Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Zippers

Volume 9, Issue 09 Friday, March 02, 2007

Hello All,

I've been frustrated that "Da Bleat" hasn't been put out regularly. I'm still assembling the weekly issues but often I just don't have the time to get them out.
But, we’re going to keep plugging away, trying to get the show to y’all.
~~~~~
My department Chair a BPCC's grandson was born just before Christmas and has been in St. Judes for several weeks - only a 15% chance of survival.
There is a website - ethanpowell.com which has daily updates on his condition. His family would appreciate prayers and support.
Thanks,
Claiborne
~~~~~
There is an increasing hunger in the Middle East to learn about the Prince of Peace. "Who is Jesus? Is He God?" "I want to follow the right religion . . ." "Please help me, I need to know more about the Christ . . ."

These are just a few of the thousands of notes we've received from people living in some of the most closed nations in the world. Dedicated believers in this region are right now working to place Bibles into the hands of men and women who want to know about Jesus.

To learn more, including how you can help reach people throughout the Middle East with God's Word, click here. http://give2.ccci.org/featured/middleeast-email/
~~~~~
This is kinda long, but it's really neat.
Luv yall,
Martha Godwin
http://www.woodsidebible.org:80/splatvideo.htm
~~~~~
If sending emails, please use psmcc2000@hotmail.com
God Bless! - - Pattie Stephenson
~~~~~
We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families and thank God for them and their sacrifices. At the end of the day, it's good to be an American.

RED FRIDAYS ----- Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the "silent majority". We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or over-bearing. We get no liberal media coverage on TV, to reflect our message or our opinions. Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our troops.
Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that.. Every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar will wear something red. By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers.

If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends, and family. It will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once "silent" majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on.

The first thing a soldier says when asked "What can we do to make things better for you?" is...We need your support and your prayers.

Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example; and wear something red every Friday.
~~~~~
Help Arkansas Children’s Hospital Get a Fun Center!

It takes just a few seconds and a click of your computer mouse to boost ACH's chances of winning a national competition that could place mobile entertainment centers in the hands or our patients! Colgate-Palmolive and Starlight Starbright Children's Foundation are asking people to vote online for hospitals that deserve to win several "Fun Centers" complete with flat screen monitors, DVD players and the latest Nintendo system and games.

These will be used at the bedside to help kids have the best time possible while they recover. To vote for ACH, log on to

http://www.colgate.com/app/Colgate/US/Corp/CommunityPrograms/Starlight/HomePage.cvsp

and select the South region. Then vote for Arkansas Children's Hospital, which is the last option on the page. The five hospitals with the highest vote counts will receive "Fun Centers" for their patients. You can vote as many times as you like, so go ahead and boost our chances of making kids happier in the hospital!

Please pass this email on to your friends, family, and co-workers! Thanks for your help in supporting Arkansas Children's Hospital.

Melissa B. Wolfe
Arkansas Children's Hospital
Assistant Director
Volunteer Services
800 Marshall Street, Slot 108
Little Rock, AR 72202-3591
501.364.1825 Tel
501.364.6251 Fax
www.archildrens.org/volunteer < http://www.archildrens.org/volunteer
~~~~~
Congratulations to Michael Paul and Kimi on the birth of their first child!
Tate Michael was born February 21 at 9:58 p.m. and was 6 lb., 10 oz., and 20 inches long.
~~~~~
The 38th Annual GMA Music Awards, also known as the Dove Awards, April 25, 2007 at the Grand Ole Opry House, Nashville, TN.
Ryan Riggins band, "Pocket Full Of Rocks" [http://www.myspace.com/pocketfullofrocks] has been nominated for 2 Doves;
New Artist of the year
Worship Album of the year
~~~~~
The photos on the front of this weeks “Bleat” include Wind Instruments on the stage at our MCC Valentine Banquet and Stephen Burton preparing for the show.
~~~~~
Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular
Current Avg. $ 2.45
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
Albemarle Employee’s pump $2.28
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - We’re sharing recipes from Shannon Voigt’s Taylor Recipe Book
Trio’s Pita Chips - - Amy Underwood
Ingredients:

2 pkg. Wheat pita bread
Butter
Lemon Pepper
Cumin

Method:
Cut pita bread into triangles and halve. Baste with melted butter and sprinkle with lemon pepper and cumin. Bake in a 350º oven until crisp. About 15 minutes. Serve with Trio’s Spinach Dip.
Notes: Erin McConnell version – Substitute Olive Oil spray for butter and substitute Garlic Salt for Lemon Pepper.
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson
A Tale of Two Servants
3/2/2007

Amazing Grace and Breach

Last week on “BreakPoint,” we talked a lot about William Wilberforce, the English parliamentarian who fought for the abolition of the slave trade in Great Britain. The marvelous new film about his life, Amazing Grace, beautifully portrays a public servant whose Christian beliefs aligned with his outward actions. His life was the epitome of integrity, an example of an integrated worldview.

Just before the debut of Amazing Grace, another film about a public servant appeared in theaters. The film is called Breach, and it tells the story of Robert Hanssen, the man responsible for what some have called the “greatest security breach in American history.” Hanssen was the FBI agent, you may remember, who sold secrets to the Russians for twenty years until his arrest in February 2001.

