Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Friendly Skies

Volume 9, Issue 08 Friday, February 23, 2007

Hello All,

Jimmy and Vanessa are newly appointed as Home Missionaries to St Francis Parish, LA by the Assembly of God. They’ve moved to Mandaville, LA and are starting a church in Madisonville, LA.
~~~~~
I just learned of this. wow! This is much more accurate than google maps or mapquest or yahoo maps. Of course, it should be. It's got the latest state data.

http://www.geostor.arkansas.gov
~~~~~
Dear Friend,

This email just arrived from a grateful military mom:

"I want to thank you for what you are doing. You see, I have two sons currently serving in Iraq and a daughter who can be called at any time, and I am thankful for Father God's hand of protection on them as well as the other soldiers . . . God bless and keep up the good work."

What a difference your prayers and gifts of Rapid Deployment Kits - filled with New Testaments, daily devotionals, and evangelistic tracts - are making in the lives of our troops and their families!

With thousands more young men and women preparing for deployment, your help is needed to spiritually equip them for the challenges ahead. To learn more about how you can help place RDKs into the hands of our troops, visit: http://give2.ccci.org/featured/rdk-email

Thank you so much for your prayers and support.

Blessings in Christ,

Megan Hawkes
Director, Donor Relations
Campus Crusade for Christ, International
~~~~~
Pocket Full of Rocks has been nominated for 2 Doves - - New Artist of the year and Worship Album of the year
~~~~~
Hidden Salt

A coworker’s mother was recently diagnosed with a heart problem that has required her to be on a no-salt, low-sodium diet. She never realized until this happened to her that sodium (a lot of it) is in almost everything we eat - especially convenience foods.

Hidden salt — 470 mg in a Starbucks bran muffin — is the next big health issue and here's the long list of reasons why. By Sally Kuzemchak, RD, Prevention magazine

Your salad dressing has a dirty little secret. (Your bran muffin and ham sandwich are in on it, too.) These foods—and, indeed, nearly everything you might eat in a day—are loaded with a mineral that some experts fear may be slowly killing you. It's sodium, and even if you don't have high blood pressure, you need to start thinking about it.

We know what you're thinking: Yawn. Well, wake up. Our national "salt tooth" is so bad that the American Medical Association recently asked the FDA to remove sodium from its list of food additives generally recognized as safe.

That's right. Saccharin can stay, but sodium's got to go. Call it the physicians' preemptive strike. "There's no way to tell which chronic health problems will result after years and years of a high-salt diet," explains Stephen Havas, MD, vice president of science, quality, and public health for the AMA. "We'd rather people not be put at risk at all."

Problem is, the stuff is everywhere. It's crammed into cheese slices and canned vegetables and sprinkled into cinnamon-raisin bagels and sandwich bread. You can consume a day's worth of the mineral with an order of mu shu pork with rice from your local Chinese restaurant, according to an analysis by the consumer group Center for Science in the Public Interest, in Washington, DC. As much as 80% of the sodium we get every day comes from these processed and prepared foods—not the salt shaker.

It's true that the occasional sodium-filled microwave dinner or slice of double-cheese pizza is nothing to call the EMTs about, especially if you're generally healthy. But as the number of made-from-scratch, at-home meals we consume has dwindled, we've all unwittingly become sodium junkies.

The most recent Dietary Guidelines for Americans recommend that healthy adults get no more than 2,300 mg of sodium a day, the amount in about a teaspoon of salt. (If you are over age 50, are African American, or already have high blood pressure, your limit should be 1,500 mg.) Still, most of us scarf down close to 4,000 mg by day's end, according to the latest government surveys. But my blood pressure is normal, you're thinking. Great. However, a high sodium intake affects far more than that. Take your bones. In a 2-year study of postmenopausal women, researchers found that the higher a woman's sodium intake, the greater her bone loss at the hip.

At the Store

Choose fresh first: Buy foods in their most natural forms whenever you can; it's the processing that ups the sodium. For instance, pick raw almonds instead of flavored ones, or freshly grilled chicken or turkey instead of lunchmeat.

Read the fine print: Low sodium and very low sodium are good bets, but check numbers on products marked reduced sodium or less sodium. By definition, they must contain only 25% less than the original version, so the totals may still be high.

In the Kitchen

Be stingy: When a food product comes with a seasoning or sauce packet, use only half (or less); most of it is salt. In 1 cup of chicken-flavored rice, you'll avoid more than 500 mg of sodium.

Stretch it: If you love rice and pasta mixes, toss in naturally low-sodium foods such as steamed fresh vegetables, tofu, or grilled chicken. You'll increase the total volume of food, spreading out the sodium over more servings.

Drain, rinse, repeat: Canned veggies and beans are literally swimming in salt water. The sodium content on the label includes the liquid, so draining and rinsing off these foods can reduce sodium counts by 35%, says Farrell.

