent book, How the Irish Saved Civilization, Thomas Cahill describes the life Patrick lived. Cahill writes, "The work of such slave-shepherds was bitterly isolated, months at a time spent alone in the hills."

Patrick had been raised in a Christian home, but he didn't really believe in God. But now—hungry, lonely, frightened, and bitterly cold—Patrick began seeking out a relationship with his heavenly Father. As he wrote in his Confession, "I would pray constantly during the daylight hours" and "the love of God . . . surrounded me more and more."

Six years after his capture, God spoke to Patrick in a dream, saying, "Your hungers are rewarded. You are going home. Look—your ship is ready."

What a startling command! If he obeyed, Patrick would become a fugitive slave, constantly in danger of capture and punishment. But he did obey—and God protected him. The young slave walked nearly two hundred miles to the Irish coast. There he boarded a waiting ship and traveled back to Britain and his family.

But, as you might expect, Patrick was a different person now, and the restless young man could not settle back into his old life. Eventually, Patrick recognized that God was calling him to enter a monastery. In time, he was ordained as a priest, then as a bishop.

Finally—thirty years after God had led Patrick away from Ireland—He called him back to the Emerald Isle as a missionary.

The Irish of the fifth century were a pagan, violent, and barbaric people. Human sacrifice was commonplace. Patrick understood the danger and wrote: "I am ready to be murdered, betrayed, enslaved—whatever may come my way."

Cahill notes that Patrick's love for the Irish "shines through his writings . . . He [worried] constantly for his people, not just for their spiritual but for their physical welfare."

Through Patrick, God converted thousands. Cahill writes, "Only this former slave had the right instincts to impart to the Irish a New Story, one that made sense of all their old stories and brought them a peace they had never known before." Because of Patrick, a warrior people "lay down the swords of battle, flung away the knives of sacrifice, and cast away the chains of slavery."

As it is with many Christian holidays, Saint Patrick's Day has lost much of its original meaning. Instead of settling for parades, cardboard leprechauns, and "the wearing of the green," we ought to recover our Christian heritage, celebrate the great evangelist, and teach our kids about this Christian hero.

Saint Patrick didn't chase the snakes out of Ireland, as many believe. Instead, the Lord used him to bring into Ireland a sturdy faith in the one true God—and to forever transform the Irish people.

This commentary first aired on March 17, 2004.

“Saint Patrick: Voice of Justice and Mercy” and “A Man of the Book: St. Patrick’s Approach to Scripture” by T. M. Moore. Also available: sheet music for “St. Patrick's Breastplate” (poem) set to the hymn “divinum mysterium” (“Of the Father’s Love Begotten”). To order copies, call 1-877-322-5527.

For Further Reading and Information

Thomas Cahill, How the Irish Saved Civilization (Doubleday, 1996).

T. M. Moore, Celtic Flame: The Burden of Patrick (Xlibris, 2000).

T. M. Moore, “Witness to Greatness: St. Patrick through the Eyes of a Contemporary,” BreakPoint Online, 15 March 2006.

T. M. Moore, “A Culture of Plunder and Praise,” BreakPoint Online, 2 February 2004.

Read The Confession of St. Patrick (translated from the Latin by Ludwig Bieler) and St. Patrick’s Letter to the Soldiers of Coroticus.

Mark Atherton, ed., Celts and Christians (University of Wales Press, 2002).

Philip Freeman, St. Patrick of Ireland: A Biography (Simon and Schuster, 2004).

BreakPoint Commentary No. 980316, “Service of the Scribes: How the Irish Saved Civilization.”

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
~~~~~
Words of the Week:

nonplus: to confound; to perplex; to bewilder.
trepidation: a state of dread or alarm; apprehension.
cogitate: to think; to ponder.
descry: to catch sight of; to detect.
taciturn: not inclined to talk.
appurtenance: an adjunct or accessory.
specious: apparently right but not so in reality.
from Dictionary.Com

~~~~~
"Who is wise? He that learns from every One. Who is powerful? He that governs his Passions. Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody." - Benjamin Franklin

"Let us consider the polarity of love and hate.... Now, clinical observation shows not only that love is with unexpected regularity accompanied by hat (ambivalence), and not only that in human relationships hate is frequently a forerunner of love, but also that in many circumstances hate changes into love and love into hate." - Sigmund Freud

"If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself." - Charles Schulz

"A word in earnest is as good as a speech." - Charles Dickens

"You must have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by. Yes, but some of them are golden only because we let them slip." - James M. Barrie

"To want to be what one can be is purpose in life." - Cynthia Ozick

"The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking." - Albert Einstein
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

# Fresh Expressions are Blowing Through the Church in Great Britain
# Church in the Parks for the Homeless
# China May be Taking Another Step Toward Capitalism by Privatizing Property

# South Carolina Lawmakers Consider Law that Mandates an Ultrasound before Abortion
# Intercessory Prayer Study Shows God Answers Prayers for Healing
# Anne Frank Exhibit in New Mexico to Shed Light on "The Long and Complicated History of Jewish-Native American Interaction in the Southwest"
# The German-American Connection in the War on Terrorism—Selfless Military Personnel Have Impact on Residents

# Highest Court in France Upholds Traditional Marriage
# 97-Year Old Woman Honored for Rescuing 2,500 Jewish Children in WWII's Warsaw Ghetto
# Poland's President to Open International Pro-Family Conference
# New DVD to be Released at Easter: The Case for Christ's Resurrection

# Images of Solar Eclipse from Outer Space Draw Gasps from NASA Scientists
# Sudanese Refugees in Israel Feel Bond to Jews Because of Holocaust
# Zell Miller's Solution for Social Security, Immigration: Ban Abortions
# Many Top American Idol Contestants Raised in Churches

# Christian Graduate Student Doesn't Back Down After Professor Refuses to Grade Her Paper on Post-Abortion Syndrome in Women
# Holy Spirit Wind Stirs a Hunger-for-God in Russia's Youth
# Female Entrepreneur Uses Capitalism to Help Poor
# For This Chick-Fil-A Restaurant Owner, Business is Just a Means to the End of Glorifying God and Helping Others

# America Again Turns to First Nations People to Help in Battle—this Time in Hunt for Bin Laden
# Despite City's Restrictions on Event, the BattleCry of over 22,000 Christian Youth Heard Loud and Clear in San Francisco
# Chaplain Dismissed from Navy for Praying "In Jesus' Name" Awarded Highest Honor for Courage in Face of Adversity by Kentucky Governor
# Young New Zealanders Bring Pizzas and Flowers to Say "Thank You" to Local Police

# A Laugh-a-day Helps Keep Sickness Away
# Theologian Witnesses Explosion of Christianity in Nepal
# Christians in Barbados Prepare for World Cup through Prayer Walks and Cleaning Neighborhoods

Breaking Christian News
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GCF: Naval Efficiency

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Pat) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. SUBSCRIBE and UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus before it was sent.
----------------------------------------------------

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men. The ship steamed out of the channel and soon the port was far behind.

The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.

He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- Make Sure The Captain Is Aboard Before Getting Under Way."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: "M" is for.....

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Herman) -Tom
----------------------------------------------------

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Golf Partners

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Bill) -Tom
----------------------------------------------------

A fellow comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Tom O'Brien in the games anymore.

The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?"

"Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife.

"Well," says the husband, "Neither would Tom O'Brien."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Appeal a Case

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Suzanne) -Tom
----------------------------------------------------

Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."

Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"

Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Fairy Tales

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Naomi) -Tom
----------------------------------------------------

A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?"

He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise...'"
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Why is the alphabet in that \ /
\ _/order? Is it because of that song?\_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A truly wise man never \ /
\ _/ plays leapfrog with a unicorn. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "Don't ever take a fence down \ /
\ _/ until you know why it was put up."\_ /
/ / - Robert Frost. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If a tree falls in the forest \ /
\ _/ and no one is around to see it, \_ /
/ / do the other trees make fun of it? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Other people have wrinkles. \ /
\ _/ I have character lines. \_ /
/ / \ \
_ ____________________________ _
| Thomas S. Ellsworth |
| tellswor@slonet.org |
| http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor |
|___________________________|
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Hot-Headed Golfer

A hot-headed golfer with a penchant for breaking clubs was playing one day when he came to the 16th hole, where he faced an approach shot across a ravine.

He said to his caddie, "What kind of distance do we have, son?"

The caddie replied, "About 135, sir."

"My 6 iron, please," said the hothead.

His caddie replied, "It's going to have to be either a 3 iron or 3 wood, sir. That's all that's left in the bag!"

Received from Colorado Comments.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Rules for City Driving

Rules for City Driving

1. Never, EVER slow down when a light turns yellow. If you're within half a block of a stop light when it turns yellow, put the pedal to the metal.

2. When attempting to enter a street from any parking lot, make sure that at least the front third of your car is sticking out into the nearest lane.

3. When it starts raining, completely lose your ability to drive and act as if you've never done it before.

4. Using your turn signals is absolutely prohibited, except in limited circumstances, such as when you're five feet from the corner. NEVER use your signal when you're making a right turn and someone is waiting to pull out into YOUR lane.

5. A red light is not TRULY red until five seconds after the yellow light goes out.

Taken from "Cool but useless stuff" on the back of the FBA Youth's bulletin "Powerline."

Received from James B Hall.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Searching for Witnesses

A policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.

"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" inquired the officer.

"Sir," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole."

Received from You Make Me Laugh.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] GPA

At the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus party. Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful young thing and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at parties.

"Oh, I have a 3.9, so I'm much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb party animals," she said. "What's your G.P.A.?"

Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about 27 in the city and 38 on the highway."

Received from Pastor Tim.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] "M"

/* One final word of thanks to all of you that sent in a donation! Your generous donations will keep us running smoothly for another 6 months. Thanks, and have a great weekend! */

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother."

Received from Thomas S. Ellsworth

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
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Scientifically proven to work every time! - DR

STRESS RELIEF

I use this technique all the time, it really works :-)

In case you are having a rough day, Here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals.

Just follow the 7 steps below. The funny thing is that it really does work.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

Thanks to Daphne Roberts
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(You're gonna love this)

(It’s a real treat)

(A masterpiece)

(Wait for it)

(Here it comes)

The bank manager looks back at her and says ..

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are .)

Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!

Thanks to Nancy Terry
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Hymns for Her

One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Finally! A solution for all you guys who do not like to "tag-a-long" with the wife.

I really don't like to go shopping, my wife on the other hand loves to shop. She usually insists that I go along. Invariably, we always end up at Wal-Mart and by that time I am so bored I have to find something to do to keep my mind from turning to mush.

I guess that's why she got this letter from Wal-Mart yesterday.

Dear Mrs. ............,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against your husband are listed below.

1. June 15: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest-rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares... and then stood back and watched what happened.

5. Aug 4: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants.

11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but not least ...

15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

While we appreciate your business, we ask that in the future would you please leave your husband at home.