Breach opens with a scene of Hanssen in church praying the rosary; it closes with him asking for prayer. Like Wilberforce, Hanssen seems to be a man of deep religious convictions. He was a Roman Catholic, a member of Opus Dei, a devoted father and husband, and—to all appearances—a true patriot. A Washington Post review noted: “Hanssen would duck out of work early so he could attend antiabortion rallies.”

But unlike Wilberforce, it appears that Hanssen’s inner convictions had little impact on his outward behavior. Hanssen was a sexual deviant who, without his wife’s knowledge, distributed films of their marital encounters across the Internet. He was a traitor who did not bat an eyelash at betraying three American agents who were killed due to his actions.

Hanssen’s story is a cautionary tale of the dangers of failing to combine orthodoxy (that is, right belief) with orthopraxy (that is, right action). Biographer David A. Vise says about Hanssen, “He was a compartmentalizer. How else could he be married and a father and go to church every day and, at the same time, commit treason?”

So we have in Amazing Grace, on the one hand, and Breach, on the other, a contrast between integrity and compartmentalization. One life shows the fruit of right belief translated into right action, while the other shows how compartmentalized sin does not stay compartmentalized for long; it spreads like gangrene.

God demands our whole hearts. He wants our beliefs and actions in alignment. That’s why Wilberforce was so adamant, warning us against counterfeits of real Christianity.

Wilberforce wrote the following: “If the affections of the soul are not supremely fixed on God, and if our dominant desire and primary goal is not to possess God’s favor and to promote His glory, then we are traitors in revolt against our lawful Sovereign. . . .Whether we are the slaves of avarice, sensuality, amusement, sloth, or the devotees of ambition, taste, or fashion, we alike estrange ourselves from the dominion of our rightful Sovereign.”

Breach is rated PG-13 for some mild obscenity and adult situations. If you do choose to see it, however, see Amazing Grace soon after. The juxtaposition of Hanssen and Wilberforce will startle you. Unlike Hanssen, Wilberforce knew that real Christianity puts beliefs into action—and that any failure to live our Christian convictions is an intolerable breach of trust with our rightful Sovereign.

Please make a donation to Prison Fellowship to help defend religious freedom in the IFI appeal and to BreakPoint to help us continue our biblical worldview ministry. Donate online or call 1-877-322-5527.

For Further Reading and Information

See BreakPoint commentaries: “The Spirit of Wilberforce”; “Make You Look”; “The Spirit of Collaboration”; “One Bite at a Time”; and “Go On in the Name of God.”

Catherine Claire, “‘Amazing Grace’ and ‘Breach’: Integrity vs. Compartmentalization,” The Point, 19 February 2007.

Read more about William Wilberforce and Amazing Grace.

Catherine Claire, “Wilberforce, Not at Liberty,” The Point, 19 February 2007.

Cher Smith, “Flick Chick: Breach,” Culture Beat, 21 February 2007.

Desson Thomson, “A Walk in the Dark,” Washington Post, 15 February 2007, C01.

Stephen Hunter, “Traitors of Trust: ‘Breach’ Goes to the Soul of a Spy,” Washington Post, 16 February 2007, C01.

Todd Hertz, review of Breach, Christianity Today, 19 February 2007.

Learn more about the history behind William Wilberforce’s fight against the slave trade.

John Podhoretz, “Hanssen’s Disease,” Weekly Standard, 24 February 2007.

Rebecca Roberts, “Robert Hanssen: A Brief History,” Nation, NPR, 4 February 2007.

Christina Radish, “Ryan Phillippe and Eric O’Neill Talk about the Story behind ‘Breach’,” Media Blvd.

Gina Piccalo, “The Trustworthy Face that Tricked an FBI Pro,” Los Angeles Times, 16 February 2007.

Learn more about the movies Breach and Amazing Grace.

William Wilberforce, A Practical View of Christianity (Hendrickson, 1996).

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
~~~~~
Words of the Week:

profligate: shamelessly immoral; also, recklessly wasteful.
conflagration: a large and destructive fire.
entreat: to ask for or request earnestly.
hardscrabble: barren, marginal; also, marked by poverty.
enjoin: to direct or impose with authority; also, to forbid.
sycophant: one who seeks favor by flattery; a toady.
ambit: circuit or compass; also, sphere of action or influence.
surreptitious: done, made, or gotten by stealth; also, marked by stealth.
from Dictionary.Com

~~~~~
"Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. General recognition of this fact is shown in the proverbial phrase 'It is the busiest man who has time to spare.' " - C. Northcote Parkinson

"I praise loudly. I blame softly." - Catherine the Great

"If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster." - Isaac Asimov

"To freely bloom - that is my definition of success." - Gerry Spence

"It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories, his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the worst, and so grow gently old down all the unchanging days, and die one day like any other day, only shorter." - Samuel Beckett

"Anxiety is the space between the 'now' and the 'then.' " - Richard Abell

"Maturity is coming to terms with that other part of yourself." - Ruth Tiffany Barnhouse
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

# California Bill Drops the Word "Spanking" But Would Still Criminalize Parents Who Use Corporal Punishment
# President Bush's Proposed 2008 Budget Increases Funds for Abstinence Programs
# Innovative Tennessee Church Ministers to the Deaf with a Different Beat

# Rev. Schenck and Archaeologists Comment on Latest "Hoax" of Jesus' Grave
# Fr. Frank Pavone Comments on Mississippi House's Recent Passage of Pro Life Legislation
# With Players from Dominican Republic, and Former Major Leaguers as Managers, Israeli Baseball League is Working Hard to be Taken Seriously
# Radical "Spiritual Activist," Actor Stephen Baldwin Makes New Movie, Launches New Ministry