The bonus of all this sodium slashing: You'll soon start tasting the real flavors of food. And it won't take long, say Purdue University researchers: After 12 weeks on a low-sodium diet, study subjects rated lower-salt foods just as appealing as regular foods.

http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100155296>1=9033
~~~~~
The following is a comment I wrote on a review of “Facing The Giants.”
http://churchofthemasses.blogspot.com/2006/10/facing-facing-giants.html

2 Timothy 4:3 For the time will come when they will not listen to the sound doctrine, but, having itching ears, will heap up for themselves teachers after their own lusts ...

This is nothing new. "We" have always preferred to believe lies. Just look at your e-mail inbox for proof.

By Bug,

I just watched "Facing The Giants" and then read your review.

Like the movie, you have a right to your opinion. I'd just like to comment on one statement;
"... that entertainment should be idealistic and not mirror the world as it is, but as it should be." And you countered; "WRONG! WRONG... "

Here we get into opinions. I was raised in a movie theater. Ushered, then ran projectors throughout my youth and into my 20s. Mr. W.P. Florence, the owner of the local theater taught me that movies were fantasy and mainly escapist fare. He replaced the glass doors on his new theater with solid wood to better separate the world outside from the world inside.

So, I was raised to believe that "the masses" were looking to be lifted out of their life by movies.

I admit I may be in the minority but as a lifelong movie viewer, I like movies that improve on life.

In my perfect movie, John Wayne doesn't die. The lovers live happily ever after, etc.

And is it any wonder that my favorite movies were made in the '30s and '40s.

Otherwise, thanks for the review and don't be afraid to believe that God not only can, but will.
"Bug"
~~~~~
We received this update from Paul Troquille this week.

I am here and all is well except for the fact that they lost my luggage. Heathrow London airport was the worst experience of my traveling life and I don't ever want to go back there if I can help it. I completely understand why our fore-fathers wanted to get the heck away from British rule. Oh well,
Ethiopia favors Tanzania in many respects although Islam has a much stronger hold on the nation. Little noticeable things like the absence of any colorful decorations or pictures give hint to Muslim doctrine. Makes for some bland viewing but the people are very nice and speak Aramaic.

I am nervous about teaching all day with virtually no written material. They did locate my luggage and it will be here Wednesday but until then I have nothing really presentable to teach in clothes wise and no materials to teach from. Oh well, my few attributes one being a big mouth will have to come in handy now for sure.

A young lady is taking care of me. her name is Senadu. She is a good cook but baptizes everything in curry the way most Arabic nations do. She knows very little English and I am okay with that. Anna and I worked it out and so will we.

It is good that I have constant access to the internet as there is no TV. and no way to even watch a movie so write when you can and pray for me.

Love always, Paul
~~~~~
The photos on the front of this weeks “Bleat” include a Magnolia sunset and a mystery photo.
~~~~~
Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular
Current Avg. $ 2.21
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
Albemarle Employee’s pump $1.99
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - We’re sharing recipes from Shannon Voigt’s Taylor Recipe Book

Basic Deviled Eggs - - Shannon Voigt

Ingredients:
6 large eggs
2 Tbsp Mayonnaise or Salad Dressing
1 ½ Tbsp. sweet pickle relish
1 tsp. prepared mustard
? tsp. salt
Dash of pepper
Dash of sugar
Garnish - paprika

Method:
Boil eggs. Cut eggs in half and remove yolk and mix with above ingredients. Garnish with Paprika.

Taco Soup - - Vickie Taylor

Ingredients:
2 lbs ground beef (brown and drain)
1 chopped onion
1 pkg taco mix (dry)
1 pkg ranch dressing mix (dry)
1 can Rotel tomatoes with chilies
2 cans pinto beans
2 cans great northern beans
2 cans whole kernel corn
2 cans tomatoes

Method:
In an 8-quart pot, brown onion with meat. Add all other ingredients. Mix and simmer 1 ½ hours. Freezes well.
Note: I also add one more can of stewed tomatoes and if you want it more spicy use Pintos with jalapenos.
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson
Go on in the Name of God
2/23/2007
The Perseverance of Wilberforce

In a poignant scene in the new film Amazing Grace, an exhausted William Wilberforce collapses into the arms of his wife. The British MP is heartbroken over his failure to stop the slave trade. After years of struggle—of enduring political tricks, treachery, and deceit—he is ready to give up; the campaign seems utterly hopeless.

But then a letter from an old friend reminds him that for the Christian who is fighting a great social evil, quitting is not an option.

The year was 1789—the year of the French Revolution. The mob and the guillotine ruled France, loosing a tide of bloodshed.

Across the Channel, the British feared a similar revolt. Any type of public protest was linked to the revolutionaries who had ignited France’s Reign of Terror.

This had a damaging effect on abolition. As my former colleague Eric Metaxas writes in his new book, Amazing Grace, the ugly events in France “had created a backlash in the British political class. There was no question that they were now” developing a “distaste for reform and for abolition.”

Sensing the shift in the public mood, the House of Commons rejected another motion to abolish the slave trade.

Weary with frustration, Wilberforce considered quitting his campaign. One night as he sat reading his Bible, a letter he had received years earlier, but which he had saved, fluttered from between its pages. It was from the great preacher John Wesley. Wilberforce re-read the familiar words.

“Unless God has raised you up for this very thing, you will be worn out by the opposition of men and devils,” Wesley wrote. “But if God be for you, who can be against you? Are all of them together stronger than God? Oh, be not weary of well-doing.”

“Go on in the name of God,” Wesley urged, “and in the power of His might.”

I have kept a copy of that same letter in my Bible for thirty years.

The words galvanized Wilberforce. Over the next two decades he fought tenaciously until the slave trade was finally outlawed. And then he fought for another twenty-five years, despite failing health, for the emancipation of all slaves in 1833.

The battle had taken forty-six years.

Forty-six years! Today, we are tempted to throw up our hands and go home if we lose a single election. In our campaigns against modern moral evils, we are too easily discouraged; we have forgotten how to persevere.

Of course we will have fierce opposition; sometimes the opponents will play dirty, as they did with Wilberforce. But that is no excuse to give up. Who do we think we are working for?

I love the way my friend Richard John Neuhaus puts it. His words are hanging on my wall: “We have enlisted for the duration in bearing witness to the truth.”

“The duration” could be twenty years or fifty. In our own era, the campaign to eliminate the killing of unborn children has already taken thirty-four years.