Sincerely,
Wal-Mart management

And that suits me just fine!

Thanks to Daphne Roberts
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MEMORANDUM
From: Headquarters - New York
To: General Managers
Next Thursday at 10:30 Haley's Comet will appear over this area. This is an event which occurs only once every 75 years. Notify all directors and have them arrange for all employees to assemble on the Company lawn and inform them of the occurrence of this phenomenon. If it rains, cancel the day's observation and assemble in the auditorium to see a film about the comet.

MEMORANDUM
From: General Manager
To: Managers By order of the Executive Vice President, next Thursday at 10:30, Haley's Comet will appear over the Company lawn. If it rains, cancel the day's work and report to the auditorium with all employees where we will show films: a phenomenal event which occurs every 75 years.

MEMORANDUM
From: Manager
To: All Department Chiefs
By order of the phenomenal Vice President, at 10:30 next Thursday, Haley's Comet will appear in the auditorium. In case of rain over the Company lawn, the Executive Vice President will give another order, something which occurs only every 75 years.

MEMORANDUM
From: Department Chief
To: Section Chiefs
Next Thursday at 10:30 the Executive Vice President will appear in the auditorium with Haley's Comet, something which occurs every 75 years. If it rains, the Executive Vice President will cancel the comet and order us all out to our phenomenal Company lawn.

MEMORANDUM
From: Section Chief
To: All EA's
When it rains next Thursday at 10:30 over the Company lawn, the phenomenal 75 year old Executive Vice President will cancel all work and appear before all employees in the auditorium accompanied by Bill Haley and his Comets.

(-:][:-)

*Ships Passing*

A rather old minesweeper was cruising a lonely stretch of the South Pacific and was overtaken by a new Australian cruiser.

All the US sailors admired the new ship and the Captain sent a blinker-light message to the Aussies: "You are beautiful."

Less than 10 seconds later, the Aussie ship blinkered back: "I'll bet you say that to all the ships."

(-:][:-)

*Marriage Proposal*

Some teachers at state universities get to know our students fairly well. One instructor told his communications class of his plans to propose marriage.

A student spoke up and said that he had recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as well.

"What was her answer?" the instructor asked.

"I don't know," the student replied. "She hasn't e-mailed me back yet."

(-:][:-)

*Murphy's Laws on Computers*

- As soon as you delete a worthless file, you'll need it.

- Installing a new program will always mess up at least one old one.

- You can't win them all, but you sure can lose them all.

- The likelihood of a hard disk crash is in direct proportion to the value of the material that hasn't been backed up.

- There are only two kinds of computer users: Those whose hard disks have crashed, and those whose hard disks haven't crashed - yet.

- Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it. If you fiddle with something long enough, you'll break it.

(-:][:-)

*Foul Suspicion*

After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one.

A few minutes later the rooster walked in saw all the colored eggs, then stormed outside and killed the peacock.

(-:][:-)

Eye Laugh

"Climbing the Wall"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw352

"Post No Bills"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=154

"Blind Driver"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw351

"Cat Melon"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw350

"Moving Tape"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw349

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/taxingtimes.html
Taxing Times
March 16th, 2007

My husband Mark and I usually prepare our joint tax returns jointly. Being good citizens, we begin early in February with tax planning discussions like this:

Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.

By late March we’ve made impressive progress:

Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.

Our tax planning culminates promptly on April 14 when Mark boots up the computer, loads ShirkoTax, and does whatever it is one does with tax software. While Mark mans the keyboard, my official role is to hover behind him, feed him numbers, and say encouraging things like "Why the heck did you do that?"

I also rummage through sundry IRS publications searching for information that almost certainly could be found in ShirkoTax if only, just this once, Mark would consult "Help" or peruse the "README" file.

"I know what I'm doing," Mark always says reassuringly whenever the program insists on dunning us for tax assessed by some city we've never even flown over. Or when it nostalgically defaults to earnings and deductions from some long forgotten year. Or when it crashes our system, devouring Mark's entire input plus everything I've written in the last six months.

Last year, however, Mark was too busy for such taxing togetherness. So much to my chagrin, I was forced to file solo.

To his credit, Mark tried to bolster my confidence when he begged out of tax duo duty:

Mark: If you can write for computer publications, you should be able to use tax software without my help.
Me: But I don't write informative, high-tech pieces. I write humor.
Mark: That's debatable.

Mark tossed me several pounds worth of IRS instructions which apparently were written in Swahili. Then he left for work, hoping to earn enough money to pay our tax bill.

"Maybe QuickSand's Web site is in English," I muttered to my blank computer screen. So I surfed over to QuickSand.com, clicked on ShirkoTax Highlights, and spotted this heartening headline:

Confused? Bewildered? Horrified by this year's new and improved, economy-sized Taxpayer Relief Act? We have good news. Not for you, but for our Marketing Department. Congress and the IRS have outdone themselves this year. The new rules, regulations, and forms are so complicated, we expect to quadruple sales.
Resisting the temptation to sign off and hire a CPA, I kept reading:
This year's Schedule D (capital gains) is so convoluted even CPAs can't figure it out.
I was this close to a tax panic attack. But I forced myself to keep reading, moving on to another Shirko Tax Highlight which cheerfully explained that the IRA rules are inexplicable. Within seconds I was mired in a dissertation on traditional IRAs, Education IRAs and, my personal favorite, Grapes Of Wrath IRAs. Mercifully, I fell asleep at the keyboard. But my slumber didn't last; I accidentally hit the speaker volume control and was awakened by a blaring Internet Radio ad:
Doing your taxes can be as easy as eating pie.
But only with Quicksand's ShirkoTax.
Otherwise you'll die.
I'd tell you more about last year's tax misadventures, but I'm very pressed for time. I have to run out to buy ShirkoTax -- Super Duper Maxi Office Depot Plus is down to one copy.
Hey, what do you want from me? It's only April 1st.
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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http://www.wiredforbooks.org/ Wired for Books
For many years, most of the best writers of the English language found their way to Don Swaim's CBS Radio studio in New York. The one-on-one interviews typically lasted 30 to 45 minutes and then had to be edited down to a two-minute radio show. Wired for Books is proud to make these important oral documents publicly available for the first time in their entirety. Listen to the voices of many of the greatest writers of the twentieth century.
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http://www.whitehousetapes.org/ WhiteHouseTapes.org: Secret White House Tapes
Between 1940 and 1973, six American presidents from both political parties secretly recorded just under 5,000 hours of conversations. This site is designed as a service to the research community by making freely available all of the presidential recordings, along with relevant research materials, so that scholars, teachers, students, and the public can hear and use these remarkable tapes for themselves. The site is hosted and maintained by the Presidential Recordings Program at the University of Virginia's Miller Center of Public Affairs.
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http://www.ropercenter.uconn.edu/education/polling_fundamentals.html Polling 101: The Basics of Public Opinion Research
This tutorial is intended to offer a simplified glimpse into some of the fundamentals of public opinion polling. Designed for the novice, the site provides definitions, examples, and explanations that serve to introduce interested students to the field of public opinion research. Polls & Surveys: Gallup / Harris / Mason-Dixon / Pew
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http://www.forbes.com/home/billionaires/2007/03/07/billionaires-worlds- Forbes: The World's Billionaires
Forbes magazine annual listing of billionaires. This year, Forbes named 946 billionaires, including 178 newcomers and 17 people who climbed back into the ranks after being absent for a year or more. Two-thirds of last year's billionaires are richer. Only 17% are poorer, including 32 who fell below the billion-dollar mark. The billionaires' combined net worth climbed by $900 billion to $3.5 trillion.
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http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/conlaw/home.html Exploring Constitutional Law
This site explores some of the great issues and controversies that surround our Nation's founding document.
http://www.jimcrowhistory.org/home.htm The History of Jim Crow
Explore the complex African-American experience of segregation from the 1870s through the 1950s.
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http://scholar.google.com/ Google Scholar
Google Scholar provides a simple way to broadly search for scholarly literature. From one place, you can search across many disciplines and sources: peer-reviewed papers, theses, books, abstracts and articles, from academic publishers, professional societies, preprint repositories, universities and other scholarly organizations. Google Scholar helps you identify the most relevant research across the world of scholarly research.
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Dark and best kept secrets about Our Social Security.

Many years ago in Seattle, two wonderful neighbors, Elliott and Patty Roosevelt came to my home to swim on a regular basis. They were a great couple full of laughter and stories that today I continue to marvel at. Both are now deceased, but their stories remain. During the years of our friendship we had many, many discussions about Elliott's parents (President Franklin D. and Eleanor Roosevelt) and how his father and mother never intended for the Social Security and Welfare programs to turn out the way they are today. Elliott used to say that if his parents returned to earth and saw what the politicians had done to their programs they would have burned all of them in hell.
Here is a story I received today regarding the Social Security Program and I immediately thought of Elliott's comments. I Hope you will read this and think about it.
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Franklin Roosevelt, a Democrat, introduced the Social Security (FICA) Program. He promised: 1.) That participation in the Program would be completely voluntary, 2.) That the participants would only have to pay 1% of the first $1,400 of their annual incomes into the Program, 3.) That the money the participants elected to put into the Program would be deductible from their income for tax purposes each year, 4.) That the money the participants put into the independent "Trust Fund" rather than into the General operating fund, and therefore, would only be used to fund the Social Security Retirement Program, and no other Government program, and, 5.) That the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed as income
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Since many of us have paid into FICA for years and are now receiving a Social Security check every month -- and then finding that we are getting taxed on 85% of the money we paid to the Federal government to "put away" -- you may be interested in the following:
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Q: Which Political Party took Social Security from the independent "Trust Fund" and put it into the General fund so that Congress could spend it? A: It was Lyndon Johnson and the democratically controlled House and Senate.
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Q: Which Political Party eliminated the income tax deduction for Social Security (FICA) withholding? A: The Democratic Party.
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Q: Which Political Party started taxing Social Security annuities???? A: The Democratic Party, with Al Gore casting the "tie-breaking" deciding vote as President of the Senate, while he was Vice President of the US.
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Q: Which Political Party decided to start giving annuity payments to immigrants? This is MY FAVORITE: A: That's right! Jimmy Carter! And the Democratic Party of course! Immigrants moved into this country, and at age 65, began to receive Social Security payments! The Democratic Party gave these payments to them, even though they never paid a dime into it! ------------------------------------------------------
Then, after doing all this lying and thieving and violating of the original contract (FICA), the Democrats turn around and tell you that the Republicans want to take your Social Security away! And the worst part about it is uninformed citizens believe it!
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"Spreading His Message"

They were there for breakfast, and they were there to cheer New York Jets running back Curtis Martin. And it was Martin who received the Athletes in Action Bart Starr Award Saturday morning. But the hundreds who gathered in fourth-floor ballroom at the Marriott Renaissance in Detroit , Mich. , on the morning before Super Bowl XL were clearly touched by the featured speaker.