# Teen Abolitionist Leader of a Growing Effort to End Modern-Day Slavery
# Virginia's General Assembly Unanimously Passes Resolution of Apology for State's Role in Slavery
# New Prayer Initiative for the Middle East Launched by Southern Baptist Pastor
# Country Artist Honors Canadian Forces with Music Video

# UK Baby—Back from the Dead after 30 Minutes—Now a Thriving 14-Month-Old
# Japanese Christians Believe They are on the Verge of Predicted Spiritual Revival
# Women Credit God With Saving Them From Tornado Destruction
# "World Without America"—UK Station Runs Campaign Ad Touting US-Britain Bond

# Prominent Same-Gender Activist Walks Away From Former Lifestyle to Embrace Christ
# Prayer Alert: Navy Chaplain Ordered to Leave Service by Midnight, for Praying in Jesus' Name
# Officer and Wife Receive Honors for Keeping Promise to Iraqi Boy Who Was Informant for American Troops
# Christians and Jews Come Together to Increase Solidarity

# Prayer Alert: Tornado and Baseball Team Bus Tragedies Claim Young Lives
# Doctors Test Cancer-Killing Machine Made by Man With No Medical Training
# Prophetic Painter in Deep Ellum, Texas, Helps to Communicate God's Heart to the Community
# Haitian Girl With Deadly Tumor Has Make-A-Wish Come True: Meet With President Bush

Breaking Christian News
310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
541-928-2642
E-mail
US Orders: 1-866-358-7426

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GCF: Zippers

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Austin) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. SUBSCRIBE and UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus before it was sent.
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A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she said, "is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up."

The boy looked at her quizzically... "Why does it have to be a secret?"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Maine Winters

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Michael) -Tom
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Some engineers from the U.S.G.S. surveyed some property and found that in a certain area, the New Hampshire and Maine border must be changed. They stopped to inform a farmer that he was no longer in Maine, but in New Hampshire.

After a long pause, he grunted and said, "That's good. I couldn't take another one of these Maine winters."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Kangaroos

Found posted in a humor newsgroup (rec.humor) -Tom
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A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out.

When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"

The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Handy Around The House

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Nancy) -Tom
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Eleven Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House

1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

3. Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair ... but only if you are working alone.

4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

5. If it's electronic, get a new one ... or consult a twelve-year- old.

6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the "on" switch; or just paint over it.

7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.

8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, throwing, and sharing sometimes DOES help.

9. If something look level, it is level.

10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

11. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: The Game Warden

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, John) -Tom
----------------------------------------------

The Game Warden stopped a deer hunter and asked to see his hunting license. "This is last year's license," the warden informed him.

"I know," said the hunter, "but I shouldn't need a new license, I am only shooting at the deer I missed last year."
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ Entomology: I fear no weevil. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Don't worry about \ /
\ _/ what people think. \_ /
/ / They don't do it very often. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / I've discovered the whole \ \_/ ////
\ / problem with the National Debt. \ /
\ _/ Most of us work 5 days a week, \_ /
/ / but the government spends 7. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / When weeding, the best way \ \_/ ////
\ / to make sure you are removing \ /
\ _/ a weed and not a valuable plant \_ /
/ / is to pull on it. If it comes out \ \
of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / What hair color do they put on \ /
\ _/the driver's licenses of bald men? \_ /
/ / \ \
_ ____________________________ _
| Thomas S. Ellsworth |
| tellswor@slonet.org |
| http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor |
|___________________________|
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Words that Really Should Exist from A to Z

Donation Drive (5 days left) Do you enjoy GCFL? If so, please consider a small donation to help keep things running. Please visit http://www.gcfl.net/donate.php for details.

Abracadabbler: an amateur magician.

Badaptation: a bad movie version of a good book.

Carbage: the trash found in your automobile.

Dadicated: being the best father you can be.

Ecrastinate: checking your e-mail just one more time.

Faddict: someone who has to try every new trend that comes along.

Gabberflasted: the state of being speechless due to someone else talking too much.

Hackchoo: when you sneeze and cough at the same time.

Iceburg: an uppity, snobbish neighborhood.

Jobsolete: a position within a company that no longer exists.

Knewlyweds: second marriage for both.

Lamplify: turning on (or up) the lights within a room.

Mandals: sandals for men.

Nagivator: someone who constantly assists with driving directions in an overly critical manner.

Obliment: an obligatory compliment.

Pestariffic: adjective describing a particularly pesty person.

Qcumbersome: a salad that contains too many cucumbers.

Ramdumbtious: a rowdy, energetic person who's not too bright.

Sanktuary: a graveyard for ships.

Testimoney: fees paid to expert witnesses.

Unbrella: an umbrella that the wind has turned inside-out.

Vehiculized: you own a vehicle.

Wackajacky: very messed up.

Xerocks: two identical pieces of stone.

Yawnese: the language of someone trying to speak while yawning.

Zingle: a single person with a lot of pep in his or her step.

Received from Cathy Gilstrap.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Story Of Elijah

Donation Drive (4 days left)
Do you enjoy GCFL? If so, please consider a small donation to help keep things running. Please visit http://www.gcfl.net/donate.php for details.

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels with water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this three times.

"Now," said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"

A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said. "To make the gravy!"