And that is just one battle: Christians are fighting as well modern slavery, embryo-destructive research, and the attack on marriage. We had better take a lesson from Wilberforce (and Wesley) and roll up our sleeves—permanently, if necessary.

Like Wilberforce, we must work to change the hearts of our fellow citizens. And like Wilberforce, we must never give up, but “go on in the name of God,” persevering until the battle is won.

Hero for Humanity: A Biography of William Wilberforce by Kevin Belmonte. An updated version is now available.

Read more articles on William Wilberforce and the abolition movement.

Gina Dalfonzo, “Abolitionists Officially Enter the 21st Century,” The Point, 21 February 2007.

Eric Metaxas, Amazing Grace: William Wilberforce and the Heroic Campaign to End Slavery (HarperSanFrancisco, 2007).

Kevin Belmonte, “The Philanthropist: A Two-Hundredth Anniversary Appreciation of William Wilberforce,” BreakPoint WorldView, November 2006.

Read H. Res. 158, the resolution Rep. Joseph Pitts (R-Penn.) introduced in commemoration of William Wilberforce and the two-hundredth anniversary of the abolition of the slave trade.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 070222, “One Bite at a Time: How to Take on Social Evils.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 070221, “The Spirit of Collaboration: Wilberforce and Clapham.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 070220, “Make You Look: Wilberforce and Awareness.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 070219, “The Spirit of Wilberforce: Worldview in Action.”

Learn more about the Amazing Change Campaign, inspired by the upcoming film about William Wilberforce, Amazing Grace, and sign the petition to help end modern-day slavery.

Watch a clip of the upcoming film Amazing Grace at the Wilberforce Forum website. See these educational resources for Amazing Grace.

David Batstone, Not for Sale: The Return of the Global Slave Trade—and How We Can Fight It (HarperSanFrancisco, 2007).

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
~~~~~
Words of the Week:

doyen: the senior member of a body or group.
sonorous: yielding sound; impressive in sound.
turbid: muddy; not clear; also, confused; disordered.
apogee: the highest point.
hoi polloi: the common people; the masses.
malodorous: having a bad odor.
lapidary: of or pertaining to stone cutting; also, terse or refined in expression.
from Dictionary.Com

~~~~~
"Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible, but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary." - Reinhold Niebuhr

"Better the occasional faults of a Government that lives in a spirit of charity than the consistent omissions of a Government frozen in the ice of its own indifference." - Franklin Delano Roosevelt

"We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is disappearing." - R.D. Laing

"There is only one situation I can think of in which men and women make an effort to read better than they usually do. [It is] when they are in love and reading a love letter." - Mortimer Adler

"Among those whom I like, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can; all of them make me laugh." - W. H. Auden

"Every man feels instinctively that all the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single lovely action." - James Russell Lowell

"Be of love (a little) more careful than of anything." - E E Cummings
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

# U.S. Attorney General Announces Program to Protect Religious Freedom in America
# The Latest Bill to Approach the U.S. House, and Why "Hate Crimes" Legislation is Such a Concern
# Experts Say Traditional View of Family Works—Family Experimentation Has Failed
# Preemie Baby's Survival Raises Big Questions About Abortion

# David's Law—"Hate Crimes" Legislation to be Introduced in U.S. House
# Dramatic Finding in New Poll Shows Majority of Americans Want to Win War in Iraq
# Christian Life Coach, Paula White, to Reach Promiscuous Girls on the Tyra Banks Show Tonight
# A Fortnight of Fair Trade Food—One Man's Quest to Inform others of the Difference They Can Make by Supporting Fair Trade Products

# Muslim Human Rights Activist Lauds American Involvement in Darfur
# Florida "Miracle Baby," Amillia, may Help Foster Understanding of the Pro Life Cause
# Large African-American Church Embraces Hispanic Community
# Driverless Cars a Reality by 2030?

# Evangelist Reinhard Bonnke's Upcoming Crusade to be Broadcast Live across the Globe, on GOD TV
# Oscar Nominee Jennifer Hudson Rocks Chicago Church
# Fathers of Aborted Babies Suffer Emotional Trauma Too, Say Experts
# French Intellectual Elite Have Done the "Unthinkable" by Supporting Pro-American Sarkozy as Next French President

# Presidential Candidate John McCain Speaks Out Against Abortion
# Survey Respondents Say 4 to 1 that New Zealand is a Christian Country
# French Pastor Who Led Team to Top of Everest, Buried Bible at Summit—the "Furthest Reaches of the World"
# Study of Top Movies in 2006 Shows Moviegoers Prefer Morally Uplifting Movies

# A Teen's Life Lived for God is Bringing a Harvest after His Death
# "Playing in Praise"—the Game of Cricket and Hope 2007 Brings Christians Together
# Faith-based HIV Prevention Working in Africa

# The Jesus People Revolution Returns to Calvary Chapel of Costa Mesa
# "Souper Bowl" Follows Big Game with Over $6 Million Collected for the Hungry
# Time Magazine Highlights the Compassion of Pregnancy Centers

Breaking Christian News
310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
541-928-2642
E-mail
US Orders: 1-866-358-7426

><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: Friendly Skies

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled.

A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.

"May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "(Expletive) you."

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you’ll have to stand in line for that, too."

The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was canceled and people were late, they were no longer angry at United.
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Engineering Talk

I work as a Design Engineer. While driving I seldom slow down at the road breakers and bumps. One day out of exasperation my wife sitting next to me said," You know Honey, if you don't slow down you going to damage your shock absorber and your bearing and you will soon have to do a wheel alignment again."

I was surprised by her knowledge of the technical words and told her so.