That speaker was Colts Head Coach Tony Dungy.

Two hours into the breakfast, emcee Brent Jones introduced Dungy, who was welcomed with a lengthy standing ovation. Dungy thanked the crowd, shared an anecdote about Martin, then told the crowd he was going to speak for about 15 minutes.

"It's great to be here," Dungy told the crowd, then adding with a laugh, "I just wish I wasn't here in this capacity so many times of being just that close to being in the game and just being an invited speaker. My goal is to have our team here one day and have a couple of tables with all of our guys here. Because we have a special group of young men, a great group of Christian guys. It'd be wonderful to have them here so you could see their hearts and what they're all about."

"It hasn't quite happened yet, but we're still hoping one day it will." He told them he was going to talk about lessons he had learned from his three sons. The crowd fell silent. Then Dungy spoke.

Although this was a breakfast - and although at many such events speakers speak over the clinking of glasses and murmurs from semi-interested listeners - for most of the 15 minutes the room was silent except for Dungy's voice.

He spoke of his middle son, Eric, who he said shares his competitiveness and who is focused on sports "to where it's almost a problem." He spoke of his youngest son, Jordan, who has a rare congenital condition which causes him not to feel pain. "He feels things, but he doesn't get the sensation of pain," Dungy said.

The lessons learned from Jordan , Tony Dungy said, are many. "That sounds like it's good at the beginning, but I promise you it's not," Dungy said. "We've learned a lot about pain in the last five years we've had Jordan . We've learned some hurts are really necessary for kids. Pain is necessary for kids to find out the difference between what's good and what's harmful."

Jordan, Dungy said, loves cookies. "Cookies are good," Dungy said, "but in Jordan 's mind, if they're good out on the plate, they're even better in the oven. He will go right in the oven when my wife's not looking, reach in, take the rack out, take the pan out, burn his hands and eat the cookies and burn his tongue and never feel it. He doesn't know that's bad for him."

Jordan, Dungy said, "has no fear of anything, so we constantly have to watch him." The lesson learned, Dungy said, is simple.

"You get the question all the time, 'Why does the Lord allow pain in your life? Why do bad things happen to good people? If God is a God of love, why does he allow these hurtful things to happen?' Dungy said. "We've learned that a lot of times because of that pain, that little temporary pain, you learn what's harmful. You learn to fear the right things.

"Pain sometimes lets us know we have a condition that needs to be healed. Pain inside sometimes lets us know that spiritually we're not quite right and we need to be healed and that God will send that healing agent right to the spot. "Sometimes, pain is the only way that will turn us as kids back to the Father."

Finally, he spoke of James.

James Dungy, Tony Dungy's oldest son, died three days before Christmas. As he did while delivering James' eulogy in December, Dungy on Saturday spoke of him eloquently and steadily, speaking of lessons learned and of the positives taken from experience.

"It was tough, and it was very, very painful, but as painful as it was, there were some good things that came out of it," Dungy said.

Dungy spoke at the funeral of regretting not hugging James the last time he saw him, on Thanksgiving of last year. "I met a guy the next day after the funeral," Dungy said. "He said, 'I was there. I heard you talking. I took off work today. I called my son. I told him I was taking him to the movies. We're going to spend some time and go to dinner.' That was a real, real blessing to me."

Dungy said he has gotten many letters since James' death relaying similar messages. "People heard what I said and said, 'Hey, you brought me a little closer to my son,' or, 'You brought me a little closer to my daughter,' Dungy said. "That is a tremendous blessing."

Dungy also said some of James' organs were donated through donors programs. "We got a letter back two weeks ago that two people had received his corneas, and now they can see,' Dungy said. "That's been a tremendous blessing."

Dungy also said he received a letter from a girl from the family's church in Tampa . She had known James for many years, Dungy said. She went to the funeral because she knew James.

"When I saw what happened at funeral, and your family and the celebration and how it was handled, that was the first time I realized there had to be a God," Dungy said the girl wrote. "I accepted Christ into my life and my life's been different since that day." Added Dungy, "That was an awesome blessing, so all of those things kind of made me realize what God's love is all about."

Dungy also said he was asked often how he was able to return to the Colts so quickly after James' death. James died on December 22, and Dungy returned to the team one week later. Dungy said the answer was simple. "People asked me, 'How did you recover so quickly?"' Dungy said. "I'm not totally recovered. I don't know that I ever will be. It's still very, very painful, but I was able to come back because of something one of my good Christian friends said to me after the funeral.

"He said, 'You know James accepted Christ into his heart, so you know he's in heaven, right?' I said, 'Right, I know that.' He said, 'So, with all you know about heaven, if you had the power to bring him back now, would you?'

When I thought about it, I said, 'No, I wouldn't. I would not want him back with what I know about heaven.'

"That's what helped me through the grieving process. Because of Christ's spirit in me, I had that confidence that James is there, at peace with the Lord, and I have the peace of mind in the midst of something that's very, very painful. That's my prayer today, that everyone in this room would know the same thing"

Written by John Oehser. "NFL Insider" Posted in February, 2006 at www.colts.com

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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"The Most Influential Supreme Court Decision You've Never Heard Of" by David Michaels
A new article investigates the impact of a Supreme Court decision that's preventing many expert witnesses from testifying in court.
http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2007/03/13/the-most-influential-supreme-court-decision-youve-never-heard-of/
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Purpose of a Dog - from a 4 yr. old

How true...

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -> - like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The four year old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Mouse Story ...

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.

"What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning.

"There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you but it is of no consequence to me.

I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap-- alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife.

The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever.

Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock.

To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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In March, 2005, this song was performed at a Diamond Rio concert. They received an immediate standing ovation, and continue to do so every time they perform it! Sadly, major radio stations wouldn't play it because it was considered politically incorrect. Consequently, the song was never released to the public. If this song speaks to your heart, share it with friends and loved ones. Then let us cease being the silent majority and join together
--
not as a particular political party, but as Americans! this is truly beautiful, ENJOY!

Diamond Rio Song

Thanks to Gary Foreman
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1895 Eighth Grade Final Exam

Remember when our grandparents, great-grandparents, and such stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. - - -

This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, KS, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, KS, and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

8th GRADE FINAL EXAM

Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.
2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no Modifications.
3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.
4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of lie, lay and run
5. Define Case, Illustrate each Case.
6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.
7. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs ., what is it worth at 50 cts/bushel, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000 What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $! 20 per meter?
8 Find bank discount on $300 for! 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance around which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U. S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
1. Give the epochs into which U. S. History is divided.
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you ! can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln , Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, and 1865.

Orthography (Time, one hour)
1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, and syllabication?
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph, sub vocals, diphthong, cognate letters, and linguals?
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u'.
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)
1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America.
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia , Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall & Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which t he water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

Also notice that the exam took five hours to complete.
Gives the saying "she/he only had an 8th grade education" a whole new meaning, doesn't it?
What happened to us? It is kind of humbling, isn't it?

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
March 12, 2007
Today's Message is from Jerry Runk (a Houston Albemarle employee).

Learn from your mistakes!

Nearly all my safety messages involve driving safety. A line of severe thunderstorms was passing through the area on my way to work this morning. It was raining hard enough that there was accumulation on the roads in low spots.

I was taking it easy in the right lane when a pickup passed me on the left. As he approached a traffic light it turned yellow. The driver of the pickup hit his brakes and slid sideways through the intersection. Fortunately, no one was coming through the intersection in the other direction.

The driver of the pickup then took off again even faster than before. I guess he was late or embarrassed or both.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
March 16, 2007
2007 St. Patrick's Day

In 2005, 59 percent of all traffic fatalities that occurred during the evening of St. Patrick’s Day to the early hours of the following morning involved drivers with blood alcohol concentrations (BAC) of .01 and higher. Of those, 89 percent involved a driver with a BAC of .08 or higher. This year, the risk may be even greater since St. Patrick’s Day festivities will take place on a Saturday night.

Driving with a BAC of .08 or higher is illegal in every state, but too many are still not getting the message. According to the FBI’s Uniform Crime Report, more than 1.3 million people were arrested for driving under the influence during 2005.

Drunk driving is simply not worth the risk. Not only do you risk killing yourself or someone else but the trauma and financial costs of a crash or an arrest for driving impaired can be significant. Violators often face jail time, the loss of their driver’s license, higher insurance rates, big attorney fees, unpaid time away from work, and dozens of other expenses.

Join us in reminding everyone, if they plan on using alcohol this St. Patrick’s Day, Designate a Sober Driver Before the Party Begins.

http://trafficsafetymarketing.gov/tools.cfm?tool=National&page=2007%20St%2E%20Patrick%27s%20Day%20Planner
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| Safety from the Heart |
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March 15, 2007
An Accident or A Stupid Act
Today's Message is from Joe Coury (a Houston Albemarle employee).

If a man puts on a blindfold, hops in his car, and speeds down I-45, is the resultant mayhem, destruction, and death an "accident?" Or was it just a stupid act?

Engineers at Chernobyl decided to run a plant test where over 100 safety interlocks were intentionally overridden to see if one nuclear reactor while starting up could use the latent heat of another nuclear reactor shutting down. Was the resultant meltdown, contamination, destruction, and death an "accident?" Or was it just a stupid act?
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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Activities and Events of Interest

Albemarle Employees and Contractors - Steak & Bingo Dinner
Saturday, April 14, Magnolia Junior High School Cafeteria from 6:00–9:00 p.m.
~~~
Saturday, April 21/2007 and Sunday, April 22/2007, Defenders of Liberty Barksdale AFB Air Show. Gates Open at 9:am Special Performances by... F-15E Strike Eagle Demo, U.S. Army Black Daggers, Air Force Reserve’s Ed Hamill, C-17 Globemaster III Demo, Shockwave, Gene Soucy & Teresa Stokes, Wyche Coleman, Bill Stein, C-130, A-10, B-2, F-117, Tora 101, MiG-17
http://www.barksdaleafbairshow.com/index.html
~~~
19th Annual Magnolia Blossom Festival & World Championship Steak Cook-Off
May 18 - May 19, 2007
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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Weekly Toll - - http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne - ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
A partial list of workplace fatalities.

Co-Pilot Lands Flight As Pilot Dies
McALLEN Texas -- The pilot of a Continental Airlines flight became ill after takeoff and was later pronounced dead after the plane made an emergency landing, a company spokeswoman said. The 210 passengers on Saturday's flight, which departed from Houston, were never in danger and the co-pilot landed the plane safely, Continental spokeswoman Macky Osorio said.

Police arrest teen in New Albany businessman's death
NEW ALBANY Miss. -- Hamza Ahmed Basha, 38, was shot this past Thursday at Central Station, his convenience store on Central Avenue off the U.S. 78 bypass. An autopsy confirmed that Basha died from a single shotgun wound to the back of the head.