Received from Mary Rayner.
(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Baby Care

Donation Drive (3 days left) Do you enjoy GCFL? If so, please consider a small donation to help keep things running. Please visit http://www.gcfl.net/donate.php for details.

/* Somehow yesterday's joke didn't go out (at least I didn't get mine). Sorry about that. I think the problem is fixed now.

Thanks to everyone that sent in a donation. Once again your generosity will keep us running for six more months.

Hope you have a great day! */

My husband is always complaining about my inability to stay on a budget and about the costs of running the household in general. This has become worse since we had twins. Everything is double -- clothes, food, pediatrician bills. Lately, he has even been complaining about the amount of baby powder I have been using on the twins to prevent them from getting diaper rashes. I've had to remind him that ... talc is cheap.

By Stan Kegel

Received from Stan Kegel.
(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Biggest Lie

Donation Drive (2 days left) Do you enjoy GCFL? If so, please consider a small donation to help keep things running. Please visit http://www.gcfl.net/donate.php for details.

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher asked, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answered, "We found a ten-dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher.
"When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

Received from Pastor Tim.
(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Be Thankful

Donation Drive (Today is the last day) Do you enjoy GCFL? If so, please consider a small donation to help keep things running. Please visit http://www.gcfl.net/donate.php for details.

/* Today we're departing from our usual "funnies" to bring a reminder to us all that every day ought to be Thanksgiving. */

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes.
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made a difference.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings.

Received from Del.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
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The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
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Love this DOCTOR!!!!

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around! !
________________________________________
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
________________________________________
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Love is grand! Divorce is a hundred grand.
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I am in shape. Round is a shape.
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Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
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Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
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Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
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Even if you are on the right track, You'll get run over if you just sit there
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
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An optimist thinks this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears this is true.
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There will always be death and taxes; However, death doesn't get worse every year.
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In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
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I am a nutritional overachiever.
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I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
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Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.
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A day without sunshine is like night.
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It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
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The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
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Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
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Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes it comes alone.
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Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.
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Golfer's Deal With the Devil

A golfer was having a tough day and in his frustration he blurted out, "I would give anything for a birdie on this hole."

A nearby stranger walked out of the woods beside the hole and whispered, "If you give up one quarter of your sex life, I guarantee you will make this shot.” The golfer said "OK." He made the shot for birdie.

A few holes later, he was having trouble on another hole. "Please, let me make this for eagle" he said.

Again, the stranger stepped up to him and said, "If you give up another quarter of your sex life, you will make eagle."

"You're on," the golfer said, and made the shot for eagle.

On the eighteenth hole, the golfer needed an eagle to win. The stranger again stepped up and said "If you give up the last half of your sex life, you will make eagle to win."

"OK," the golfer said, and made his shot for eagle, winning the round.

As he was walking back to the clubhouse, the stranger walked up beside him and said, "I think I should inform you that I am the Devil, and from now on you will have no sex life."

The golfer turned to him, smiled, and said, "Nice to meet you, my name is Father O'Malley!"

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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S E N I L I T Y !

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me'

'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.

She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.

She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?'

'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(THIS IS THE BEST ONE)

--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

You're not a kid anymore when ...

* The only reason you're awake at 4 a.m. is indigestion.

* You are proud of your lawnmower.

* 8 a.m. is your idea of "sleeping in."

* People call you at 8 p.m. and ask: "Did I wake you?"

* Your high school diploma is the color of buttermilk.

* Nobody ever tells you to slow down.

* You've seen Halley's Comet ... twice.

* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.


(-:][:-)


*Looking For Mike*

After directory assistance gave Glenda her boyfriend's new telephone number, she dialed him - and got a woman.

"Is Mike there?" Glenda asked.

"He's in the shower," she responded.

"Please tell him his girlfriend called," Glenda said and hung up.

When he didn't return the call, Glenda dialed again.

This time a man answered... "This is Mike," he said.

"Hey, you're not my boyfriend!" Glenda exclaimed.

"I know, I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."


(-:][:-)


*Getting Younger*

Old Sam Johnson goes to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the doctor gives him a clean bill of health.

"Sam, you're in excellent shape for an 85 year old man. But I'm not a magician - I can't make you any younger", says the doctor.

"Who asked you to make me younger, already?" says Sam. "You just make sure I get older!"


(-:][:-)


*Prayer Positions*

Three ministers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

"Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one minister.

"No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

"You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."

The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."


(-:][:-)


*Kitchen Cry*

Howard came home from work one evening and there was his wife Miriam in the kitchen crying out loud.

"What's the matter, darling?" he asked her.

"I just don't know what to do," said Miriam. "Because we were eating in for a change, I cooked us a special dinner - but the dog has just eaten it."

"Don't worry," said Howard, "I'll get us another dog."


(-:][:-)


Eye Laugh

"Cat TV"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw342

"Salvation Snooze Alarm"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=141

"Prewash"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=141

"Vacation Needed"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw337

"Tower Bunk"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw335

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/compatible.html - - Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate? (Humorous Quiz)
December 19th, 2006
If you’ve ever visited the delightful Bobbarama, you know that its witty proprietor posts the occasional Take Two. So, what exactly is a Take Two? It’s a battle of the sexes type humor collaboration, in which Bob and a funny female both write about a given topic.

Why am I telling you this? Because today I’m the female half of Bob’s collaboration, and the topic is shopping. I hope you’ll enjoy my take on shopping with your mate, which is in the form of a multiple choice quiz. (You’ll find a link to Bob’s take at the end of this post.)

Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate? (Humorous Quiz)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

One sure way to test a relationship is to shop with your mate. Not only is joint shopping stressful, but it amplifies differences in temperament and taste. It can even lead to bickering, brawls, and mayhem. So take this compatibility quiz now. Or risk being ousted from your favorite boutique.

1. When you arrive at the mall he:

a. Says "Let's shop together. It'll be fun."
b. Says "Meet me in hardware."
c. Vanishes.

2. In men's clothing he:

a. Asks your opinion and compliments your taste.
b. Buys a tie he already owns.
c. Bemoans the demise of the leisure suit.

3. In lingerie he:

a. Says you look sexy in an oversized robe.
b. Asks you to model see-through garments too small to identify.
c. Hands you a Wonderbra.

4. While checking out men's underwear he:

a. Agrees to try argyle socks.
b. Balks at replacing torn shirts because "They're broken in just right."
c. Doesn't know his size. ("Mommy always buys my shorts.")

5. When you try on a dress he:

a. Tells you everything looks great.
b. Checks the price before giving an opinion.
c. Snores.

6. At the jewelry counter he:

a. Admires a pair of his-and-her gold rings.
b. Claims to prefer flashy trinkets.
c. Promises to buy you something nicer "off the truck."

7. In electronics he:

a. Helps you choose a home computer.
b. Asks for easy-to-use software for the "little lady."
c. Watches the game.

8. At the video store he:

a. Finds a classic film you'll both enjoy.
b. Hides out in the "adults only" department.
c. Suggests you buy a work-out tape.

9. In the book shop he:

a. Walks you to fiction where you discuss favorite authors.
b. Tells you he could write a Best Seller, if he only had the time.
c. Sprints to the swimsuit calendars.

10. In the record store he:

a. Finds you a long sought cd on the discount rack.
b. Heads for hard rock.
c. Asks for the 45's.

11. At the toy mart he:

a. Helps select a game for your nephew.
b. Plays "People" non-stop on the electric piano.
c. Elbows children aside to play video games.

12. At "Pets R Us" he:

a. Oohs and aahs at kittens and pups.
b. Sneezes violently.
c. Mentions a childhood mishap involved parakeets and snakes.

13. In the pharmacy he:

a. Whips out a shopping list.
b. Pretends not to know you, while you ask for tampons:
c. Makes you buy the condoms.

14. At the supermarket he:

a. Says "You do aisles 1 to 8 and I'll handle 9 to 16."
b. Spends hours selecting beer and chips.
c. Appears stunned by the invention of scanners."

15. If the supermarket line is long he:

a. Offers to save your place while you look around.
b. Pressures you to leave.
c. Wanders off to munch on "free samples."

16. If something you bought is defective he:

a. Offers to return it.
b. Tries to convince you it "isn't all that bad."
c. Hides to avoid "a scene."

When you've finished this quiz, total your abc's. If you have ten or more a's, you two may safely attempt a trip to the mall. Fewer than ten a's? Seriously consider leaving him home.

And if you have more than ten c's, check his parents' refund policy. Perhaps his folks will take him back.

http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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http://www.historyofsupremecourt.org/ - - The History of the Supreme Court
Created by a collaboration of classroom teachers, historians, and legal scholars, the site presents the history of America's highest court within a series of broad themes drawn from the social studies curriculum. Examples include 'The Court and Gender', 'The Court and Young People', and 'The Court Today', which tracks the present changing Court in real time and focuses on the issues now under consideration.
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http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/physical/growing_stronger/ - - Strength Training for Older Adults
Welcome to Growing Stronger: Strength Training for Older Adults. If you're interested in feeling stronger, healthier, and more vital, this program is for you. This strength-training program was developed by experts at Tufts University and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Related site: Mayo Clinic Stretching and Strength-training.
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http://www.ajb.dni.us/ - - America's Job Bank
America's Job Bank is the biggest and busiest job market in cyberspace. Job seekers can post their resume where thousands of employers search every day, search for job openings automatically, and find their dream job fast. Businesses can post job listings in the nation's largest online labor exchange, create customized job orders, and search resumes automatically to find the right people, right now.
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http://www.bls.gov/oco/ - - Occupational Outlook Handbook
This site is from the U.S. Department of Labor. The Occupational Outlook Handbook is a nationally recognized source of career information, designed to provide valuable assistance to individuals making decisions about their future work lives. For hundreds of different types of jobs - such as teacher, lawyer, and nurse - the Occupational Outlook Handbook tells you: the training and education needed; earnings; expected job prospects; what workers do on the job; working conditions. ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
http://www.census.gov/main/www/popclock.html - - U.S. and World Population Clocks
This site from the U.S. Census Bureau, Population Division, presents the most recent national and world population estimates.
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http://www.bartleby.com/141/ - - The Elements of Style
Asserting that one must first know the rules to break them, this classic reference book is a must-have for any student and conscientious writer. Intended for use in which the practice of composition is combined with the study of literature, it gives in brief space the principal requirements of plain English style and concentrates attention on the rules of usage and principles of composition most commonly violated.
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http://concise.britannica.com/ - - Britannica Concise
Britannica Concise is a complete, 28,000 article, single-volume encyclopedia from the editors of Encyclopædia Britannica.
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| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
February 26, 2007
Today's Safety From the Heart message is from Pam Kemp.

Not anything to be proud of, but I had not 1, not 2, but 3 injuries over the weekend....