She replied," Sweetheart, for years I've being telling you in plain English to slow down but you aren't listening. I thought maybe some engineering talk might help you see your foolishness."

Well it did.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Computer Help

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Patricia) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus before it was sent.
----------------------------------------

Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual.

I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him.

He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more.

"Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?"

"Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: The Accident

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Jane) -Tom
----------------------------------------

My six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie's
house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in
their living room.

"But, Mom," he said, brightening, "you don't have to worry about
buying another one. Charlie's mother said it was irreplaceable."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Actors

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Ian) -Tom
------------------------------------------------------------

Two actors who haven't seen each other in several weeks run in to each other on the street.

1st Actor: Haven't seen you in a while, how's everything going?

2nd Actor: Pretty good. Two weeks ago I got a call from a lawyer in Florida. It seems I had an aunt that I never knew about that died and left me $2,000,000.

#1: That's great!

#2: Yeah. And then last week I hit the lottery and won $7,000,000.

#1: That's wonderful!

#2: Yeah, but this week, nothing!
_ ____________________________ _
|___________________________|
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A fine is a tax for doing wrong.\ /
\ _/ A tax is a fine for doing well. \_ /
/ / \ \
|___________________________|
\\\\ \_/ / Arachnoleptic Fit (n.) \ \_/ ////
\ / The frantic dance performed \ /
\ _/ just after you've accidentally \_ /
/ / walked through a spider web. \ \
|___________________________|
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Always and Never are two words \ /
\ _/ to always remember never to use. \_ /
/ / \ \
|___________________________|
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Does a medical book \ /
\ _/ have an appendix? \_ /
/ / \ \
|___________________________|
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Talk is cheap \ /
\ _/ because supply exceeds demand. \_ /
/ / \ \
_ ____________________________ _
| Thomas S. Ellsworth |
| tellswor@slonet.org |
| http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor |
|___________________________|
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
[GCFL.net] Golf Survey

Donation Drive (9 days left)
Do you enjoy GCFL? If so, please consider a small donation to help keep things running. Please visit http://www.gcfl.net/donate.php for details.

About once every six months or so, we humbly ask for a small donation to keep things running here at GCFL.net.

Wait! Before you run off to unsubscribe from the list thinking, "I thought they said this thing was free!!!" let me reassure you: GCFL IS, AND WILL ALWAYS REMAIN FREE! There is no obligation to pay for GCFL mailings.

It does cost money to run GCFL.net (just like everything else), but instead of peppering the mailings with advertisements every day, we prefer to ask for just a small donation. If we do a good job, some people will be willing to donate a dollar or two, and if we keep our costs down, it will be enough.

Since 1996, we've been mailing good, clean funnies to GCFL members, and they have always come through wonderfully, giving when they can.

We receive emails and letters nearly every day from members saying how much they enjoy GCFL and how it helps them start their day. It seems people from 12 to 101 (seriously!) enjoy our funnies, and we sure enjoy making GCFL what it is.

We ask for only one dollar because we feel it's not too much to ask, and just about everyone should be able to handle it. However, if you can't afford it, don't worry about it! We'll continue the best we can.

So, if you feel so inclined, please send your donation to:

GCFL
Box 100
Harvest, AL 35749
USA

Send a dollar bill (or two) (yes, it's OK to send cash in the mail for this purpose), or if you want to, write checks to "GCFL." You can also use PayPal (www.paypal.com) if you prefer. Please use email address gcfl@gcfl.net. Remember PayPal charges 2.9% + 30 cents for each transaction, so maybe you PayPal people can send $1.34 to cover that cost?
It's your call.

Thanks for helping us keep GCFL alive and kicking!

John Price
GCFL Director

(-:][:-)

My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes.

Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on.

When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand and a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear-cut swath leading out of the woods.

"There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to lose his ball!"

Received from Thomas S. Ellsworth.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Teenagers Are Always Hungry

The parents in our cycling group were discussing the subject of teenagers and their appetites. Most agreed that teenagers would eat anything, anywhere and at any time. Some were concerned that such appetites always made it hard to judge when you should feed them because they were always grazing.

A veteran parent of six children told us of his method for judging the true hunger of teenagers.

"I would hold up a piece of cold, cooked broccoli, and if they were jumping and snapping at it, I figured they were hungry enough to be fed."

Received from Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird (McHaw) List.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Missionary Mimicking

A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but he eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.

So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down, he sat down.

When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread. During the preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew. Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He was, and so the recruit clapped too.

Then the preacher said some words that he didn't understand and he saw the man next to him stand up. So he stood up too. Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing. So he sat down.

After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving. When the missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English, "I take it you don't speak Spanish."

The missionary recruit replied, "No, I don't. It's that obvious?"

"Well, yes," said the preacher. "I announced that the Acosta family had a newborn baby boy, and would the proud father please stand up."

Received from You Make Me Laugh.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Baby Shower

Put in charge of organizing my friend's baby shower, I decided to send out invitations via email. To let my husband know that he had baby-sitting duty that day, I entered his name on the "copy to" line.

Within minutes of sending the messages, I received an email back from my husband. He wrote, "Imagine my disappointment when I realized that your invitation wasn't sent only to me." He was referring to the "Subject" line of my message, which read, "Lunch and a shower."

Received from Marty's Joke of the Day.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
All these were found on http://www.grogono.com/humor.php

What to do with all those "free" soaps when traveling

Note: This piece has been displayed here for years without proper credit to the renowned comic, Shelley Berman. It is a great pleasure to properly acknowledge his authorship. In addition to using it in his act, at least since 1980, Shelley Berman included it as humor in his book A Hotel Is a Funny Place (1972). I thank Miles Kington for drawing this to my attention.

Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you,

S. Berman

Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.

Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.

Your regular maid, Dotty

Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.

Thank you, Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7.45 a.m., and don't get back before 5.30 or 6.00 p.m. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8.00 a.m., and 5.00 p.m. Thank you,

Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder, Assistant Manager

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess: - On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. - On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3. - On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4. - Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. - In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist. - On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used. - On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

S. Berman
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Why God never received tenure at any university
He had only one major publication.
It was in Hebrew.
It had no references.
It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.
Some say he had his son teach the class.
He expelled his first two students for learning.
Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Live Aboard Your Boat While At Home
Sleep on the shelf in your closet.
Replace the closet door with a curtain.
Four hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble: "Yourwatch!".
Put a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level.
When taking showers, shut off the water while soaping.
Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to high.
If your basement floods, during a sudden thaw, go down and start bailing.
Bring inside some type of gas motor (lawn mower, garden tiller, etc), start, and leave running while trying to listen to favorite CD, or having an in-depth conversation.
If the wind, outside, is howling, race around the house to make sure all windows and doors are secure. At night, everyone takes a turn on 'watch'.
Place all none edible garbage in small plastic bags, and store in other half of tub (edible garbage to be thrown out the window).
Wake up at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. Cold canned ravioli or soup, is optional.
Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in the pantry, 'fridge, or freezer.
Once a month, pick a major appliance, take it completely apart, and put it back together.
Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot, and allow it to sit for 5 to 6 hours before drinking.
Put a fluorescent light under the coffee table, and lay there to read a book.
Every so often, throw the cat in the tub (hot tub, large sink, etc.) and shout, "Man overboard!".
Run into the kitchen and sweep all the pots/pans/dishes off of the counter onto the floor, then yell at the wife for not having the place "stowed for sea."

After distributing this list the first time, I received some additions from Tommy Taggart:

With every major windshift, have your alarm go off so you can reset your address.
Periodically throw some sand about the house.
Cut two legs shorter on each chair.
During a squall, wake up - go to the front porch - throw a bucket of cold water in your face - go back to bed.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Born Baptist

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass, and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish.

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
One morning, three Southerners and three Yankees were in a ticket counter line at a train station. The three Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the three Southerners bought just one ticket.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the Yankees.
"Watch and learn," answered one of the boys from the South.

All six boarded the train where the three Yankees sat down, but the three Southerners crammed into a toilet together and closed the door.

Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets. He knocked on the toilet door and said, "Ticket, please." The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.

The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, so clever they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.

That afternoon when they got back to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip and watched, while to their astonishment, the three Southerners didn't buy even one ticket.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked a perplexed Yankee.

"Watch and learn," answered the three Southern boys in unison.

When they boarded the train, the three Northerners crammed themselves into a toilet and the three Southerners crammed into another toilet just down the way.

Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their toilet and walked over to the toilet in which the Yankees were hiding. The Southerner knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."

There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the Yankees ever won the war.

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Question - When you apply for Welfare in Mexico what does the Government give you?

A map of the United States
....
It’s a joke. Lighten up.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG ). He put on a dress shirt ( MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans ( MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA ). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA ) he sat down with his calculator ( MADE IN MEXICO ) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA ) he got in his car ( MADE IN GERMANY ) filled it with GAS from Saudi Arabia and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB . At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (Made In Malaysia ), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL ) poured himself a glass of wine ( MADE IN FRANCE.! France !! ) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA ), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in .. AMERICA ......
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

*Plane Pontoons*

Tiring of the inconvenience of the drive from airport to country cottage, a man equipped his small plane with pontoons so he could land on the lake directly in front of his cottage.

On his next trip, he made his approach down the airport runway as usual. Alarmed, his wife cried out, "Are you crazy? You can't land this plane here without wheels!"

The startled husband abruptly yanked the nose up, narrowly averting certain disaster. Continuing, he landed the plane on the lake without mishap. As he sat there, visibly shaken he said to his wife, "I don't know what got into me. That's the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life!"

And with that, he opened the door and stepped out, falling into the water.

(-:][:-)

*Prayers as Heard By Children*

Prayers as Heard By Children

>From San Francisco: When I was a child, I learned this prayer as "Our Father, who are in Heaven, Howard be thy name." I always thought that was God's real name.

Groton, Mass: My mother spent her early childhood saying, "Hail Mary, full of grapes."

Missoula, Mont: My son, who is in nursery school, said, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, how didja know my name?"

Uniontown, Ohio: I remember thinking this prayer was "Give us this day our jelly bread."

Covina, Calif: I recall reading something years ago about the Pledge of Allegiance. Some child thought it began, "I led the pigeons to the flag."

Cleveland, Ohio: When I was little, I often wondered who Richard Stands was. You know: "I pledge allegiance to the flag . . . and to the republic for Richard Stands."

Schenectady, N.Y.: I once knew a child whose favorite Sunday school song was "Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear."

Tampa, Fla: When my husband was 6 years old, he thought a certain prayer was "He suffered under a bunch of violets." The real words were "under Pontius Pilate," but at that age, he didn't know better. To this day, we still snicker in church whenever that prayer is read.

Lake Forest Park, Wash: When I was a little girl, we sang a song in Sunday school about Noah. Part of the chorus was "And the rains came down, and the floods came up." We lived next door to a couple of charming little girls who always sang this song while playing in their garden. Their words were, "And the rains came down, and the spuds came up."

Grand Junction, Colo: When I was younger, I believed the line was "Lead a snot into temptation." I thought I was praying for my little sister to get into trouble.