Brookville man killed in logging accident
Borrkville, PA -- A logger was killed in Jefferson County when the butt end of the tree he was cutting swung around and pinned him against another tree, state police said. Dennis A. Clinger, 41, of Brookville, died at about 9:15 a.m. Wednesday at a logging site in Knox Township.

Dock worker's death ruled accidental
Carroll Township, PA --Blaine Edward Martin Jr., 55, of Donora, died of head injuries, said Coroner S. Timothy Warco, who ruled the death an accident. The body was found on a barge that was docked on the Monongahela River next to a towboat.
Martin's body was found by co-workers after his wife called his employer yesterday morning to say that Martin hadn't returned home from work Wednesday, Warco said.
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Pfc. Alberto Garcia Jr., 23, of Bakersfield, Calif., died Mar. 13 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire and an improvised explosive device. Garcia was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 26th Infantry, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Schweinfurt, Germany.

02. Lance Cpl. Raymond J. Holzhauer, 19, of Dwight, Ill., died March 15 from a non-hostile incident in Al Anbar province, Iraq. His death is currently under investigation.

03. Sgt. Robert M. Carr, 22, of Warren, Ohio, died Mar. 13 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Carr was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 12th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.

04. Spc. Stephen M. Kowalczyk, 32, of San Diego, died Mar. 14 in Muqdadiyah, Iraq, when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire. Kowalczyk was assigned to the 6th Squadron, 9th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

05. Cpl. Brian L. Chevalier, 21, of Athens, Ga., died Mar. 14 in Mufrek, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near him. Chevalier was assigned to the 5th Battalion, 20th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Lewis, Wash.

06. Spc. Adam J. Rosema, 27, of Pasadena, Calif., died Mar. 14 south of Baqubah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle during recovery operations. Rosema was assigned to the 215th Brigade Support Battalion, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

07. Lance Cpl. Steven M. Chavez, 20, of Hondo, N.M., died March 14 from a non-hostile incident in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Chavez’s death is currently under investigation.

08. Lance Cpl.Angel Rosa, 21, of South Portland, Maine, died March 13 from wounds received while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Rosa was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

09. Sgt. 1st Class Douglas C. Stone, 49, of Taylorsville, Utah, died Mar. 11 in Iraq of wounds suffered from a non-combat related incident. His death is under investigation.

10. Sgt. Thomas L. Latham, 23, of Delmar, Md., died March 11 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his Humvee. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 14th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y.

11. Sgt. Daniel E. Woodcock, 25, of Glennallen, Alaska, died Mar. 11, in Ad Dawr, Iraq, of wounds suffered from a building explosion while on combat patrol. Woodcock was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 505th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

12. Lance Cpl. Nathanial D. Windsor, 20, of Scappoose, Ore., died March 13 from wounds received while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Windsor was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.

13. Spc. Jonathan K. Smith, 19, of Atlanta, died Mar. 11 in Baghdad, Iraq, of a non-combat related incident, which is under investigation. Smith was assigned to the 115th Brigade Support Battalion, 1st Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

14. Lance Cpl. Dennis J. Veater, 20, of Jessup, Pa., died March 9 from wounds received while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Veater was assigned to Marine Forces Reserve’s Marine Wing Support Squadron 472, Marine Wing Support Group 47, 4th Marine Aircraft Wing, Wyoming, Pa.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
~~~
MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Prov 16:21-24 Ezek 34:14-17 Mark 5:15-20 Luke 14:26-28 Mat 24:4-8 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the "Blog" version just go to one of the several addresses on the web. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleat_q__.blogspot.com, where _ is the quarter (1, 2, 3, or 4) and __ is the year (05, 06, or 07). We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2007 before it was sent.
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Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Dear Bank Manager - - Photos

  This is the house we lived in when I was four. I snapped this as they were moving the house out of Taylor.
  Annette admires Vanessa's interior decorating.
  Annette and I on Holiday.
  A scene on the Boardwalk in Bossier City

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Dear Bank Manager

Volume 9, Issue 10 Friday, March 09, 2007

Hello All,

We’re back again. The last delay was due to our “trial” version of MS office expiring. I didn’t realize my new Dell came with a “trial” version until Word refused to let me edit a document.
Oh well.
I bought a copy of Office 2007 and we’re back in business.
~~~~~
Addie Clair Mayfield was born Monday evening, March 5, 2007 @ 6:44 pm. She weighed 8lb, 4 oz. and was 21" long. Big brother is Aiden and proud parents are Shane & Amber Mayfield!!
Proud grandparents are Buddy and Brenda Kyle!!
~~~~~
Our sympathy is extended to Jim Hall's family in the death of Kathy's father. Funeral services for Jewell Duncan were held at the Forest Grove Church in Walker's Creek.
~~~~~
Please Pray for our friend Keith Murphy
~~~~~
That lone little candle is still shining

So, when you think of Amsterdam, do you think of the Red Light District and so-called "coffee shops" where the smell of marijuana floats into the street? That sort of thing does exist, but it's not all over Amsterdam. Not only is it confined so a single area of the city, there is a building at the edge of the Red Light District (I tried to take a picture, didn't come out well) that has in both Dutch and English the words "JESUS LOVES YOU" in large letters at the top of the building. I also saw, on the beach at Sheveningen (in The Hague) a small shop with "The Bible is the Word of God" (in Dutch) as it's sign over the door.

Holland (and especially Amsterdam) may have an image as a loose and wild place, but all the darkness of the world has not snuffed out the candle of The Light.

Thanks to Joe Tudor
~~~~~
Michael Yon is still covering the war in Iraq. http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wp/meanwhile.htm
~~~~~
If you’ve seen the movie “Amazing Grace” we recommend the following two books:

Eric Metaxas is the author of Amazing Grace: William Wilberforce and the Heroic Campaign to End Slavery, published by HarperCollins. William Wilberforce (1759-1833) was one of the leading abolitionists in the campaign to end the British slave trade, which was accomplished in 1807, and to end slavery in the British colonies, which was enacted three days before Wilberforce's death in 1833. The book was published to coincide with the 200th anniversary of the abolition of the British slave trade, and a feature film version was released that weekend.

David Batstone is the author of Not for Sale: The Return of the Global Slave Trade--and How We Can Fight It, published by HarperSanFrancisco. In his book Professor Batstone explores today's global slave trade and the contemporary abolitionist movement. Mr. Batstone visited over five continents as he researched the hidden network of human trafficking that amounts to a 32 billion dollar industry. The author gave his ideas on how to fight the slave trade.

We also recommend them even if you haven’t seen the movie.
~~~~~
WE NEVER FORGET! Since shortly after we invaded Iraq, we've been listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. We do this as a memorial to the sacrifice of our soldiers. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/
This week we’re adding the “Weekly Toll” - - http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/ A Blog concerned with Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates. It just seems to fit with our belief that, as John Donne said; “...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.” Each week we’ll be posting a partial list of workplace fatalities. Unlike the list of our soldier’s killed, there are far too many workplace fatalities to list them all here.
~~~~~
Bridges Auto has made our life better for the last 30 years. I'm no mechanic and had repeatedly suffered at the hands of less competent or dishonest mechanics. Then we discovered Jackie Bridges.
When we were less affluent, Jackie would find used parts for us (like a battery for $5.) As our financial situation improved (and the quality of our vehicles) Jackie started using new parts.
In any case, his repairs are always reasonable (to say the least) and quick. Usually, we can drop the vehicle off with a note taped to the steering wheel and it will be ready for us the next afternoon.
Small items (like a busted tail light) he fixes on the spot.
My wife had a problem with her Yukon and had it in the dealer several times. We eventually gave up on getting a satisfactory fix. One day she drove out to Bridges to pick me up and, while there, asked Jackie's son Ricky to looks at why her dash lights constantly flickered on and off. In less than five minutes he found a loose ground wire, tightened it and "Viola" no more flickering lights.
He didn't even charge for that.
I have a GMC truck and asked Jackie about the problems I'd heard with fuel pumps on these vehicles. He told me not to worry. Some failed and some didn't.
I asked him what I should do if I was on a trip and it did fail. He said "Call me and I'll come get you and fix it then."
I encourage you to try Bridges, you'll like them.
~~~~~
The 38th Annual GMA Music Awards, also known as the Dove Awards, April 25, 2007 at the Grand Ole Opry House, Nashville, TN.
Ryan Riggins band, "Pocket Full Of Rocks" [http://www.myspace.com/pocketfullofrocks] has been nominated for 2 Doves;
New Artist of the year
Worship Album of the year
~~~~~
The photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include Annette and I on Holiday and a street scene from the Bossier City “BoardWalk” shopping area.
~~~~~
Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - We’re sharing recipes from Food Network
Yellow Pepper Soup From Food Network Kitchens


1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
2 large yellow peppers, stemmed, seeded, and cut in large chunks
2 large leeks, (white part only), halved lengthwise, sliced crosswise, well rinsed
1 garlic clove, smashed
1 tablespoon kosher salt, plus extra for seasoning
1/4 teaspoon ground turmeric
3 sprigs fresh flat-leaf parsley
3 sprigs fresh thyme
1 bay leaf
2 medium russet potatoes, (about 1 pound) peeled, cut into chunks
4 cups water
1 tablespoon dry white vermouth
Freshly ground black pepper


Heat the olive oil in a large saucepan over medium-low heat. Add the peppers, leek, garlic, salt and turmeric, and cook, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables begin to soften, about 10 minutes.
Tie the parsley, thyme, and bay leaf together with kitchen twine. Add the potato, water, and herb bundle and bring to a boil, reduce the heat, and simmer, uncovered, until the potato is very tender, about 20 minutes.

Discard the herb bundle. Puree the soup in small batches in a blender (keep the lid cracked to allow steam to escape), or in the pot with an immersion blender, until smooth. Return to the pot and reheat. Stir in the vermouth, and season, to taste, with salt and pepper. Serve warm.

Nutrition Information

Nutritional Analysis per serving Calories 97
Fat 3 grams Saturated Fat 0.5 grams
Carbohydrates 16 grams Fiber 2 grams
Protein 2 grams


Recipe Summary

Difficulty: Easy
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 35 minutes
Yield: 6 servings


Copyright 2005 Television Food Network, G.P. All rights reserved.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_30056,00.html
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

For the Sake of the Planet?
Anti-Natalism in America

Joan Blades describes herself as, among other things, a “nature lover” and a “mother.” She is also a co-founder of the liberal activist group MoveOn.org and a regular contributor to the liberal blog The Huffington Post.

In a recent post, Blades wrote about an article she read in her local paper. It described a group that supports the kind of measures Blades expected liberals like Huffington Post readers to support: health care for children, “fair wages,” and flexible work schedules for moms.

What Blades found surprising were some of the comments that came into the paper’s website. One person “reasoned” that if he has to pay $25 for a dog license, why should parents expect help when they “choose” to have kids. Another commenter simply wrote, “Can’t feed ’em, don’t breed ’em.”