#1. I was walking from the utility room of my house into the kitchen, cut the corner too quickly and gave my right elbow a strong blow that resulted in a lump. It was very painful at the moment that it happened (and still hurts this morning). Whoever named it your funny bone must have been delusional....it wasn't funny at all.

#2. I was going into church yesterday w/my Bible in one hand and a picture for the Sunday School class to hang on the wall, leaned the picture against the door, and opened the door.. I picked up the picture and proceeded to get through the door and caught my hip on the bar that goes across the door inside to help open it... that one smarted. Almost said a bad word right there but contained my need to scream it out.

#3. It was raining yesterday after my trip to the store, so it was dart in and right back out.... When I left home it wasn't raining very hard, but while I was in the store the bottom dropped out. I had my car parked close so I wasn't concerned w/being drenched before reaching it. In an attempt NOT to hit the car next to me if I opened my car door far enough for me to jump in so I, being the polite person, opened the door only as far as needed to get in..lo and behold I go to get in the car and ram my forehead into the edge of the door...that resulted in a huge goose egg and bruising followed. I think I saw stars or sparklers when that happened. I, fortunately having a friend who is a nurse, dropped by her house for her to take a look at my goose egg...she told me that if I blurred vision or felt nausea or dizziness set in I should probably go and have it checked...I did not experience any of those symptoms during the hours after I hit my head...the main symptom I had all day was remorse for not taking more time to take care of myself...and a little stupidity when I sat and thought about all my booboo's I had gotten in 2 days.

Moral of this story: It all boils down to one thing...being in a hurry...that's all I can count this weekend up to... don't forget to take your time, think about what you are doing and never forget what hazards may lay in wait for you. These were self created hazards I'm afraid that I laid for myself and also paid for myself w/bumps and bruises that came w/me to work this morning as reminders of my battle worn weekend.

(Bet a lot of you are already laughing and wondering if I'm related to Barney Phife-that poor guy couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time).
In my case I can't open a door and get into my car at the same time.

No, I'm not as clumsy as this makes me sound .... This past weekend was a rare and unusual happening in my life...a bump and bruise every now and then but 3 in one weekend may be my new record.

When it rains, it pours can also represent the domino affect of accidents...great and small if you let them continue to invade your life....be careful, watch what you're doing and take your time...rain or shine, accidents are lurking around the corner waiting on unsuspecting souls like all of us.

If I gave you a little chuckle when you read this, it's on me this time.

_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
February 23, 2007

E.D.I.T.H.
Exit Drills In The Home

A majority of fatal home fires occur between the hours of midnight and 6 am when most people are asleep. When your smoke detector sounds, you may have less than 2 minutes to escape from your home. Your secondary escape route may be your only way out. An operating smoke detector will give you an early warning and those few minutes needed to escape.

Make a home escape plan - and practice it!


You can survive a fire in your home if you know what to do when you hear the smoke alarm.


Plan your escape

Draw a floor plan of your home. Show two ways out of each room.
Agree on an outside meeting place in front of your home where everyone will gather after they've escaped.
Practice! Hold home fire drills. Make them realistic by pretending some exits are blocked by smoke or fire.
Provide alternatives for anyone with a disability.

A fire drill is not a
race. Leave quickly,
but don't run.


Be prepared

Can everyone in your home unlock and open windows?
If your windows have security bars, are they equipped with inside quick-release devices?
Can children reach and open all door and window locks?

If you live in an apartment building . . .

Learn and practice your building's evacuation plan.
If you hear a fire alarm, leave immediately.
Use the stairs - never use elevators during a fire.
Know the location of all building exits and fire alarms.
If exits are locked or blocked, report the problem to your building's management

Escape tips

Close doors behind you as you escape to slow the spread of fire and smoke.
If you have to escape through smoke, crawl, keeping your head one to two feet (30 to 60 centimeters) above the floor, where the air will be cleanest.
Test doorknobs and spaces around the door with the back of your hand. If the door is warm, try another escape route. If it's cool, open it slowly. Slam it shut if smoke pours through.

Get out and stay out:
Once you escape a fire,
don't go back inside
for any reason.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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OSHA Requirements When a Worker
Experiences a Job-Related Injury or Illness
Over the past three decades, occupational injuries and illnesses in the U.S. have declined by 42 percent, even though employment has more than doubled. Nevertheless, every year, nearly five million workers experience an occupational injury or illness on the job. More than half of these injuries and illnesses are severe enough to cause the worker to spend time away from work.
OSHA, along with safety and health professionals around the Nation, is working with employers and employees to move toward zero injuries and illnesses in U.S. workplaces. And the agency will not be satisfied until every worker in America goes home safe and sound each day.

Reporting Catastrophes
When a worker is killed on the job and/or three or more workers are hospitalized, the employer covered by OSHA must report to the agency within eight hours. Fatal heart attacks also must be reported. Employers can call the nearest OSHA area office or the agency’s toll-free number 800- 321-OSHA (6742) to provide this information.
Providing First Aid
Employers who can not reach a hospital, infirmary or clinic within a reasonable amount of time must be prepared to provide first aid to workers who experience injuries or illnesses on the job. OSHA requires that adequate first aid supplies must be readily available and that someone must be adequately trained to render first aid.
The agency also encourages employers to consider acquiring automated external defibrillators (AEDs)—medical devices designed to revive victims of sudden cardiac arrest. These devices analyze a victim’s heart rhythm and deliver an electric shock to restore heart rhythm to normal. Battery-operated AEDs are compact, lightweight, portable, safe and easy to use. Having them onsite can save precious time and improve survival odds because they can be used before emergency medical service personnel arrive.