Oak Harbor, Wash: When my older brother was very young, he always walked up to the church altar with my mother when she took communion. On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and asked, "What does the priest say when he gives you the bread?" Mom whispered something in his ear. Imagine his shock many years later when he learned that the priest doesn't say, "Be quiet until you get to your seat."

(-:][:-)

*Changing Plates*

My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was.

As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I'm not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?"

(-:][:-)

*Quantum Date*

Every Friday after work, a mathematician goes down to the Ice Cream Parlor, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl, who isn't there, if he can buy her an ice cream cone.

The owner, who is used to the weird, local university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a particularly heart wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, "I apologize for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting in that last stool, man. Why do you persist in asking out empty space?"

The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there."

The owner raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But couldn't you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy HER a cone? Never know... she might say yes."

The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right. How likely is THAT to happen?"

(-:][:-)

*Carry A Flashlight*

A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin.

"Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"

The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast ya carry the flashlight."

(-:][:-)

Eye Laugh

"Keyboard Repair"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw332

"Cat Slippers"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=134

"Taking It With You"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw334

"Fruits Arise"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw333

"Stork Return"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw335

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/2007/02/ - - Backup Blues
Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
Backup Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane

They told me to back up my drive,
Which has crashed—it’s no longer alive.
Had I heeded their warning,
I wouldn’t be mourning
My data, which didn’t survive.

http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://www.nws.noaa.gov/ National Weather Service
The U.S. government's site for local, national, and international weather, which includes some historical data. Of particular interest is a listing of all the active weather warnings in effect in the U.S.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://calendarhome.com/tyc/ The 10,000 Year Calendar
A perpetual calendar you can use to check days of the week for dates in the past or in the future. You can also print each calendar year selected.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://www.indo.com/distance/ How Far Is It?
This service uses data from the US Census and a supplementary list of cities around the world to find the latitude and longitude of two places, and then calculates the distance between them (as the crow flies). It also provides a map showing the two places, using the Xerox PARC Map Server.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://www.xe.com/ucc/ The Universal Currency Converter
An easy way to determine the current exchange rate between major international currencies.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://www.usps.com/ncsc/ziplookup/lookupmenu.htm USPS: ZIP Code Lookup
The ZIP Code system is extremely important in the processing and delivery of mail. An envelope that does not include a ZIP Code in the delivery address must be manually sorted, which increases the cost of sorting the mail and causes mail to be delayed en route to the delivery address. Use the online ZIP Code Lookup to find a ZIP Code.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://www.snopes.com/ Urban Legends
The definitive Internet reference source for urban legends, folklore, myths, rumors, and misinformation.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://plasma.nationalgeographic.com/mapmachine/ National Geographic MapMachine
National Geographic's redesigned online atlas gives you the world - your way. Find nearly any place on Earth, and view it by population, climate, and much more. Plus, browse antique maps, find country facts, or plan your next outdoor adventure with our trail maps.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
February 22, 2007
Adjust to What is Realistic

Today's Message is from Dick Waller (a Houston Albemarle employee).

After sixteen years of service, I have decided to retire from the Pasadena Fire Department. I will continue to be a member of the department and will continue to make emergency calls, but my level of participation will be greatly diminished. Along with age comes the realization of the things our bodies will do and the things our body tells us "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT".

My message to you is just because we get older doesn't mean we have to stop doing the things we love. We just have to adjust to what is realistic and not over do it.

Be safe, be careful, make sure you have enough gas in your vehicle to get you home and change the batteries in your smoke detector.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
February 21, 2007
ICE (In Case of an Emergency)
Participating in the ICE program only takes a few seconds. Your friends and family will be grateful.

In the event of an emergency where you may be unconscious or unable to talk, emergency crews can use your phone and find your ICE contact. They will be able to call your emergency contact and inform them of the event as well as gather valuable information about your health and/or medical conditions.

Step 1: Create a New Contact in your cellular phone.
Step 2: Name that contact ICE.
Step 3: Program the number for your emergency contact.
Done!
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
February 20, 2007
Today's Safety From the Heart message was submitted by Keith Black.

Flammable Liquid Safety

Flammable liquids are used in many different ways. They present unique hazards to the people that use them. Flammable liquids can cause a fire or explosion, and like many other substances, they can also cause serious health effects from overexposure. This Tail Gate Safety Topic takes a look at flammable liquid hazards and discusses ways to use them safely.

Flammable liquids are liquids with a flash point of less than 100̊F. The flash point is the lowest temperature at which a liquid gives off enough vapor to form a flammable mixture with air. On the NFPA diamond label, a fire hazard rating of three or four denotes a flammable liquid. Other labels used to identify flammable liquids are red with appropriate wording and they usually contain a fire symbol.

The vapors of a flammable liquid often present the most serious hazard. The vapors can easily ignite or explode. Flammable liquid vapors are heavier than air and may settle in low spots, or move a significant distance from the liquid itself.

The explosive concentration of vapors in air has a lower and upper limit. The lower explosive limit, or LEL, is the lowest concentration that will ignite. The upper explosive limit, or UEL, is the highest concentration that will ignite. If the vapor concentration is between the LEL and UEL, there is serious risk of fire or explosion.

To minimize the risk of ignition of the flammable liquid or vapors, follow these precautions:
Always check the MSDS for the material you're using to understand the specific hazards involved.
Store flammable liquids in cool, well-ventilated areas away from corrosives, oxidizers, and ignition sources.
Label all containers and cabinets with appropriate "flammable materials" signs.
Never smoke in an area where flammable liquids are used or stored.
Minimize the amount of flammable liquids used.
Use only approved safety cans to store flammable liquids.
Ground and bond flammable liquid containers to prevent static charge build-up.
Never pour flammable liquids down a drain or sink.
Dispose of empty flammable containers in an approved manner.
Wear appropriate personal protective equipment such as splash aprons and goggles when handling flammable liquids.