Of course, this is the Internet we’re talking about. Still, Blades felt compelled to refute the erroneous assumption underlying those comments, that “choosing to have a child is purely an individual act” and not “a contribution to society as a whole.”

Their response to Blades’s response was—what else?—more of the same. A “chunk of the replies” objected “to contributing to the wellbeing of children” because they did not want to “reward or encourage” “indiscriminate breeders.”

To be fair, many of the replies were supportive of Blades’s views. Still, there were enough people using terms like breed and critters, terms normally associated with animals, to prompt Blades to write another article.

This anti-natalism is not limited to liberals. A few years ago, at a dinner I attended, a conservative Christian advocated sterilizing poor women as a solution to welfare dependency. And today, leading immigration-reform groups have links to zero-population growth advocates.

The divide is not between Republican and Democrats or liberals and conservatives—it’s between those who regard children as a blessing and those who view them as, at best, a burden.

While Blades is right when she says that plain selfishness accounts for some of the hostility to families with children, there is something else at work here as well. As Catholic writer Erin Manning says, the belief that growth in human population should be controlled is “an important tenet of mainstream environmentalism.”

Environmentalists agree that “there are too many people on the earth,” and that repairing environmental damage requires “aggressive measures to limit and restrict human population.”

In contrast to the Christian idea of stewardship, which “wishes to conserve and protect the natural resources of the planet for the sake of future generations,” this viewpoint “wishes to eliminate future generations for the sake of the planet.”

This is only one example of the cultural message today driven home to Americans: that is, that large, or even medium-sized, families are an impediment to the good life. Even if the kids are not yours, their existence will have a negative impact on you—whether it’s higher taxes or global warming.

Blades was rightly disturbed by the sentiments expressed, but she should not have been surprised—not in a culture where being a “nature lover” and a “mom” is viewed as a contradiction in terms.

This is part three in a three-part series.

How Now Shall We Live? Devotional by Charles Colson with Anne Morse.

Christopher Hayes, “Keeping America Empty,” In These Times, 24 April 2006.

Joan Blades, “Should Society Support Mothers Raising Children?” Huffington Post, 14 December 2006.

Joan Blades, “Indiscriminate Breeders!?!” Huffington Post, 19 December 2006.

Rod Dreher, “On Christian Environmentalism,” Crunchy Con blog, 5 March 2007.

Anne Morse, “Want to Save the Environment? Have a Baby!” BreakPoint WorldView, September 2005.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 070307, “Busting on One: The Dark Side of Population Control.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 070308, “Living on Borrowed Time: Iran’s Demographic Crisis.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 000417, “A Penny for Your . . . Ovaries?: The Selling of Fertility.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 030115, “Where ‘Choice’ Ends: Peru and the War against Life.”