Recording Injuries and Illnesses
Most employers in high hazard industries are required to keep records of injuries and illnesses experienced by their employees. An annual summary of these injuries and illnesses must be posted in the workplace from February 1 to April 30. Details on recordkeeping requirements and forms are available from OSHA’s website at www.osha.gov. The website also offers training to help employers complete the forms. Those with 10 or fewer employees are exempt from injury and illness recordkeeping requirements except when selected by OSHA or the Bureau of Labor Statistics to participate in a mandatory data collection.
Investigating Accidents One of the hallmarks of an effective safety and health management system is a commitment to investigate every incident that results in a worker injury or illness—and near-misses as well. By immediately following up, employers can identify root causes and take corrective steps to prevent future problems.
Getting Help with Safety and Health Management Systems
When it comes to injuries and illnesses, the best defense is a good offense—a pro-active safety and health management system that focuses on finding and fixing hazards before they can lead to problems. OSHA offers various services—such as consultation and compliance assistance programs— to help employers establish safety and health management systems.
OSHA’s Consultation Program, for example, is a free service to help smaller employers identify and fix hazards in their workplaces. OSHA also has compliance assistance specialists available in each area office to help employers and employees comply with OSHA requirements. OSHA cooperative and partnership programs often offer assistance with establishing safety and health manage-ment systems. Other sources of help include trade associations, insurance companies and private consultants.
OSHA’s Safety and Health Management eTool— interactive software on OSHA’s website—helps users build their own safety system based on a series of questions and the specific responses a user provides. Employers and employees also may consult OSHA’s Handbook for Small Businesses and “Safety and Health Program Management Guidelines,” Federal Register 54:3904-3916, January 26, 1989. All these resources are available at www.osha.gov.
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Thought this might be of interest.

Well, Who Knew...?
I had a neighbor who had bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news. He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open. Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off. It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I'm impressed!

WD-40 who knew?
Water Displacement #40. The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a "water displacement" compound. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts. Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you. When you read the "shower door" part, try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It's a miracle! Then try it on your stovetop... Voila! It's now shinier than it's ever been.
You'll be amazed.
Here are some of the uses:
1) Protects silver from tarnishing.
2) Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3) Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4) Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without making it slippery.
5) Keeps flies off cows.
6) Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7) Removes lipstick stains.
8) Loose ns stubborn zippers.
9) Untangles jewelry chains.
10) Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11) Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12) Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13) Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14) Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
15) Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16) Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17) Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes
18) It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
19) Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40!
20) Gives a children's play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
21) Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers.
22) Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
23) Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.
24) Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25) Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers.
26) Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
27) Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
28) Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
29) Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
30) Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
31) Removes splattered grease on stove.
32) Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
33) Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34) Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35) Removes all traces of duct tape.
36) Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.
37) Florida's favorite use is: "cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers."
38) The favorite use in the state of New York WD-40 protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39) WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states.
40) Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41) WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
42) Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and re-wash. Presto! Lipstick is gone!
43) If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car to start.
P. S. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL.
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 12, Number 28 --- 27 Feb 2007
Tourbus Home -- http://www.InternetTourbus.com

+---------------------------------------+

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: Know Jack? / Office 2007

Howdy, y'all, and greetings from deep behind the orange curtain in beautiful Irvine, California, located on Old Nelson Road within the Sembawang Planning Area in the North Region of Singapore.

+---------------------------------------+

--------------------------------------
You Don't Know Jack!
Audience: Adults with a sense of humor
--------------------------------------

You Don't Know Jack (the CDROM game) was an irreverent and hysterical trivia game introduced in 1995 by the folks at Berkeley Systems. A web-enabled version of the game was launched in March 1997 but was quickly abandoned. Well, Jack is back ... sort of. In mid-December, the folks at Jellyvision started posting free, daily, You Don't Know Jack "DisOrDat" quizzes at

http://www.youdontknowjack.com/

Think of this as an hysterical, daily, pop culture quiz. The game displays seven words or phrases you have to categorize. For example, the game might ask you if "Millie" is the "wife of a US president" or a "dog of a US president." That's a mild example. An example of a more risque DisOrDat quiz is one that asks if the "Denver Nuggets" are "a basketball team" or "a testicular cuisine."

Obviously, You Don't Know Jack isn't a site I would recommend to kids. In fact, let me throw in Jellyvision's boilerplate warning:

Warning: This game contains mature content, including suggestive sexual references, language and font treatments that may not be suitable for children. Besides, they won't get it anyway.

Between you, me, and the fencepost, that's a tad bit strong. You Don't Know Jack isn't any more risque than what you might hear in the monologue of your favorite late night talk show. That said, if you're offended by Leno, Letterman, or Stewart, stay away.

But, if you are an adult who has a good sense of humor and are looking for a *BUNCH* of laughs, the return of You Don't Know Jack is just what you've been looking for. Oh, and don't forget to check out the games' archive and FAQs -- both are well worth your time. [The January 2nd DisOrDat is still my favorite.]

+---------------------------------------+

--------------------------------------------------
Free, Online Microsoft Office 2007 Training Movies
Audience: PC users running XP or Vista
--------------------------------------------------

A few weeks ago our friends at Microsoft released a brand new version of Office: Office 2007. I've been using the new Office for the past six months, and I absolutely love it. But you need to be aware that the new Office is QUITE different than what you've used in the past.