Flammable liquids also present health hazards from overexposure. The MSDS for the material you're using will list the allowable exposures. Overexposures to flammable liquids can cause a variety of effects.

Inhalation of flammable liquids can cause irritation to the respiratory passages, nausea, headaches, muscle weakness, drowsiness, loss of coordination, disorientation, confusion, unconsciousness, and death.

Skin contact with flammable liquids can cause the skin's oils to be removed, resulting in irritated, cracked, dry skin, rashes, and dermatitis.

Eye contact with flammable liquids can cause burning, irritation, and eye damage.

Ingestion of flammable liquids can irritate the digestive tract, cause poisoning, and death.

Appropriate personal protective equipment (PPE) can help prevent exposure to flammable liquids. Use PPE faithfully to protect your good health.

Flammable liquids are used widely in many workplace and home situations. Careless mistakes and safety shortcuts lead to serious problems when it comes to flammable liquids. Their hazards are deadly. Flammable liquids deserve a healthy respect for their dangers. When you use them, be on guard against the hazards. You can prevent problems from occurring by using your good sense and following the MSDS precautions, and the instructions contained in this Tail Gate Safety Topic.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 12, Number 27 --- 08 Feb 2007
Tourbus Home -- http://www.InternetTourbus.com

+---------------------------------------+

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: Zune / Vinyl to CD / Audio Converters

Greetings, fellow riders of the World's Biggest Bus! Today's tour will take us into Audio and Music land. You'll learn about the new Zune music player, get the scoop on copying vinyl records to CD, pick up some pointers on how to convert audio files from one format to another, and find out how to add your own music and sound clips to a Myspace profile. Read on!

--------------------------------
Should You Buy a Zune or iPod?
--------------------------------

Have you heard about the Zune? It's Microsoft's new portable music player, dubbed by some as the iPod Killer. Both the Zune and the iPod cost about the same, at $250 for the 30-gig model. Both can hold about 7500 songs, and both have a battery life of about 14 hours.

But there ARE some significant differences in the feature sets that may influence your decision to buy one or the other. Here are some facts and figures to help you decide whether an iPod or a Zune is YOUR best choice for a portable music player...

http://askbobrankin.com/zune_or_ipod.html

--------------------------------
Converting Vinyl Records to CD
--------------------------------

For audio purists, nothing compares to good old-fashioned analog recordings on vinyl records. The warm tonal attributes, those faint pops and crackles, the life-sized artwork, the simple act of setting needle to groove, they're all part of an immersive experience that is fading into history.

That's because those old records are fragile, and every time they're played, it causes a slight degradation of sound quality. You can leave those old favorites unplayed for years at a time, relying on nostalgia to fill the void, or convert them to digital format.

Here's an illustrated step-by-step guide to help you convert those vinyl records to CD so you can enjoy them for years to come:

http://askbobrankin.com/converting_vinyl_records_to_cd.html

--------------------
Convert WMA to MP3
--------------------

If you have lots of music in Windows Media Audio (WMA) format, it may seem "trapped" there because you can't put WMA files on an iPod or some other portable music players. That's because some of them only play music in the popular MP3 format, or in the case of Apple's iPod, they've just decided not to play nice with anything Microsoft.

But there are several audio conversion software solutions that work very well on both Windows and Mac computers. Read on to get my top recommendations for both platforms, and learn some tricks on how to handle DRM-protected music as well...

http://askbobrankin.com/convert_wma_to_mp3.html
--------------------------------
Converting iTunes music to MP3
--------------------------------

On a related note, if you've purchased music in the iTunes music store and you're having trouble transferring those songs to a non-iPod music player, look here for help converting iTunes music into MP3 format:

http://askbobrankin.com/convert_itunes_to_mp3_format.html

---------------------------------------------------------
I Wanna Hold Your Ha... Hold Your Ha... Hold Your Ha...
---------------------------------------------------------

There really is nothing new under the sun... I thought we got past the skips when we left vinyl records in the dust. But now some iTunes users are reporting that songs played in iTunes are doing the s doing the s doing the s (thunk) doing the same thing. And smacking the computer doesn't seem to solve the problem.

If you recently upgraded to iTunes version 7, and have trouble with skipping tunes, here are some tips to solve the problem:

http://askbobrankin.com/itunes_music_skipping.html

-----------------------------------
Adding Music to a Myspace Profile
-----------------------------------

Most people know they can add a profile song to their Myspace page, but what if you want to add a song (or sound clip) that's not in the Myspace music library? No problem, at least for some users.

If you have an MP3 music file on your hard drive, or you know the address of a song or music file on the Web, you can slap a bit of HTML code in your Myspace profile and play whatever you like. But recently, Myspace has been mangling the codes and wreaking havoc with user-added music. Here's how to make it work in both Internet Explorer and Firefox:

http://askbobrankin.com/add_music_to_myspace.html

+---------------------------------------+

That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin

+---------------------------------------+

==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
19th Annual Magnolia Blossom Festival & World Championship Steak Cook-Off
May 18 - May 19, 2007
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

The Department of Defense announced the death of three Soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Feb. 14 in Baqubah, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle. They were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 12th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas. Killed were:
01. Sgt. John D. Rode, 24, of Pineville, N.C.
02. Sgt. Carl L. Seigart, 32, San Luis Obispo, Calif.
03. Spc. Ronnie G. Madore Jr., 34, of San Diego.