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
~~~~~
Words of the Week:

sagacious: of keen penetration and judgment; wise.
galumph: to move in a clumsy manner or with a heavy tread.
indefatigable: untiring.
collegial: characterized by or having authority vested equally among colleagues.
malapropism: the usually unintentionally humorous misuse of a word, especially by confusion with one of similar sound; also, an example of such misuse.
coterminous: of equal extent or duration.
effete: infertile; also, worn out; also, decadent, effeminate.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"Write with nouns and verbs, not with adjectives and adverbs. The adjective hasn't been built that can pull a weak or inaccurate noun out of a tight place." - William Strunk

"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." - Mark Twain

"The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude." - Aldous Huxley

"Some people strengthen the society just by being the kind of people they are." - John W. Gardner

"The important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as to discover new ways of thinking about them." - Sir William Bragg

"A good reputation is more valuable than money." - Publilius Syrus
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

# God's Handiwork: Beautiful Saturn—Stunning Photos and Video from the Cassini-Huygens Mission
# One Woman's Vision for Uniting Believers to "Ascend in Worship" for the Blessing of the Country and Protection of the Troops
# Franklin Graham Defends Missions in Africa against Secular Critics Who See Growing African Church

# Israeli Monument Depicting David's Victory Over Goliath Gets Approval
# Grace Ministries Sees Evangelism and Thanksgiving Flow out of Tragic Flooding in Bolivia
# New Fully Enclosed Hybrid Motorcycle Car to Hit Market Soon

# French Scientist—Among First to Sound the Alarm on Global Warming—Changes His Mind, and His Position
# Women Testify at United Nations of the Pain and Destruction Abortion Has Caused Them
# Voices from Slavery book Gives Personal Accounts of Four Africans Sold into British Slavery in 18th Century
# Members of Congress Inspired by Amazing Grace

# Signs of the Times? Modern-Day Sanhedrin Plans to Revive Temple Sacrifice on Passover Eve
# 1,400 Gather in Portland, Oregon, to Support Israel
# Poland's Deputy Prime Minister Calls for Immediate EU Ban on Abortion and "Discussion of Christian Foundation of Morality that Sustains Europe"
# Tory Leader Calls for Full Support of Traditional Marriage in UK

# Iranian Imam Receives Christ Via Satellite TV, Escapes Country
# Florida Artist Writes and Produces Benefit Music Video to Honor Women Serving in Iraq
# Victory for Parental Rights in Colorado
# Prayer Alert: Students Suspended for Praying in High School before Classes Began

# Devoted Afghan "Rambo" Lays His Life Down Daily for American Soldiers in Kabul
# Colorado Woman Emerges from Coma After 6 Years, Later, Returns to Unconsciousness
# Cross to Stay at William and Mary Chapel
# Missionary Who Fought Terrorists Off in South African Church Massacre Attempt Says Christians Have a Duty to Protect Innocents

# Over 20,000 Christian Teens Converge on San Francisco this Weekend in BattleCry 2007
# Thousands Rally in North Carolina in Defense of Marriage Bill
# Archaeologists Find Remains of Natives and Puritans in Preacher's Cave
# The Ultimate Gift an Inspiring Journey

Breaking Christian News
310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
541-928-2642
E-mail
US Orders: 1-866-358-7426

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GCF: Dear Bank Manager

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Ellen) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. SUBSCRIBE and UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus before it was sent.
--------------------------------------

Dear Bank Manager,

l am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account with $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to re-think my errant financial ways.

You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness. No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 1999, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater compliment, and I know you will be excited and proud to hear it. To this end, please be advised about the following changes.

First, I have noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you I am confronted by the impersonal, ever-changing, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh and blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee of your branch, whom you must nominate. You will be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Justice of the Peace, and that the mandatory details of his/her financial situation ( income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in all dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further by introducing you to my new telephone system, which you will notice, is very much like yours. My Authorized Contact at your bank, the only person with whom I will have any dealings, may call me at any time and will be answered by an automated voice. By pressing Buttons on the phone, he/she will be guided thorough an extensive set of menus:

1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing repayment.
3. To make a general complaint or inquiry.
4. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there; Extension of living room to be communicated at the time the call is received.
5. To transfer the call to my bed room case I am still sleeping. Extension of bed room to be communicated at the time the call is received.
6. To transfer the call to my bath room in case I am attending to nature. Extension of toilet to be communicated at the time the call is received.
7. To transfer the call to my mobile phone in case I am not at home. 8. To leave a message on my computer. To leave a message a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated at a later date to the contact.
9. To return to the main menu and listen carefully to options 1 through 8. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may on occasion involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration. This month I've chosen a refrain from The Best Of Woody Guthrie:

Oh, the banks are made of marble
With a guard at every door
And the vaults are filled with silver
That the miners sweated for

After twenty minutes of that, our mutual contact will probably know it by heart.

On a more serious note, we come to the matter of cost. As your bank has often pointed out, the ongoing drive for greater efficiency comes at a cost - a cost which you have always been quick to pass on to me. Let me repay your kindness by passing some costs back.

First, there is the matter of advertising material you send me. This I will read for a fee of $20 per page. Inquiries from your nominated contact will be billed at $5 per minute of my time spent in response. Any debits to my account, as, for example, in the matter of the penalty for the dishonored check, will be passed back to you.

My new phone service runs at 75 cents a minute (even Woody Guthrie doesn't come for free), so you would be well advised to keep your inquiries brief and to the point.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever-so-slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your humble client.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Name the States

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Michael) -Tom
--------------------------------------

The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad snickered, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13"....
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Getting Forgetful

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Andrew) -Tom
--------------------------------------

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient.

"You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it's actually worse than that. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Fairway Drive

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom
--------------------------------------

Mark drove his second shot from the fairway, not thinking he'd reach the green being a par 5 and out over 200 yards. The ball did land on the green & almost hit a fellow who was just finishing his putt. Mark went up to apologize and to explain, but the man was irate, yelling & screaming.

The man charged at Mark swinging his putter.

Mark who still had his 3 wood in hand, started swinging back at the man.

When the ambulance and police arrived they took Mark into custody, and asked him how many times he hit the man. Mark replied, "Well I hit him eight times but you can put me down for five."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Accents

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Herman) -Tom
--------------------------------------

About a year ago my sister, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up.

"They think we have an accent," she replied.

"But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk funny?"

"Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out."

His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A ton of regret never \ /
\ _/ made an ounce of difference. \_ /
/ / \ \

(((\ \>|_/ )____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ I am a nutritional overachiever. \_ /
/ / \ \

(((\ \>|_/ )____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I like long walks, \ /
\ _/ especially when they are \_ /
/ / taken by people who annoy me. \ \


(((\ \>|_/ )____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If Bill Gates had a dime for \ /
\ _/ every time Windows crashed ... \_ /
/ / Oh, wait a minute, he already does. \ \

(((\ \>|_/ )____________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / Always take time to stop \ \_/ ////
\ / and smell the roses. \ /
\ _/ Sooner or later, \_ /
/ / you'll inhale a bee. \ \

_ ____________________________ _
| Thomas S. Ellsworth |
| tellswor@slonet.org |
| http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor |
|___________________________|
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Pickpocket

Donation Drive (-1 days left)
Do you enjoy GCFL? If so, please consider a small donation to help keep things running. Please visit http://www.gcfl.net/donate.php for details.

A pickpocket was appearing in court for a series of petty crimes. "Mr. Brewster," the judge said, "you are hereby found guilty and fined the sum of $150."

After consulting with his client, Mr. Brewster's lawyer stood up and said, "Your Honor, my client is a little short at this time. He has only $125 in his pocket, but if you would allow him a few minutes in the crowd..."

Received from Colorado Comments.
(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Community Paper

Glenelg, Maryland, is such a small community, I was surprised that they had a community paper. I asked one old-timer about it.

He replied, "We all know what everybody else is doing, but we like to read the paper anyway to see who's been caught at it."

Received from Pastor Tim.
(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Animal Crackers

When a mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for, and then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter.

"What are you doing?" his mom asked.

"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

Received from Stan Kegel.
(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Catholic Neighbors

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic, and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating red meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass. The priest sprinkled holy water over him and said, "You were born a Baptist and raised as a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors.

As the priest rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water, which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat while chanting, "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you are a catfish."

Received from KKBH1.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Expensive Psychiatrist

A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams. "Every night," the man said, "I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me."

"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure you of this problem. But the treatment will cost you somewhere between twenty-five and thirty thousand dollars."

"Thirty thousand dollars!" the man gasped. "Never mind getting rid of the monsters, Doctor. I think I'll go home and try to make friends with them!"

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
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**NO** PARENT** **LEFT** **BEHIND....

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in an ALABAMA school district. Spellings have been left intact.

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2 Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and I had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being ****absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.**
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe the shits. **
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
13. Irvingwas absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.
17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.
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Sad news... Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads it.

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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THE POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE:
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include
a free trip around the sun every year.

How long a minute is
depends on what side of the
bathroom door you're on.


Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have,
the longer you live.

Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open.

Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?

Most of us go to our grave
with our music still inside of us.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day,
how come nothing is free yet?

You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day, and
know that someone
who thinks you're great
has thought about you today!..

"And that person was me.".....
Please don't keep this message
to yourself.....send it to those
who mean so much to you... "NOW"..

Working for God on earth does not pay much,
but His retirement plan is out of this world!

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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I think this is just what we need in Iraq. Pass it on!!!!

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) These Alabama boys will be dropped off into Iraq and will been given only the following facts about terrorists: 1. The season opened today. 2. There is no limit. 3. They taste just like chicken. 4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus. 5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by next Friday.

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Killer Bisquits

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego , was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. Linda is a blonde and a Democrat, but I'm certain that's irrelevant.

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

*Grandma and God*

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"

I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"

"You're both old," he replied.

(-:][:-)

*Mental Test*

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering of humor editors, and his host naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," he asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'"

The editor thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

(-:][:-)

*Newlywed Repairs*

A man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Oh, just forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, I know. And it's lucky you have!" said the woman, drying her eyes. "I was able to use a piece from them to patch the hole!"

(-:][:-)

*Enjoyment of Food*

Old Abraham was a poor tailor whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Abraham would go out the back of his shop and eat his black bread and herring while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen.

But one day, Abraham was surprised to receive an invoice from the restaurant for 'enjoyment of food'. So he went to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought anything from them.

The manager said, "You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it."

Abraham refused to pay and the restaurant sued him. At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case.

The manager said, "Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it."

The judge turns to Abraham and said, "What do you have to say to that?"

Abraham didn't say anything but stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside.

The judge asked him, "What is the meaning of that?"

Abraham replied, "I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money."

(-:][:-)

*Eat This Up*

Several American nurses were training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. These nurses had little money for meals, so they ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex, and sometimes kindly visitors would give them some of the treats they had brought for patients who had not wanted to eat them.

One night a woman brought a pie to the kitchen and said to one of the nurses, "Would you eat this up, love?" So she and another American student nurse devoured every delicious crumb!

Soon the woman returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?"

(-:][:-)

Eye Laugh

"Recycle"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw344

"Cat Congeniality"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=146

"Bus Rod"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw338

"Jumbo Sized"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw340

"Snow Proof"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw338

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/2006/11/13/how-to-become-an-insomniac/ - - How To Become An Insomniac

Becoming an insomniac isn’t as easy as it might appear. But with the help of these guidelines, dark circles and a cranky disposition will soon be yours.

1. Be born into a family of worriers. (Certain ethnic groups have the advantage here, but won’t be identified for obvious reasons.)

2. During your infancy, become accustomed to dozing in serene silence, a state you will never encounter as an adult.

3. Have parents so desperate for peace and quiet, that they routinely send you to bed hours before you feel even a hint of fatigue. This will allow you to develop helpful habits like gazing at the ceiling, counting sheep, and plotting revenge.

4. Cultivate your neuroses. A dedicated would-be insomniac will work on this throughout the day. But if time is limited, performing any of these activities right before bedtime should do the trick:

a. Review local crime statistics.

b. Read your favorite medical journal.

c. Phone a friend who just had major surgery.

d. Think about your boss.

e. Argue with your spouse.

f. Pay bills in bed.

g. Watch some Stephen King.

5. Rent an apartment with walls the consistency of cardboard. If you select your building with care, even a whisper will hold sleep at bay.

6. Reside on a busy street populated by pricey, alarm-protected cars. Preferably within blocks of a firehouse. Seek out colorful neighbors, such as unemployed rock musicians.

7. Always eat your main meal as late as possible. Be sure it includes lots of garlic, spice, and food that repeats.

8. Avoid decaf and drink vast quantities of fluid shortly before retiring. Intestinal irritants such as coffee, wine, and colas are best. Anything but milk will do.

9. Do aerobic exercise right before bed. Tone those muscles. Work that heart. And whatever you do, don't forget to warm up. Simply clutch your hands to your chest and inhale in sharp, shallow gasps.

10. Turn in at a different hour every night. Sleep until noon on Sundays. Have fun with your internal clock.

11. Acquire a spouse and/or dog who snores.

12. Be sure to have several children. Infants and teens are best.

13. Keep your bedside radio tuned to the loudest talk show host you can find. Preferably one with whom you always disagree. Spend hours trying to call him and vent your spleen. If you have a teenager, pick a station that runs public service ads about drunken drivers and drug-induced deaths.

14. Install a telephone by your bed. You wouldn't want to miss those three a.m. callers who don't know how to dial.

I could probably come up with some other helpful tips but, frankly, I'm not in the mood.

I have to get some sleep.
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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http://www.ebird.org/content/ eBird
eBird, a project developed by the Cornell Lab of Ornithology and the National Audubon Society, provides a simple way for you to keep track of the birds you see anywhere in North America. You can retrieve information on your bird observations, from your backyard to your neighborhood to your favorite bird-watching locations, at any time for your personal use
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http://www.oldlondonbridge.com/history.shtml The History of the London Bridge
Welcome to the history of London Bridge section which tells the story of all the bridges that have been known as London Bridge over the past 2000 years. From here you can explore its history in three different ways by clicking on the choices provided.
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http://edsitement.neh.gov/ EDSITEment: The Best of the Humanities on the Web
Welcome to EDSITEment, The Best of the Humanities on the Web from the National Endowment for the Humanities in partnership with the National Trust for the Humanities, and the MCI Foundation. This educational partnership brings online humanities resources from some of the world's great museums, libraries, cultural institutions, and universities directly to your classroom.
http://www.mozartforum.com/ The Mozart Forum
This free educational site is dedicated to the discussion of the music, person, and world of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
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http://www.senate.gov/pagelayout/reference/b_three_sections_with_teasers/virtual.htm U.S. Senate: Virtual Reference Desk