Fortunately, Microsoft recently posted a bunch of free, online movies that show you what's new and what's different in Access 2007, Excel 2007, PowerPoint 2007 and Word 2007. That's the good news. The bad news is that you have to dig a bit to find these online movies.

The easiest way to access the online training movies is to open any Office 2007 application, press the F1 key, and then click on the Demos link at the bottom of the Help screen. If that doesn't work for you, or if you just want to check out the movies without having to install Office 2007 -- go to Microsoft's Office Online Help site at:

http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/help/

and, on the left side of the page, click on the Demos link. Finally, in the middle of the page, click on the "2007 Office System" tab. That's it. The rest is self-explanatory.

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Google: Now with 33% fewer consonants!
Audience: Everyone
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Finally, I know I am not the first person to point this out, but take a look at http://tinyurl.com/yp5yeq and see if you can figure out what's missing from that picture. That's the Google "doodle" for Valentine's day 2007. Also check out http://tinyurl.com/2dqdpp for the full story.

Have a safe and happy week, and we'll talk again soon.

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==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
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.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
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{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
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---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Activities and Events of Interest

Albemarle Employees and Contractors - Steak & Bingo Dinner

Saturday, April 14, the Albemarle Activities Committee will host a steak and bingo dinner at the Magnolia Junior High School Cafeteria from 6:00–9:00 p.m. The dinner is open to all Albemarle employees, retirees, and full-time contract personnel.

The dinner will consist of a ribeye steak, baked potato, salad, roll, dessert and drink. Each attendee will be provided with bingo cards for use in winning one of the many prizes. As this activity is designed as a social gathering to promote employee fellowship and fun, “To Go” plates will not be available.

Dinner tickets will be $5 each for Albemarle employee, and the bingo will be free. Each employee/retiree may purchase two tickets (himself, & his spouse or guest).

Tickets must be purchased ahead of time from your supervisor. Retirees may purchase tickets by contacting Mitzie Walker (ext. 6296). The deadline for purchasing tickets is Wednesday, April 4. Tickets will not be sold at the door.

Employees working on this night may purchase a dinner, which will be delivered to the plant. Those employees should ensure that delivery of their meal is noted on the sign up sheet. These working employees will have their names placed in a drawing for a door prize.

Anyone wishing to assist with cooking the steaks, or setting up, please contact one of the committee members below.

Genia Harrell
Daphne Roberts
Julia Green
Mike Shemas
Cecil McConnell
Ron Huett
Buddy Kyle
Debbie Wright
~~~
19th Annual Magnolia Blossom Festival & World Championship Steak Cook-Off
May 18 - May 19, 2007
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

The Department of Defense announced the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Feb. 23 of injuries suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near their HMMWV during combat operations in Ramadi, Iraq, on Feb. 22.
All three soldiers were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 9th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo. Killed were:
01. Staff Sgt. Joshua R. Hager, 29, of Broomfield, Colo.
02. Pfc. Travis W. Buford, 23, of Galveston, Texas, and
03. Pfc. Rowan D. Walter, 25, of Winnetka, Calif.

04. Sgt. Jeremy D. Barnett, 27, of Mineral City, Ohio, died Feb. 24 at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, Landstuhl, Germany, of wounds sustained from a landmine detonation in Ad-Dujayl, Iraq, on Feb. 21. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

05. Spc. Ethan J. Biggers, 22, of Beavercreek, Ohio, died Feb. 24 in Indianapolis, Ind., of wounds suffered while on combat patrol in Baghdad, Iraq, on March 5, 2006. Biggers was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 502nd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

06. Lance Cpl. Anthony Aguirre, 20, of Channelview, Texas, died Feb. 26 while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Aguirre was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii.

07. Staff Sgt. William J. Beardsley, 25, of Coon Rapids, Minn., died Feb. 26 in Diwaniyah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Beardsley was assigned to the 260th Quartermaster Battalion, 3rd Sustainment Troop Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

08. Pfc. Daniel Zizumbo, 27, of Chicago, Ill., died Feb. 27 in Bagram, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered from an improvised explosive device. Zizumbo was assigned to 1st Transportation Movement Control Agency, 21st Theater Support Command, Kaiserslautern, Germany.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
09. Sgt. Chad M. Allen, 25, of Maple Lake, Minn., died Feb. 28 while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Allen was assigned to 2nd Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
10. Pfc. Bufford K. Van Slyke, 22, of Bay City, Mich., died Feb. 28 while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Van Slyke was assigned to Marine Forces Reserve’s 1st Battalion, 24th Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division, Saginaw, Mich.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Feb. 27 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle. They were assigned to the 2nd Brigade Special Troops Battalion, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.
11. Sgt. Richard A. Soukenka, 30, of Oceanside, Calif.
12. Cpl. Lorne E. Henry, Jr., 21, of Niagara Falls, N.Y.
13. Spc. Jonathan D. Cadavero, 24, of Takoma Park, Md.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
~~~
MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Acts 12:21-24 2 Cor 8:1-3 Psa 25:4-7 Hab 3:17-19 (1 Cor 7:27-31 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the "Blog" version just go to one of the several addresses on the web. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com or http://www.bugsbleat3q06.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleatfirst.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat3q05.blogspot.com, and http://www.bugsbleat4q05.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2007 before it was sent.
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