The Department of Defense announced the death of an Airman who died Feb. 18 when the coalition Chinook helicopter he was riding in crashed in eastern Afghanistan.
04. Tech. Sgt. Scott E. Duffman, 32, of Albuquerque, N.M., was assigned to the 24th Special Tactics Squadron, Pope Air Force Base, N.C.

05. Sgt. 1st Class William C. Spillers, 39, of Terry, Miss., died Feb. 17 in Baghdad, Iraq, from a non-combat related injury. Spillers was assigned to the 230th Finance Detachment, Jackson, Miss.

06. Spc. Chad E. Marsh, 20, of Wichita, Kan., died Feb. 18 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when a grenade detonated near him during combat operations. Marsh was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 26th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Schweinfurt, Germany.

07. Pfc. Justin T. Paton, 24, of Alanson, Mich., died Feb. 17 in Taramia, Iraq, when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire. Paton was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Feb. 19 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when their unit came under attack by enemy forces using multiple weapons. They were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas. Killed were:
08. Sgt. Pedro J. Colon, 25, of Cicero, Ill.
09. Spc. Montrel S. Mcarn, 21, of Raeford, N.C.

The Department of Defense announced the death of seven soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died Feb. 18 in southeastern Afghanistan when the Chinook helicopter they were in crashed. The incident is under investigation. Killed were:
10. Chief Warrant Officer Hershel D. McCants Jr., 33, of Ariz. McCants was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment (Airborne), Fort Campbell, Ky.
11. Chief Warrant Officer John A. Quinlan, 36, of New Jersey. Quinlan was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment (Airborne), Fort Campbell, Ky.
12. Sgt. Adam A. Wilkinson, 23, of Fort Carson, Colo. Wilkinson was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment (Airborne), Fort Campbell, Ky.
13. Spc. Travis R. Vaughn, 26, of Reinbeck, Iowa. Vaughn was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment (Airborne), Fort Campbell, Ky.
14. Spc. Brandon D. Gordon, 21, of Naples, Fla. Gordon was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment (Airborne), Fort Campbell, Ky.
15. Pfc. Ryan C. Garbs, 20, of Edwardsville, Ill. Garbs was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment, Fort Benning, Ga.
16. Pfc. Kristofer D. S. Thomas, 18, of Roseville, Calif. Thomas was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment, Fort Benning, Ga.

The Department of Defense announced the death of five Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
17. Capt. Todd M. Siebert, 34, of Baden, Pa., died Feb. 16 while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
18. Lance Cpl. Brian A. Escalante, 25, of Dodge City, Kan., died Feb. 17 while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 4th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.
19. Lance Cpl. Blake H. Howey, 20, of Glendora, Calif., died Feb. 18 while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.
20. Pfc. Brett A. Witteveen, 20, of Shelby, Mich., died Feb. 19 while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to Marine Forces Reserve’s 1st Battalion, 24th Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division, Grand Rapids, Mich.
21. Sgt. Clinton W. Ahlquist, 23, of Creede, Colo., died Feb. 20 while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 4th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

22. Pvt. Kelly D. Youngblood, 19, of Mesa, Ariz., died Feb. 18 in Ramadi, Iraq, of wounds suffered during combat operations. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 69th Armor Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

23. Cpl. Timothy D. Lewis, 20, of Lawrenceburg, Ky., died Feb. 15 as a result of non-hostile action in Jolo, Republic of the Philippines. His death is under investigation. Lewis was assigned to Combat Logistics Regiment 37, 3rd Marine Logistics Group, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Okinawa, Japan.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Feb. 19 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when the vehicle they were in was struck by an improvised explosive device. They were assigned to the 1st Squadron, 89th Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y.
Killed were:
24. Sgt. Shawn M. Dunkin, 25, of Columbia, S.C.
25. Pfc. Matthew C. Bowe, 19, of Coraopolis, Pa.
26. Pfc. Adare W. Cleveland, 19, of Anchorage, Alaska

27. Spc. Christopher K. Boone, 34, of Augusta, Ga., died Feb. 17 in Balad, Iraq, of a non-combat related injury. Boone was assigned to the 121st Infantry (Long Range Surveillance), Georgia Army National Guard, Fort Gillem, Ga.

28. Pfc. Jason D. Johns, 19, of Frankton, Ind., died Feb. 21 in Bagram, Afghanistan, of a non-combat related injury. His death is under investigation. Johns was assigned to the 3rd General Support Aviation Battalion, 82nd Combat Aviation Brigade, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

29. Sgt. Richard L. Ford, 40, of East Hartford, Conn., died Feb. 20 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered during combat operations. Ford was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 325th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

30. Staff Sgt. David R. Berry, 37, of Wichita, Kan., died Feb. 22 in Qasim, Iraq, when the vehicle he was in struck an improvised explosive device. Berry was assigned to 1st Battalion, 161st Field Artillery, Kansas Army National Guard, Dodge City, Kansas.

31. Spc. Louis G. Kim, 19, of West Covina, Calif., died Feb. 20 in Ramadi, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire. Kim was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 26th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Schweinfurt, Germany.

32. Sgt. Buddy J. Hughie, 25, of Poteau, Okla., died Feb. 19 in Kamdesh, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire and rocket propelled grenades. Hughie was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 180th Infantry, Oaklahoma Army National Guard, Ada, Okla.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Scheduled Activities
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
~~~
MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
John 12:42-43 Deu 3:23-28 Exo 14:10-14 Gen 46:2-4 Lam 3:21-26 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the "Blog" version just go to one of the several addresses on the web. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com or http://www.bugsbleat3q06.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleatfirst.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat3q05.blogspot.com, and http://www.bugsbleat4q05.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2007 before it was sent.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>