Welcome to the Virtual Reference Desk. If you are seeking general information on the Senate, the legislative branch and process, or on the federal government, this is a good place to begin. Links are arranged broadly by subject and may take you to PDF documents, useful sources on the Web, or other Senate Web pages.
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http://plato.stanford.edu/contents.html Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy
Welcome to the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, which was designed from its inception (September 1995) as a dynamic reference work. In a dynamic reference work, each entry is maintained and kept up to date by an expert or group of experts in the field. All entries and updates are refereed by the members of a distinguished Editorial Board before they are made public.
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http://photoswest.org/ Western History: The Photography Collection
This on-line database contains a selection of historic photographs from the collections of the Denver Public Library Western History/Genealogy Department and the Colorado Historical Society. These collections, which contain more than one million items, document the history of Colorado and the American West. Our on-line database contains some 100,000 images and catalog records of North American Indians, pioneers, railroads, mining, Denver and Colorado towns, city, farm, and ranch life, recreation, scenery, news events, and numerous other subjects and states.
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--DON 'T CHEAT AND LOOK AT THE BOTTOM FOR THE ANSWERS!!!

History Exam...
Everyone over 40 should have a pretty easy time at this exam.
If you are under 40 you can claim a handicap.

This is a History Exam for those who don't mind seeing how much they really remember about what went on in their life. Get paper and pencil and number from 1 to 20.

NUMBER 1-20, Write the letter of each answer and score at the end.
Then, best of all, before you pass this test on, put your score in the subject line, send to friends AND HAVE FUN!!!!

1. In the 1940's, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located?
a. On the floor shift knob
b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch
c. Next to the horn

2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used?
a. Capture lightning bugs
b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing
c. Large salt shaker

3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?
a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk
b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled
c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top.

4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?
a. Blackjack
b. Gin
c. Craps!

5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during W.W.II
a. Suntan
b. Leg painting
c. Wearing slacks

6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going?
a. Studebaker
b. Nash Metro
c. Tucker

7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?
a. Strips of dried peanut butter
b. Chocolate licorice bars
c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside

8. How was Butch wax used?
a. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up
b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing
c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust

9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes?
a With clamps, tightened by a skate key
b. Woven straps that crossed the foot
c. Long pieces of twine

10. As a kid, what was considered the! best way! to reach a decision?
a. Consider all the facts
b. Ask Mom
c. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo

11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940's & 50's
a. Smallpox
b. AIDS
c. Polio

12. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey"
a. SUV
b. Taxi
c. Streetcar

13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony?
a. Old Blue
b. Paint
c. Macaroni

14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?
a. Part of the game of hide and seek
b What you did when your Mom called you in to do chores
c. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.

15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show?
a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
b. Princess Sacagawea
c. Princess Moonshadow

16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school?
a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high
b. Made paper airplane s to see who could sail theirs out the window
c. Wrote another pupil' s name on the top, to avoid their failure

17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?
a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum
b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items
c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos

18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________?
a Meatballs
b. Dames
c. Ammunition

19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song "Cabdriver" a hit?
a. The Ink Spots
b. The Supremes
c. The Esquires

20. Who left his heart in San Francisco ?
a. Tony Bennett
b. Xavier Cugat
c. George Gershwin
----------------------------------------------------

ANSWERS

1. b) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe , took till the late '60's to catch on.

2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron?

3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top.

4. a) Blackjack Gum.

5. b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil.

6. a) 1946 Studebaker.

7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water.

8 a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut.

9. a) With clamps , tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your neck.

10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.

11. c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies and other public gathering places were closed to try to prevent spread of the disease.

12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight!

13. c) Macaroni.

14. c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.

15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet.

16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high.

17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household items at the Green Stamp store.

18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free.

19. a) The widely famous 50's group: The Inkspots.

20. a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today..

SCORING

17- 20 correct: You are older than dirt, and obviously gifted with mental abilities. Now if you could only find your glasses. Definitely someone who should share your wisdom!

12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but you're getting there.

0 -11 correct: You are not old enough to share the wisdom of your experiences.

Thanks to Larry Barnes
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Mark Pryor - United States Senator of Arkansas
Government can and should be a better partner when it comes to standing up for families. That’s why, over the past few weeks, I’ve introduced several initiatives designed to empower parents and consumers.
Protecting Kids from Indecency on TV: I worry about the inappropriate content kids view on television, hear on the radio or come across on the Internet. While Jill and I make it a point to supervise Adams and Porter closely, we can’t watch over their shoulder every minute of every day. I know we’re not alone, which is why I introduced the Child Safe Viewing Act . This bill requires the Federal Communications Commission to provide parents with more effective technology to filter inappropriate material on television. There is a new generation of options available that are so advanced they can filter inappropriate scenes and language, even when they are live.
Senator Pryor looks on while members of the Boys and Girls Club use computers as part of their after-school program Cleaning Up the Internet: I’m also working to clean up the Internet for kids. For too long, government has turned a blind eye to online pornography, which has allowed this industry to expand. I wish the solution to protecting kids on the Internet was as easy as shutting every one of these sites down, but it’s not. In the next few weeks, I plan to introduce the Cyber Safety for Kids Act as part of a multifaceted approach to combating online pornography. My bill will require adult sites to provide secure log-ins requiring age identification, clean home pages and the ability to be blocked through filtering technology. I am also directing the Department of Commerce to study the effectiveness and feasibility of a specific domain for child-safe content only and adult content only.
Preventing Identity Theft: I introduced the Consumer Identity Protection and Security Act to allow consumers to place a “security freeze” on their financial information. This option offers the single, most effective solution to help consumers protect themselves from becoming an identity theft victim. It prevents unauthorized companies or potential thieves from viewing another’s credit data without permission or from opening credit accounts in their victims’ names Consumers would have the option of lifting the freeze in advance of applying for new credit.
Protecting Phone Records: We must crack down on online information “brokers” who often sell names and addresses connected to cell phone numbers, in addition to complete records of outgoing and incoming calls. Aside from nosy individuals, there are abusive spouses, business rivals and stalkers who can cause a lot of harm with this information. That’s why I introduced the Consumer Phone Record Security Act . Specifically, the bill bans any person from obtaining another person’s private phone information, requires phone service providers to better protect customer information and it creates strong enforcement mechanisms.
Keeping the Peace:The national Do-Not-Call Registry has provided consumers a necessary break from telemarketers, but the FTC’s authority to cover the cost of this program is set to expire this year. I’m fighting to keep the program effective and free for consumers and have introduced the Do-Not-Call Reauthorization Act that would allow the FTC to continue to collect fees from telemarketing companies to operate the registry.
Reducing Car Accidents on Kids: In 2005, 203,000 kids were injured in car accidents. As Chairman of the Consumer Affairs Subcommittee, I held my first Subcommittee hearing in the 110th Congress this week to discuss this problem and discover how we can better protect children. Stay tuned as I further research the adequacy of child restraint systems and how to prevent vehicle backover accidents.
Improving Fuel Economy: This week, I chaired the Senate Commerce Committee’s first hearing on improving the fuel economy standards in our cars. The right solution will allow our country to reduce our dependence on foreign oil, reduce gas costs for consumers and protect the environment. I am confident we can achieve these goals without undermining U.S. manufacturing jobs and vehicle safety.
These are just a few of the priorities I’ve been working on this year. I welcome your comments on these issues and your ideas on how to make our communities stronger for the future. Please contact me by phone, letter, or email me through my website at http://www.pryor.senate.gov/. Please note that I can only receive emails through my website, and not by responding directly to this email.

Offices
Arkansas Office, The River Market, 500 Clinton Ave, Suite 401, Little Rock, AR 72201, Phone: (501) 324-6336, Fax: (501) 324-5320

Washington, D.C. Office, 257 Dirksen, Senate Office, Building, Washington, D.C. 20510, Phone: (202) 224-2353, Fax: (202) 228-0908
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Hello all,
I am sending this website of this precious little boy who is about 2 months old and has leukemia. He is from Shreveport and his aunt works for Agape Hospice, the same company I work for. His family and him need our prayers, so please send this to all your prayer warrior friends. Please go to his his website and look at the pics, videos, and the updates, then say a great big prayer and send them a message of encouragement, then send on to everyone in your address book.

Thanks so much!!!! Love you all!!!!
Julie Morris

EthanPowell.com - - prayerforethan@yahoo.com
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HERE IS SOMETHING TO PONDER FOR ALL OUR YOUNG AND "OLDER" FRIENDS AND FAMILY~~~IT IS ALL SO TRUE! An excellent read.
Reflection.. And Then Its Winter........

REFLECTIONS
You know, time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all...
And I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams... But, here it is..the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...
How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my babies go? And where did my youth go?

I remember well... seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like...
But, here it is...wife retired and she's really getting gray...she moves slower and I see an older woman now. She's in better shape than me... but, I see the great change... Not the one I married who was young and vibrant... but, like me, her age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore...it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will...I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so, now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things.

But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...This I know, that when it's over...its over....Yes , I have regrets .There are things I wish I hadn't done ,,,,,things I should have done. But indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done Its all in a lifetime.. .

So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly!

Life goes by quickly So, do what you can today, because you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not!

You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for good today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...

"Life is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who came after. Make it a fantastic one."

LIVE IT WELL!!

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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This is sure an eye opener!!!!
HARSH YOU SAY??
1. There will be no special bilingual programs in the schools, no special ballots for elections, and all government business will be conducted in our language.
2. Foreigners will NOT have the right to vote, no matter how long they are here.
3. Foreigners will NEVER be able to hold political office.
4. Foreigners will not be a burden to the taxpayers. No welfare, no food stamps, no health care, nor any other government assistance programs.
5. Foreigners can invest in this country, but it must be an amount equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage.
6. If foreigners do come and want to buy land that will be okay, BUT options will be restricted. You are not allowed to own waterfront property. That property is reserved for citizens naturally born into this country.
7. Foreigners may not protest; no demonstrations, no waving a foreign flag, no political organizing, no "bad-mouthing" our president or his policies. If you do you will be sent home.
8. If you do come to this country illegally, you will be hunted down and sent straight to jail.
Harsh, you say ?...
The above laws happen to be the immigration laws of " MEXICO " !

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Can a good Muslim be a good American? .

This question was forwarded to a friend who worked in Saudi Arabia for 20 years. The following is his reply:

Theologically - no. . . . Because his allegiance is to Allah, The moon God of Arabia.

Religiously - no. . . . Because no other religion is accepted by His Allah except Islam (Quran, 2:256) (Koran)

Scripturally - no. . . Because his allegiance is to the five Pillars of Islam and the Quran.

Geographically - no. . . . Because his allegiance is to Mecca, to which he turns in prayer five times a day.

Socially - no. . . Because his allegiance to Islam forbids him To make friends with Christians or Jews.

Politically - no. . . Because he must submit to the mullahs (spiritual leaders), who teach annihilation of Israel and destruction of America, the great Satan.

Domestically - no. . . . Because he is instructed to marry four Women and beat and scourge his wife when she disobeys him (Quran 4:34 ).

Intellectually - no. . . . Because he cannot accept the American Constitution since it is based on Biblical principles and he believes the Bible to be corrupt.

Philosophically - no. . . . Because Islam, Muhammad, and the Quran does not allow freedom of religion and expression. .

Democracy and Islam cannot co-exist. Every Muslim government is either dictatorial or autocratic.

Spiritually - no. . . . Because when we declare "one nation under God," the Christian's God is loving and kind, while Allah is NEVER referred to as heavenly father, nor is he ever called love in The Quran's 99 excellent names.

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
Excuses! Excuses! Excuses!

How often do we try to convince ourselves and others that it's OK to skip using safety devices such as eye protection…

"Well, this task is only going to take a minute -- and I’ll be really, really careful.”
“I can’t find eye protection that is comfortable.”
“They fog up.”
“The elastic band has stretched so they don’t fit.”
“They don’t fit over my eye-glasses.”
“I don’t know where I put them.”
“After a while, the plastic gets cloudy.”
"I'd have to go out to the truck to get them."

……..and for a buck ninety-eight!

The late Leo Buscaglia, an author and professor who often appeared on television, shared many valuable insights about living a more fulfilling and happy life. Once, when talking about what couples argue about that causes rifts in their relationship, he shared a great thought: if you can’t agree on how to squeeze the toothpaste tube -- for pete’s sake -- buy 2! In the case of the safety eye-wear, if you can’t remember where you put them –- buy 2! Sometimes the answers are too obvious.

So the next time you feel inclined to ‘whine’ about those darn safety devices and rules, take an extra second or two and remember that being ‘uncomfortable’ for the amount of time that PPE is needed is better than being ‘uncomfortable’ for the rest of your life.February 28, 2007
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------

Today's Safety From the Heart message is from Pam Kemp.
_____________________________

This week my son had something happen that I had never thought about occurring.

He went to pick up food from one of the grills here in town, gave them his debit card, they swiped it, gave it back and he put it away in his wallet. He went to a local pharmacy the next day to pick up a prescription for my daughter-in-law, gave them his debit card, they swiped it and it was declined..since he knew he had funds to cover it, he asked them to swipe it again, that something must have not gone through....again they swiped, denied again. He went ahead and paid them cash for the prescription and started to put the card back in his wallet...in looking at the card as he was putting it back he realized he had someone else's debit card.

Apparently the grill had more than one debit card they were swiping at the time he made his purchase and have given him the wrong card back..they also gave the owner of that card my son's debit card. Thankfully the person was an honest man because there were no purchases made against my son's debit card. He put a stop on his debit card and apparently the other guy had already put a stop on his debit card, reason why no transactions could go against his account when my son tried to use it at the pharmacy.

That turned out well for these two but it could have been a disaster. When making a purchase using your debit/credit card, be sure you check to make sure you are getting back the card that you gave them. Not all places have a swipe machine you can use yourself, some have to still swipe your card through their computer......just be aware. We get complacent sometimes or we are in a rush (as most of us are) and don't pay attention to the smallest thing that could cause us a huge headache and time later.

Just as the machine scans the cards, you need to scan what you get back....receipts, debit/credit cards and always be sure you are charged for what you get -- and your own card returned to your hands and not the hands of someone else.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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Activities and Events of Interest

Albemarle Employees and Contractors - Steak & Bingo Dinner

Saturday, April 14, the Albemarle Activities Committee will host a steak and bingo dinner at the Magnolia Junior High School Cafeteria from 6:00–9:00 p.m. The dinner is open to all Albemarle employees, retirees, and full-time contract personnel.

The dinner will consist of a ribeye steak, baked potato, salad, roll, dessert and drink. Each attendee will be provided with bingo cards for use in winning one of the many prizes. As this activity is designed as a social gathering to promote employee fellowship and fun, “To Go” plates will not be available.

Dinner tickets will be $5 each for Albemarle employee, and the bingo will be free. Each employee/retiree may purchase two tickets (himself, & his spouse or guest).

Tickets must be purchased ahead of time from your supervisor. Retirees may purchase tickets by contacting Mitzie Walker (ext. 6296). The deadline for purchasing tickets is Wednesday, April 4. Tickets will not be sold at the door.

Employees working on this night may purchase a dinner, which will be delivered to the plant. Those employees should ensure that delivery of their meal is noted on the sign up sheet. These working employees will have their names placed in a drawing for a door prize.

Anyone wishing to assist with cooking the steaks, or setting up, please contact one of the committee members below.

Genia Harrell
Daphne Roberts
Julia Green
Mike Shemas
Cecil McConnell
Ron Huett
Buddy Kyle
Debbie Wright
~~~
19th Annual Magnolia Blossom Festival & World Championship Steak Cook-Off
May 18 - May 19, 2007
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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Weekly Toll - - http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne - ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
A partial list of workplace fatalities.

Man, woman killed in murder-suicide at pharmacy
PHOENIX, AZ -- A man and a woman were killed Thursday afternoon in an apparent murder-suicide inside a Phoenix pharmacy, a fire department spokesman said. Phoenix Fire Department spokesman Mike Sandulak said a worker at a CVS pharmacy in midtown Phoenix saw an ex-boyfriend of her co-worker walk into the store. The co-worker and her ex-boyfriend went into a break room, where the sound of shots rang out. The man and the woman were not immediately identified. Both died at the store, Sandulak said. Norma Chavez, who went to the pharmacy with her three children to fill a prescription for her son, said she walked in and heard one shot. "Everybody was screaming and everybody was running and I just grabbed the kids and started to run," said Chavez, who was standing across the street from the drug store. Officials with CVS didn't immediately return calls Thursday afternoon from The Associated Press seeking comment.

Construction worker dies in 30-foot fall
Mandeville, LA - A Pearl River construction worker died Friday after he fell 30 feet from the roof of a two-story building in Mandeville, authorities said. Brian Trosclair, 43, was walking backward while rolling out tar paper Friday afternoon when he fell off the roof of the Pontchartrain Yacht Club under construction at Lakeshore Drive and Jackson Avenue, authorities said Wednesday. Trosclair was taken to Lakeview Regional Medical Center near Mandeville, where he died several hours later, said Mark Lombard, chief investigator for the St. Tammany Parish coroner's office.Lombard said Trosclair died of trauma to his head and chest and internal injuries after falling face down in a mound of clay. The yacht club is being rebuilt after it was destroyed during Hurricane Katrina.

Worker dies when trench collapses
KANSAS CITY, MO- A 51-year-old construction worker died yesterday when a 10-foot-deep trench in which he was working caved in, authorities said. The death of John Anderson was confirmed to relatives late yesterday afternoon when emergency crews located his body under several feet of heavy, muddy soil. The narrow trench, in a housing development being built in northern Kansas City, had collapsed about 12:30 p.m. Firefighters, who received the emergency call around 12:40 p.m., were still working late last night to retrieve the body, Fire Department Battalion Chief Joe Vitale said. "The trench is so narrow that they can’t work shoulder to shoulder. Only two individuals can work in there at a time, face to face," Vitale said. Anderson had been working alone in the trench, which appeared to be intended for a sewer or utility line, Vitale said. "He appeared to see the wall coming in," Vitale said. "And he took a step to avoid it, but it caught him." Other workers at the site tried frantically to free Anderson but made little headway in what Vitale described as 5 feet of compacted soil. Vitale said crews were careful during the recovery process to shore up the trench walls and prevent another cave-in.

St. Louis Police Officer Dies After Finishing Fitness Test
St. Louis, MO - A longtime St. Louis police officer died after collapsing while on-duty early Wednesday. The sergeant had just finished a mandatory fitness test. Officer Stephen Jerabek, 60, of Imperial, collapsed in the Police Academy gymnasium about 11 a.m. He was pronounced dead at St. Louis University Hospital of an apparent heart attack. Since last year, St. Louis police officers have been required to take a fitness test. No one is saying the fitness test is in any way to blame for the death, though everyone agrees the test is rigorous.

N.C. officer dies in wreck on way to assist another officer
DURHAM, NC — A Durham police officer was killed early Saturday morning after losing control of his patrol car and slamming into an overpass support. Charles Callemyn, 33, was heading west on Holloway Street about 3 a.m., en route to assist another officer with a traffic stop. He swerved out of control and struck a concrete column supporting the U.S. 70 overpass, police said. It was the second serious accident involving a Triangle police officer responding to a call in two days. A Raleigh police officer remains hospitalized after he lost control of his car and hit a stand of trees early Thursday morning.

Daughter of DPD officer dies in fire training
DENVER, CO - The daughter of a Denver Police Officer has died during firefighter training in Maryland. Racheal Wilson, 29, was the mother of two children and the daughter of Officer Ambrose Slaughter and his wife Virginia. Wilson was a Baltimore firefighter and she was killed in a training fire on Feb. 9. A funeral for Wilson will be held locally Thursday at the Macedonia Baptist Church located at 3240 Adams St. A burial will follow at the Fairmont Cemetery located at 430 S. Quebec St. Following the burial, a reception will be held at the Denver Fire Department Station 26 located at 7934 E. Martin Luther King Blvd.

Officer dies from wreck injuries
ALEXANDRIA, La. -- An Alexandria police officer has died from injuries sustained in a vehicle crash while responding to another officer's call for help. Brian Coleman, 35, was involved in the accident about 8 p.m. Tuesday and died Wednesday. The wreck came four years to the day after a shootout involving Alexandria police killed two officers. Police said Coleman had been driving with his blue lights on while responding to a call for help in catching shoplifters in the area of a mall. His vehicle went into a slide and hit a bridge on the driver's side, investigators said. Coleman had been with the department for seven years. The wreck came four years to the day after a shootout involving Alexandria police killed two officers.

Employee dies in snowblower accident at Hunter Mountain
CATSKILL, N.Y. -- A worker at Hunter Mountain ski center died when he was pulled into the blades of a snowblower last night. State police say 64-year-old Walter Rion was trying to close an overhead garage door while standing between the door and a running six-foot-wide snowblower. Rion's clothes were caught in the moving blades and he was pulled into the machine.

Jaguar kills zookeeper in Denver
DENVER, CO -- A male jaguar killed a zookeeper at the Denver Zoo on Saturday and employees put the animal down, police said. "I can confirm that a female worker was killed and we're still conducting an investigation," Denver Police spokesman Sonny Jackson said. According to a statement posted on the zoo's Web site (www.denverzoo.org), the 6-year-old jaguar attacked the unidentified worker inside its enclosure late Saturday morning. Armed employees entered the enclosure to retrieve the injured woman when the cat threatened them. "The jaguar approached staff trying to assist the zookeeper and it was shot and killed," the statement said
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

The Department of Defense announced the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Mar. 7 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle during combat operations. They were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 5th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas. Killed were:
01. Staff Sgt. Christopher R. Webb, 28, of Winchester, Calif.
02. Spc. Shawn P. Rankinen, 28, of Independence, Mo.
03. Spc. Michael D. Rivera, 22, of Brooklyn, N.Y.

04. Pvt. Mark W. Graham, 22, of Lafayette, La., died Mar. 7 at Brooke Army Medical Center, San Antonio, Texas, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his unit while on combat patrol Mar. 2 in Baghdad, Iraq. Graham was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 5th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

The Department of Defense announced the death of six soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Mar. 5 in Samarra, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their unit during combat operations. They were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 505th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C. Killed were:
05. Staff Sgt. Justin M. Estes, 25, of Sims, Ark.
06. Staff Sgt. Robert M. Stanley, 27, of Spotsylvania, Va.
07. Sgt. Andrew C. Perkins, 27, of Northglenn, Colo.
08. Spc. Ryan M. Bell, 21, of Colville, Wash.
09. Spc. Justin A. Rollins, 22, of Newport, N.H.
10. Pfc. Cory C. Kosters, 19, of The Woodlands, Texas.

11. Staff Sgt. Darrel D. Kasson, 43, of Florence, Ariz., died Mar. 4 in Tikrit, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle at Bayji, Iraq. He was assigned to the 259th Security Forces Company, Phoenix.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Mar. 5 in Baqubah, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their unit. Killed were:
12. Spc. Blake Harris, 22, of Pueblo, Colo. He was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 12th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.
13. Spc. Ryan D. Russell, 20, of Elm City, N.C. He was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 12th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.
14. Pvt. Barry W. Mayo, 21, of Ecru, Miss. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 82nd Field Artillery, 3rd Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas

The Department of Defense announced the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Mar. 3 in Baghdad when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle. They were assigned to the 630th Military Police Company, Bamberg, Germany.
Killed were:
15. Sgt. Brandon A. Parr, 25, of West Valley, Utah.
16. Sgt. Michael C. Peek, 23, of Chesapeake, Va.
17. Sgt. Ashly L. Moyer, 21, of Emmaus, Pa.

18. Lance Cpl. Raul S. Bravo, 21, of Elko, Nev., died March 3 while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Bravo was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 4th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.

19. Spc. Christopher D. Young, 20, of Los Angeles, Calif., died March 2 in Safwan, Iraq, of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. He was assigned to Company C, 3rd Battalion, 160th Infantry Regiment, California Army National Guard, San Pedro, Calif.

The Department of Defense (DoD) announced the death of two sailors who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
20. Lt. Cmdr. Morgan C. Tulang, 36, of Hilo, Hawaii, died from apparent natural causes March 2, 2007, in Kuwait. Tulang was assigned to U.S. Central Command Deployment Distribution Operations Center, Kuwait City, Kuwait.
21. Hospitalman Lucas W.A. Emch, 21, of Kent, Ohio, died March 2, 2007, when an Improvised Explosive Device detonated in his vicinity while conducting combat operations in Al-Anbar Province, Iraq. Emch was a hospital corpsman assigned to 1st Marine Logistics Group, 1st Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died March 2 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle while on combat patrol. They were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 5th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas. Killed were:
22. Staff Sgt. Paul M. Latourney, 28, of Roselle, Ill.
23. Spc. Luis O. Rodriguez-Contrera, 22, of Allentown, Pa.

24. Staff Sgt. Dustin M. Gould, 28, of Longmont, Colo., died March 2 while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Gould was assigned to 7th Engineer Support Battalion, 1st Marine Logistics Group, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

25. Pvt. Wesley J. Williams, 23, of Philadelphia, Pa., died March 2, in Baghdad, of a non-combat related injury. Williams was assigned to the 163d Military Intelligence Battalion, 504th Military Intelligence Brigade, Fort Hood, Texas.

26. Staff Sgt. Karl O. Soto-Pinedo, 22, of San Juan, Puerto Rico, died Feb. 27 in Baghdad from wounds sustained from enemy small arms fire. Soto-Pineda was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 18th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Armored Division, Schweinfurt, Germany.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Mat 21:20-22 Mat 21:20-22 Heb 6:17-19 Psa 119:164,171,175 Mark 9:36-37 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

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